New York Yankees
"How could our aging roster be an issue? All of our older players are on the DL!" -- The Yankee semantic.
"Oh please oh please oh please please PLEASE don't go back to being bad again for some reason." -- the frightened O's fan.
Tampa Bay Rays
"I'd have every reason to be excited about this season if I cared at all about the Tampa Bay Rays!" -- A quote we had to make up because nobody cared to talk about the Rays.
Boston Red Sox
"Why the hell are we talking about 2013? I've got the 2004 World Series DVD right here!" -- All of Boston.
Toronto Blue Jays
"Well, things went terribly wrong in Miami, so here's to starting anew in Canada!" -- A murderer, probably
Check back tomorrow when I'll trivialize the entire AL Central!