The Blitzburgh Pit Stop's NFL Midseason Grades

NFL Midseason Report Cards...with A Slightly Different Grading Scale

11/11/09 in NFL   |   kramer   |   11004 respect

We've reached the halfway point of the 2009 NFL season.  This year, more than ever, we've seen the best of the best and the worst of the worst.  Now that all 32 teams have played at least 8 games, The Blitzburgh Pit Stop has compiled a midseason report card for each team.  This is the second year for this midseason report, and for those of you who may not remember, or were not on the Q last year at this time, let me just say that this is not your father's grading scale.  I'm not giving out grades of A, B, C, D, and F.  Instead, I'm grading these teams Myron Cope style.  The late creator of the Terrible towel once graded the Pittsburgh Pirates in the '80s when they were as lousy as they are now.  Instead of using traditional grades, he graded the players using his own scale.  If a player was good, he got a MM-HAH!  If a player was so-so or he didn't know what to make of him, he got a EHH.  Finally, if the player was completely crappy, he got a FEH!  That's the grading scale that will be used here.  To make this fair, the teams will be listed in alphabetical order.  Without further adieu, here are your 2009 NFL Midseason Grades courtesy of FanIQ...

Arizona Cardinals (5-3): They lead the NFC West, but let's face it, this Cards team has been Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde so far.  Last week against the Bears they looked like the defending conference champs, but the week before they looked like the good ol' crappy Cardinals.  What else can you say about them except, based on mediocrity - EHH.

Atlanta Falcons (5-3):
Contradictory to the Cards, the Falcons also have 3 losses, but they were all to teams as good as, or better than them, and they damn near beat the Saints IN the Superdome!  The Falcons have been consistent, but have simply been outplayed by very good teams.  Because they aren't Jekyll and Hyde - MM-HAH!

Baltimore Ravens (4-4):
This team is another team that has been consistently inconsistent.  They won their first 3 games, lost their next 3, dominated the Broncos, then got swept by the Bengals.  After their upcoming MNF laugher in Cleveland, they have Indy and Pittsburgh in successive weeks.  This team has taken a step back from last year in a big way.  EHH

Buffalo Bills (3-5):
How this team has even won 3 games is beyond me, they suck.  They should've won their opening game against the Pats, but they proved how crappy they were when they couldn't even beat the Browns.  Their game against the Jets was a hot mess, with Fitzpatrick and Sanchez having a contest to see who could throw more interceptions.  By the way, this team would most likely still have the same grade with or without T.O.  This grade is a gimme - FEH!

Carolina Panthers (3-5):
They somehow beat the Cards when inconsistency kicked in for Kurt Warner, but their other 2 wins have been against teams that are just as abysmal as they are, and they also lost to the anemic Bills.  Jake Del-hommie has been the king of interceptions going back to his unhappy birthday party in the playoff game against Arizona last year.  John Fox is on the hot seat again, and this team is coming nowhere close to a winning record, although they can still take pride in knowing they'll finish ahead of the Bucs...if that's any consolation - FEH!

Chicago Bears (4-4):
Jay Cutler was an embarrassment on opening weekend.  Then they pulled off a nice come from behind win against the Steelers.  Since then they haven't beaten a team with a winning record.  It doesn't get any easier for the rest of November, as they have the Niners, Eagles, and Vikings.  They're at .500 and they get the .500 grade - EHH.

Cincinnati Bengals (6-2):
Their opening weekend loss was on one of the luckiest plays ever witnessed in a long time.  Then they started playing with fire, but still found ways to win games.  The cardiac style caught up to them against the Texans, but they just swept the Ravens, and have not lost a divisional game yet.  They have another huge test this weekend, but they've been great the first half of 2009 - MM-HAH!

Cleveland Browns (1-7):
This team should be 0-8, but they managed to win the most embarrassingly awful game of the year against the Bills.  Who's the starter?  Nobody knows!  Why is Mangini still the coach? Nobody knows!  Can they actually pull off the upset and beat the Ravens next Monday?  That I think we can all answer with an emphatic NO!  They do play the Lions in 2 weeks, but mixed in with the next 5 are 4 games they should easily lose by double digits. - FEH!

Dallas Cowboys (6-2):
Since their 17-10 loss in Denver, the Cowboys haven't lost again.  They had to go to OT against the Chiefs, but that was the coming out party for one Miles Austin.  They had 2 pretty convincing wins leading up to this past weekend, and then Austin only caught 1 pass, but it was the game-winning TD.  This team seems to have answered all the questions from earlier in the season. - MM-HAH!

