Ranking the Summer Olympic Sports

8. Volleyball The indoor version is perfectly fine, but of course we care about one thing and one thing
only: Beach Volleyball, as W can attest.

9. Fencing From what I remember of past Olympics, two fencers fight each other, a bell rings indicating a score, and both fencers yell in celebrate thinking they are the one who scored. You clearly can not feel shame and be a fencer. It’s surprisingly fun to watch, and well, I’m not messing with expert swordsman and women.
 
10. Diving I can never tell the difference between a good dive and a bad dive (unless it’s obvious), but it sure looks impressive.
 
11. Cycling I like watching the mountain stages of the Tour de France, but unfortunately, the road race course isn’t for high mountain climbers, and this year could be extra flat if they rigged it for British sprinter Mark Cavendish. The main appeal of the cycling events are the track events, which are both weird and fast looking.
 
12. Gymnastics I will make this easy for all the pervs. You can ogle the following gymnasts: Alexandra Raisman, Catalina Ponor (of Romania). You can not ogle: Gabrielle Douglas, McKayla Maroney, Kyla Ross, Jordyn Weber, any Chinese gymnast (just to be safe). For gymnastics, I’m splitting the difference between female interest and male interest, while docking points for rhythmic gymnastics, which is in the argument for dumbest sport ever. 
 
13. Boxing Boxing is essentially the last all-amateur sport left in the Olympics. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, amateur boxing is just as corrupt as pro boxing. The fact it ranks this high is not a good sign.
 
14. Weightlifting Large, ill-shapen steroid freaks, most of whom are from old Eastern Bloc countries, contorting every muscle in their body in unnatural ways. Fun for the whole family!
 
15. Table Tennis
16. Badminton
 
These two sports have two very different class connotations in America. At the Olympic level though, they are very similar. Both have primarily Asian competitors playing at a speed unfathomable to both your beer pong buddies and your rich uncle respectively.
 
17. Taekwondo
18. Judo
 
I won’t lie; I don’t know much about the two martial arts in the Olympics. According to the Complete Book to the Olympics though, points can be taken away for passivity, which is not a good sign.
 
19. Field Hockey Easily the most boring of the team sports, as goals are few and far between, and the field is almost too big. Plus all the players stooping over just looks awkward.
 
20. Rowing Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, heh, coxswain is a funny word. Stroke, stroke, stroke, zzzzzz….
 
21. Triathlon Triathletes are a special breed of nuts (watch the annual broadcast of the Ironman as proof), but it’s hard to call a triathlon exciting to watch.

Read on for the bottom of the list, aka the sports you can mostly avoid.