The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of pure inspiration, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.
Yesterday, Bucs' head coach Greg Schiano proposed putting an end to the kickoff play in the NFL. Citing player safety as the main consideration, not the fact that the Bucs has the fewest kickoff return yards in the league, Schiano has now turned his attention to a bigger source of vexation for the team: the playoffs.
"The playoffs and, more specifically, the Super Bowl, perpetuate some very dangerous ideas. Notions that one team is superior to another, that certain guys should be allowed to play football all the way through Winter while the rest of us are told to stay home-- it's bad for morale," Schiano said in front of a skeptical audience.
"It's bad for the children," he added emphatically.
Before rushing to the defense of the classic playoff format (having a playoffs) and of course, the beloved "Super Bowl," Schiano pointed out a number of disconcerting facts about the current setup.
"Studies show that the playoffs excludes nearly two thirds of the entire league," he began, losing his audience by the second, "and that of the 30 teams not playing in the Super Bowl, one-hundred percent of them report wanting to play in the Super Bowl."
"One hundred percent," he added emphatically.
In losing to the Broncos last week and the Falcons the week before, Tampa Bay has dropped 2 games in a row against playoff-bound teams. But that has nothing to do with his stance on the subject, insists Schiano, whose team, on a side note, have not taken a kick back for a TD since 2010.
"This is not about any of that bullcrap," declared Schiano righteously. "This is about the emotional safety of the players and coaches involved in this very difficult game of football."