Denver Broncos (6-2):
They looked pretty darn impressive in their first 6 games, but the last 2, the wheels have fallen off.  They got manhandled by the Ravens in the 2nd half, and after their opening drive FG against the Steelers, they did absolutely nothing on offense the rest of the game.  Still, their 6-2 start is much better than anyone thought. - MM-HAH!

The completely professional critiquing continues on the next page.

Detroit Lions (1-7): They won a game!  They made a game out of it with the Steelers!  Then they go and lose to the previously winless Rams.  They won't go 0-16 this year, but 1-15 is definitely not out of the question. - FEH!

Green Bay Packers (4-4):
The Packers at least looked like they were losing to the good teams and beating the bad teams...but then they lost to the Bucs and ruined our hopes of a team going 0-16.  At .500, they're a mediocre team and 8-8 looks like "at best" for this team. - EHH.

Houston Texans (5-4):
They started out with a bit of inconsistency, but rolled off 3 straight wins, and really gave the Colts a scare.  They are a very improved team from the Texans we've grown accustomed to seeing, and for their vast improvements, they get a decent mark. - MM-HAH!

Indianapolis Colts (8-0):
Yes, they have a new head coach, but is this really any surprise?  They've had a couple scares the past 2 weeks, but they hung on.  They won't go undefeated, but they're still in great shape to reclaim their throne atop the AFC South. - MM-HAH!

Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4):
They have a pretty crappy schedule for the most part, but they're still a mediocre team.  They ruined the Titans' chances of 0-16, got shut out by Seattle 41-0, and their only win against a decent team was the Texans, and even that was close.  Hell they almost lost to the Rams!  They might be the worst .500 team in the league. - FEH!

Kansas City Chiefs (1-7):
This team is pathetic.  Matt Cassel could be 100% healthy the whole year and they'd still be 2-6 at best.  Their only win was against the Redskins, bravo, now there's something to be proud of.  They do have a pretty tough schedule, but they still couldn't beat the Jags or Raiders.  They still have to play the Broncos twice, the Chargers, Bengals, and Steelers, that's 5 guaranteed losses at least. - FEH!

Miami Dolphis (3-5):
They've shown flashes of greatness, but they're still way behind what they were last year.  Let it be known though that Chad Pennington getting hurt has actually helped this team, the offense has been much better without him.  Since their losses have all at least been to good teams, I'll go easy on them. - EHH.

Minnesota Vikings (7-1):
Their schedule for the first half of the year included quite a few "tomato cans," but they did manage to sweep the Packers and hung on for dear life at home against the Ravens.  Then Brett Favre blew the game at Heinz Field.  This team is still for real though, and they shouldn't lose very many more games the rest of the year. - MM-HAH!

New England Patriots (6-2):
Brady is back, and it looks like he's finally returning to his old self.  Granted it took 2 blowouts against the Titans and Bucs to get back to form, but they're still atop the AFC East once again.  They have a huge test coming up this week at Indy, but they still look to be back in cruise control for another division title. - MM-HAH!

New Orleans Saints (8-0):
They've had a few scares the last 3 weeks, but they've found ways to win.  Will they go undefeated?  Probably not, but they should easily have a first round bye in the NFC.  Their offense has stayed red hot, and this year their defense is vastly improved. - MM-HAH!

New York Giants (5-4):
They started off 5-0, mm-hah, everything was going great!  Now the wheels have come off and they've lost 4 in a row, feh!  They have a bye now, and it's the perfect time for one.  We'll meet in the middle for this one, and simply give the G-men a half-a$$ed grade. - EHH.

We'll finish up this report on page 3.

New York Jets (4-4): This is another consistently inconsistent team, a mirror image of the Ravens, won their first 3, lost their next 3, won, lost, and now just had their bye.  Mark Sanchez is definitely having some growing pains.  I know this is advice is going to be hard for New Yorkers to grasp, but give Sanchez some time.  Not every QB can be expected to come in and light the world on fire overnight. - EHH

Oakland Raiders (2-6):
Jamarcus Russell thinks he's good...HAHAHAHA!  Al Davis thinks he still knows what's best for the team...HAHAHAHA!  Tom Cable ridiculed ESPN for something that may actually be true...HAHAHAHA!  Obviously their win against the Eagles was a fluke.  This team is still garbage, and should easily lose AT LEAST 5 of their last 8 games. - FEH!

Philadelphia Eagles (5-3):
Scratch out that loss to the Raiders, and the Eagles have been pretty good this year.  They lost a dogfight to the Cowboys, but they will again meet the boys in the season finale.  This time it's not going to be for the final wild card spot, it'll be for the division crown. - MM-HAH!

Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2):
They blew 4th quarter leads without Polamalu, but they haven't lost since week 3 in Cincy, and that's who they'll play at Heinz Field this week.  They dominated the Broncos after the opening drive, and won very convincingly.  This team is looking a lot more like the defending champs every week, and that's a bad thing for the rest of the league. - MM-HAH!

