Many Happy Returns
It's December 26th, the day most folks traditionally like to get right out there and return some of the absolutely head-scratching Christmas gifts they received. It's also a day that sports fans, athletes, and teams alike dream of making some returns of their own. Those lines are getting long so let's get to it.
Tim Tebow: New York Jets. It's been one long nightmare for Tebow ever since the Jets acquired him in a trade with the Broncos back in March. All off-season Rex Ryan and his coaching staff made it seem like they had some top-secret diabolical plan for how to use Tebow against opponents. Turns out the plan was to not use him at all. Timmy would like nothing more than to undo this and seems headed for do-over in North Florida.
New York Jets Fans: Tim Tebow, Rex Ryan, Tony Sparano, Mike Tanenbaum, Woody Johnson. Jets fans already returned their annoying superfan leader Fireman Ed prior to Christmas and gave back their good manners years ago, but now they'd like to jettison just about everyone else, if possible. From their loudmouth coach to their Christmas song surnamed GM to their pornstar sounding owner, Jets fans probably won't get every refund their hearts desire.
Los Angeles Lakers: Dwight Howard. Yes, the Lakers beat the Knicks on Christmas Day but chances are if you asked LA's front office, they'd be more than happy to send Dwight Howard back from whence he came. The Lakers are currently 14-14 trailing both the Clippers and Warriors in the Pacific. Basketball chemistry is a delicate thing and takes some time, but the Lakers and their fans have never been a patient bunch. Speaking of basketball chemistry...
New York Knicks: Amare Stoudemire. The Knicks have the reverse problem of the Lakers. They are playing great without Stoudemire and are not-so-secretly terrified of what Stoudemire's imminent return will do to a team that's in first place in the Atlantic with a 20-8 record. You can almost hear the strains of "Return to Sender" in the air around Madison Square Garden.
Manny Pacquiao/Floyd Mayweather: Past Differences. The fight that was supposed to save boxing is now nothing more than one big "what if...". Guess it's nice to have so much money that you can leave millions out there blowing in the wind.
New York Yankees: Alex Rodriguez. Yeah, good luck with that.
NHL: Gary Bettman. When you are the worst commissioner in professional sports among a group that includes names like Goodell, Selig, and Stern, you really need to go. The Gary Bettmans of the world just don't need to be returned, they need to be discontinued.
Happy refunding to all!