Locker Room, Humor

Top Ten Types of People at the Gym: Part 2

3/9/10 in Locker Room   |   FavreDollars   |   24 respect

 Last Tuesday I brought to everyone's attention The Top Ten Types of People at the GymAfter some great feedback and comments from readers about some of the types of people I neglected to berate I decided I needed to do something about it.  That's why this Tuesday I am bringing to you Part 2!  If you missed the first one, check it out here.  If you already read it then enjoy the new additions.


The SSS Guy - This of course is the Shit, Shave, Shower Guy.  Every gym has a couple individuals who fulfill their complete set of daily hygiene duties at the gym.  Added to those three duties they may even bring their toothbrush for a fresh cleaning and worse off start clipping their toenails while sitting in the aisle way.  I'm all for good hygiene, but there is the time and place to get some of the things done and the gym isn't the place for it.

The Sweaty Immigrant - I'm not going to act like my shit doesn't stink, but for one reason or another people from other countries reek.  This is the guy that you immediately know can speak a different language other than English and he didn't have to use Rosetta Stone to do so.  It doesn't matter if this guy wipes down the bench or machine when he is done with his sets because the putrid smell will linger throughout your workout.  If he does fail to towel his residue then you should stay far away from that machine; maybe even out your workout early and go home.  It may be necessary.

The Lady Tennis Player - Also known as The Grunter, this person has to make animal sounds after every rep.  It's the loud, forced, let you know I'm here and lifting lots of iron noise that is emitted from this person.  It echoes across the gym and you can't help, but look at how ridiculous this person sounds every ten seconds.

The Smoke Breaker - It seems like there are probably two things that would be extremely frowned upon to break for during your workout.  One being stopping to grab an extra value meal at Mickey D's and the other is stepping outside to go smoke a chode.  There's usually one in every gym that just needs that quick hit of nicotine to get them through their routine.  I don't know what would be worse, breaking while at the gym or running out for a cig while the homily is being spoken during church.  Either way, this person needs a patch, a piece of gum, or some hypnosis to help them.

The Prison Cellmate -This is the guy that still thinks he's locked up in the pen and won't move out of his 4x4 area of the gym.  He runs there, does pushups there, lifts weights there, stretches there; he probably even changes there.  He's usually heavily tatted and only focused on his box.  He will not step outside of it.  Go up to this guy and bet him a pack of cigs that you can lift more than him.  I bet he'd do it.shirt

The Nipple Shirt Dude - This is the muscular guy who just so happens to cut his sleeveless t-shirt close enough to the just that his nipples hang over the outer edges.  He's probably closely acclimated with the Metrosexual or The Man in the Mirror.  He usually likes to throw in an abdominal workout in-between sets while he's benching just so his shirt can turn up enough for everyone to see his six pack.  When he's finished he'll stand up and rub his stomach muscles just to make sure they're still there.

The Metrosexual - If you're styling your hair to come to the gym then you're in the wrong place.  This is the guy or girl who walks in stuntin with their Gucci shades on and their hair all done up like they just got off the jersey shore.  Usually bronzed to the fullest and ready to show everyone in the gym what they're all about.  The girl usually puts on his Pat Benatar attire to workout in with her leggings and headband while the guy will wear his Adidas tearaways, tight Affliction T, and spiked hair that could puncture a porcupine.

The Super Sanitizer - There's a Mr. or Mrs. Clean everywhere.  This is the person that leaves the machine more wet from sanitizer then it was with sweat.  They can't handle just spraying a paper towel and wiping the machine down, nope, they have to grab the bottle, bring it to their machine and give it a full on super soaker style shooting.  I think I've even seen a person or two bring their own Lysol wipes with them.

The Set Master - This one is a combination of two different types of people that could fit.  The first is the person that takes forever to do their sets.  They pause for about fifteen minutes during each one and really drag on the entire workout.  You walk up to this person and ask if they're almost done and they're almost appalled, exclaiming, "Two more sets bro!"  The other type is the jump in set person.  They can't handle waiting an extra thirty seconds and they have to ask, "You mind if I jump in?"  Of course most of us are nice and say yes, but it's not really that hard to wait a minute.

The Man in the Mirror - Some people like to watch themselves in the mirror at the gym while they're working out.  That's fine, I don't care if you do or don't, but this is the person who takes it to the extreme.  They will stand four feet back from the dumbbell rack staring into the mirror during each curl to try and see their veins pop and then suddenly they stop abruptly.  Not because they are injured or something happened, but because someone walked in front of them.  They can't workout without a mirror and it's a debacle if the sight of their reflection is hidden at all by someone moseying on by.  This person needs to attend narcissistics anonymous.  That may be the funniest anonymous meeting you could ever witness.  Oh wait, just watch Tool Academy and it's the same thing.

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1/28/11   |   troiboi68   |   195 respect

I'm the sanitizer person-  

I've seen toooooo many dudes walk right the hell past the sink after doing their business.

1/28/11   |   janet011685   |   25875 respect

JyersSupertramp wrote:
I shake protein drinks in front of the mirror with my shirt off. ✓


(Need that sarcasm font again.)

1/27/11   |   half_baked   |   849 respect

What is with the dudes who have to get naked to weigh themselves? Why not just weigh yourself in your gym strip and then take off 2 or 3 pounds for the approximate weight of your clothes?

I don't get. I'm not homophobic or anti-exhibitionist by any stretch, but I'm not really into viewing a dude's pork and beans...

1/27/11   |   JyersSupertramp   |   448 respect

I shake protein drinks in front of the mirror with my shirt off. ✓

1/27/11   |   jswol54   |   20819 respect

"Not right now chief, I'm in the f'ing zone!

4/4/10   |   myrna_ventura   |   1214 respect

I admit,  I'm  sometimes the SSS or the Sanitizer type LOL 

3/14/10   |   kobe_lova   |   61975 respect

janet011685 wrote:

3/14/10   |   janet011685   |   25875 respect

kobe_lova wrote:
metrosexuals are cute!


3/9/10   |   RichyMcWiggleSr   |   2050 respect

I had a RARE Fn breed get in my way yesterday .. and there was two of em!

1.  They didn't rerack their Fn dumbells ... they even went as far as piling them (no Fn order to it whatsoever) under a single bench
2.  They took up 3 benches and gave me a s*** look for asking if I could use 1
3.  They were FN RETARDED!!!  There was no rythm or reason for their workout.  Bouncing between biceps, triceps, chest, abs ... WTF else!! 
If that weren't enough .... before they finished, one of em picked up the bench I wanted and relocated it to the aerobic area, BEFORE they were ready to go there ... because they KNEW I was going to use it!!

D-bags!!  .............. And this is a big gym ............... jus happened to have all 15 people wanting to use dumbells at the same time, so I just walked over and used the machines for a minute.

Not sure if you can add them into a mix somewhere??

3/9/10   |   kobe_lova   |   61975 respect

metrosexuals are cute!

3/9/10   |   Kenne   |   15959 respect

I sadly fit into a few of these categories, but I'm just a little of each

3/9/10   |   cuddles127017   |   8133 respect

Thank God, i don't go to the gym.