alright, some people I know have been wanting to read more jokes from me.  I think I finally type out my demented little ones that might be considered inappropriate to some, just know that its coming from a demented madman.  if you cannot stand jokes please hit the back button.

I went to a bar a while back in my town. I went into the bathroom to use it. I looked at the urinals... one of them was too high for my frame the other one looked like a midget could use it. I didnt want to use the high one, because thats just nasty, I wouldn't want to bob for apples (figuratively speaking of course) or dunkin' doughnuts. so I skipped that one. then I looked at the other one, and thought what if a midget came in? I couldn't steal it from them. and on top of that I would have to bend down to use it or tinkle on myself. so instead of chancing me falling backwards onto the always wet floor, I used the toilet instead which was a little safer, but not that much.  

every weekend my dad has a Rummage (garage) sale. since I was a little kid, I dont think I have ever seen a sale that was so PACKED that someone had to rummage through the stuff to find what they need or are looking for. I think that a better word for these sales should be crap sale, maybe one day I will have one, and not put the sign that sales "Garage Sale". my sister had one a few times, but she had a sign saying "Free Sale"? wouldnt that be a giveaway? people kept going up to her and asking "how much for this?" uh. $1.50? god IDIOTS. back to my dad. he doesnt even look like hes having a garage sale. maybe he should call it a rummage sale because it just looks like he opened the garage. (so much stuff in there) and hes not even selling much I think that he gets pity money sort of like street musicians. I was thinking about what would be good to sell at the sale instead of garbage. and came up with the best solution. Breasts. Men LOVE breasts, once you see one set, you want to see them all, Some women love breasts, and babies can't live without them. which poses the age old question, how is the baby getting money to buy them?

If there are any lawyers around let me know I want to sue these people for fraud. I am still having problems with my xbox 360. Microsoft told me that because I originally sent in a Japanese console (NOT) that I cannot exchange it for the NTSC (American) version that someone that was taking care of my problem, who was no longer with Microsoft, promised to send me. the new guy, I think his names Tyrone or Jerome, told me that if I sent in a receipt for buying that elite that I sent in, he would get me a new one, all I needed to do was show proof that I purchased it.  well according to the last woman, named melanie, she said that because Target didnt add serial numbers to receipts, it wouldnt be valid. so I tossed the receipt after she said that.  He called back the next day and I told him that, he said well, why dont you call your bank and see if you can get a bank statement that shows you bought it. so I took 2 weeks getting the statement, but when I sent it to him, he said well this doesnt show ANYTHING except that you spent $600 at target and best buy you could have spent it on anything.  so I got really pissed off at him and hung up slamming the phone on the hook. later that day I found the target receipt and got a new best buy receipt to show that I bought 2 Elites from them. so I faxed these 2 to them, its been 3 weeks, the only problems with the Target receipt was that it was 1/2 faded because it was in the garbage and got wet. Part of the reason I told you this was to end with this thought on the subject. Microsoft or any warrantied product company tells the consumer to not open the xbox or you will void the warranty. someday I am planning on opening the xbox and I fear if I do I will find a japanese person in there sending either text messages or morse code to microsoft telling them "Don't help Corey, hes still pissed off at the last time you called him" I went to town to find the current Elite, and on the first try I went to all the imaginable retailers, target k-mart walmart kohl's ShopKo that were open at 8 in the morning. I called ahead of time and  most of the stores didn't have it, but I couldnt get a hold of K-Mart so I stopped in there.  my friend who was with me asked "wow are they even open?" We drove by and seen that they were, so I went inside, all the way to the electronics all I heard was the clip clop of my shoes. when I made it there, they were also sold out. for at LEAST 2 weeks. considering NO ONE shops there, how could they be sold out?! I have never heard of anyone that has actually admitted going to shop at K-Mart. At Best Buy I finally bought one within 5 minutes of entering the store. I think Microsoft actually called or faxed over my picture, phone number, name etc. to all the surrounding stores and also told them to be "sold out" if I ever come over.

I work at the 2nd largest casino in Northern Minnesota called "Black Bear Casino Resort (yes no punctuation or ands in there). we just moved into a newly built casino, which was built on top of the old one which was 10 years old. the people who built this casino were very brilliant. there is 300 ft of space, in length, and I think 100 in width, with only 1 floor of gaming. there are 3 bars, a steakhouse and buffet, high limit slots/blackjack, non-smoking area, and even a video Roulette table. there are 2 doors that us security guards have to guard, the east and west entrances. at the east entrance there is a Casino Rules Sign posted right as you walk in the door. where is the west entrance's sign? 1/2 way across the casino behind machines  at eye-level with hard to read lettering, at least hard to read from the west entrance.   the non-smoking area and high-limit slot machine areas are separated from the rest of the casino. the barrier between each of these, and the casino is 5 ft tall, the ceiling? 10 at least!! nice protection from smoke people.  our Human Resource Director, Leon Martineau called me into his office about a year ago because there was a report that I sexually harassed another employee.  My dad wanted to sit in there with Leon, my department manager, and me, but leon called him outside and said "if you don't leave A.S.A.P. Corey WILL get fired TODAY. and to enforce this, the department manager had one of the supervisors stand outside and B.S. with him until the meeting was over. During the meeting Leon told me that "the only reason that I was still here was because he messed up". which was a mess up again on his part, because I only messed up once, but he counted it as twice, naming the same incident but different date. I was like GREAT.  He also told me that he could give me ways to better myself as a guard, if I mess up one more time, I will be fired. I said ok fine. the first thing he told me was to go to church. which is a no no in our employee handbook.