Titus Young celebrates amongst other orange-clad inmates
The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of pure inspiration, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.
On Monday morning Titus Young rejoiced after waking up in jail, the culmination of his week-long goal to become completely and unequivocally incarcerated.
"What the hell did you think I was trying to do the whole time?" said Young, "you think I'm dumb enough to get arrested three times in one week?I was just making sure I'd never have to go back to Detroit."
While there have been glimpses into what the embattled receiver is capable of, we saw him truly flourish on Sunday evening when he was caught breaking into a house, proceeded to run away from the police, stopped on a dime and began throwing punches at those very same police.
"He's capable of everything we thought and more," said one of the many policemen Young tried to fight that night. "The DUI and subsequent failed trespassing into the impound lot from earlier this week were just flashes of brilliance. Whichever penitentiary lands this kid in the end is getting the real deal."
With Young being held at $75,000 bail, the sky really is the limit for the renegade receiver. "My goal is to remain humble, contentious, and violent all the way through sentencing. Maybe one day get put in solitary, who knows? I'm just trying to take it one day at a time."