San Diego Chargers (5-3):
They beat the teams they should've beat, and lost to 2 good teams and an iffy one (Ravens).  They also got the last laugh at the Meadowlands.  Now they host Philadelphia, and in 2 weeks they travel to Denver in what suddenly looks to be a showdown for the division.  They're starting to do again what they did last year,and Denver can't afford to slip up now. - MM-HAH!

San Francisco 49ers (3-5):
This team was sittin' pretty at 3-1, but like the G-men, the wheels have fallen off and they've lost 4 in a row.  Next they play host to a Bears team who needs a win just as much as they do.  They'll need to beat the Cards again and win 1 of their next 2 games if they're going to have any chance to win the division though. - EHH.

Seattle Seahawks (3-5):
How the heck did this team win 3 games?  Oh that's right, they beat the Rams, Lions, and Jags.  This team is horrible again.  Injuries have hampered them for sure, but what that proves is that this team has absolutely no depth.  Their record isn't indicative of how bad they are. - FEH!

St. Louis Rams (1-7):
Conflatulations, you're not going 0-16!  Don't worry, you're not winning any other games this year.  Even the Seahawks and Titans aren't that bad!  I can't even put into words how incredibly lousy this team is. - FEH!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-7):
Somehow they won a game.  Somehow they're not going to go 0-16.  Somehow they only have 1 winnable game left against the Panthers, but they should still find a way to get beat like a red-headed stepchild in that game as well. - FEH!

Tennessee Titans (2-6):
After begging for mercy from the late creator of my grading scale, they've won 2 in a row.  Unfortunately, this team is still amazingly awful.  They got progressively worse each week, and they're easily headed for double digit losses this season. - FEH!

Washington Redskins (2-6):
Where do I start?  They lost to the Lions, Chiefs, Panthers, nearly lost to the Rams and Bucs, and they don't have another winnable game until week 14 when they play the Raiders.  Oh yeah, they also have a punk of an owner who banned signs at the stadium because he can't handle the truth. - FEH!

That's the end, and oh what a year this has been.  The second half should be just as entertaining.  Can the Colts and Saints go 16-0?  Will any of the top teams fall by the wayside?  Will one of the creampuffs get on a roll and sneak into the playoffs by week 17?  We'll all find out together as the season progresses.

BK over and out
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11/26/09   |   johnshirey54   |   162 respect

It's crazy how things have changed in just two weeks, that's the NFL for you.

11/12/09   |   mrtriplesix   |   1160 respect

mathsys wrote:
Great article! I just wish the state of Michigan had an NFL team.

a joke right?

11/12/09   |   mathsys   |   6 respect

Great article! I just wish the state of Michigan had an NFL team.

11/11/09   |   jldunc   |   54 respect

Great article!  I just wish teams like the Raiders, Bucs, Rams, Skins, Browns and Chiefs could get relegated like in the EPL.  Then we wouldn't have to pay attention to them at all next season.

11/11/09   |   Heyhey1970   |   194 respect

Good stuff, Kramer.  The Bears might be EHH, but on Sundays, Bears fans spend a lot of time saying FEH.

11/11/09   |   JCAL9   |   59 respect

I know the Bucs season has been terrible so far, but we cant get an EEH for the that 10point win on Sunday.. I'm just saying..

11/11/09   |   BluDevil   |   618 respect

Awesome article, I like where you have SF. Personally I'd say that since the niners went to Smith they pretty much gave up any chance they had.

11/11/09   |   gobigblue1960   |   4803 respect

Nice job. Once again, my Lions are headed to another top five draft pick...FEH.!

11/11/09   |   mk_donley   |   2554 respect

WhoDat12 wrote:
Great piece kramer! I would make one change though - I would give the Browns a four letter grade if you know what I mean

Well said George! well said!

11/11/09   |   al3xsucks13   |   16 respect

The Browns Don't even deserve a feh

11/11/09   |   mrtriplesix   |   1160 respect

AM i the only person who finds it weird that the ravens was once a team all about defense. all of a sudden they find a QB and an offense and now their defense isnt what it used to be. the ravense record would be different with the defense from the past or just a couple of years ago. i guess its hard to have balance in the nfl

11/11/09   |   zhum24   |   47 respect

Nice article but I think you could expand the grading system just a bit more.

11/11/09   |   MarkTheShark   |   590 respect

(Edited by MarkTheShark)

I salute you sir.
You STILL gave the Panthers waaaay too much credit. The Buccaneers will beat them in BOA.

11/11/09   |   WhoDat12   |   2252 respect

Great piece kramer! I would make one change though - I would give the Browns a four letter grade if you know what I mean