General Sports

A Comprehensive List of The Worst Guarantees In Sports

2/1/08 in General Sports   |   100%InjuryRate   |   1283 respect

Heading into this Super Bowl, we've heard a lot of guarantees by a lot of people in a lot of different forms. There's Giants co-owner Steve Tisch, who said flat out that the Giants will win. There's Plaxico Burress who said the Giants will win 23-17. And there's Michael Strahan agreeing with him. On the flip side, while the Patriots have kept their mouths shut, their fans sure as hell haven't. Their fans were selling 19-0 t-shirts (site is still up, but no longer selling tees) and the Boston Globe even has a book on Amazon ready to go entitled "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots."

But here's the simple fact. Someone is going to look real stupid when the game ends. Personally, I hope it's the Boston Globe.

But of course this won't be the first time it's happened. So to commemorate the fact that someone's going to go home a loser and a complete fool, we bring you the comprehensive list of terrible guarantees in sports, in no particular order. You can decide that for yourself.

So here we go.

Joe Glenn: The Wyoming football head coach guaranteed a victory over rival Utah the week before the game. Wyoming lost 50-0. The highlight of the game was when Utah recovered an onside kick while up 43-0 in the 3rd quarter, prompting Glenn to do this.

You can also watch the full video here.

Matt Hasselbeck: After the Seahawks won the coin toss to start overtime in a 2003 wild card playoff game against the Packers at Lambeau Field, referee Bernie Kukar asked Hasselbeck what he wanted to do. Hasselbeck said to Kukar and a national TV audience, "We want the ball, and we're gonna score!" You know the rest.

Tony Pena:
A year after contending in the AL Central with an 83-79 record, the Royals found themselves off to a 7-15 start in 2004. Pena, the reigning AL Manager of the Year, made a big guarantee. "[The losing] will stop tomorrow. I'm telling you right now we're going to win the Central Division. We're going to win it." The Royals promptly dropped five of their next six games and finished a dreadful 58-104.

Tracy McGrady: With his Magic trailing 2-1 in a first-round, best-of-five series against the Hornets in '02, T-Mac guaranteed a Game 4 win in Orlando to send the series back to Charlotte for a deciding fifth game. Orlando wound up getting absolutely annihilated on their home court 102-85. Even better, the following year the Magic, as a #8 seed, surprisingly took a 3-1 series lead against the heavily favored #1 seed Detroit Pistons. Prior to the fifth game in Detroit, McGrady was quoted as saying how wonderful it was to "finally be in the second round." The Pistons took note and served an epic beatdown on Orlando, winning Games 5, 6, and 7 by an average of more then 20 points.

Patrick Ewing: Ewing issued guarantees for literally everything, and rarely came through. But we'll just look at his worst two. In 1997, Ewing's line to the media was "See you in Chicago," by which he meant the Knicks would beat the Heat in a seventh game at Miami to face the Bulls in the Eastern finals. The Heat won. Ewing ended his Knicks career by guaranteeing a victory in Game 6 of the 2000 Eastern Conference Finals against the Pacers. He missed his final six shots in a 93-80 defeat.

Lou Piniella: Lou's Mariners won an AL-record 116 games during the 2001 regular season. The historic season was in jeopardy, however, when the Yankees swept the first two games of the ALCS in Seattle with three games looming in the Bronx. Piniella guaranteed that the series would return to Seattle for Game 6, which sounded good when the Mariners crushed the Yankees 14-3 in Game 3. But New York won the next two games to close out the Series in five games, with Yankees fans chanting each game, "No Game 6! No Game 6!"

Ray Buchanan: Said the Falcons would beat the Broncos in the Super Bowl and that Shannon Sharpe looked like a horse. He was right about one of those, and it wasn't the Super Bowl.

Geno Auriemma: In front of 25,000 fans that had come out in the snow to celebrate the team's 2000 national title, Auriemma promptly promised a repeat from the steps of the state Capitol building. The next season two stars went down with season-ending injuries and freshman sensation Diana Taurasi shot 1-for-15 in a national semifinal loss to Notre Dame.

Jerramy Stevens: Not-so-awesome human being Stevens told reporters that Steelers running back Jerome Bettis' homecoming was a great story, but it was a shame that Bettis wasn't going to end up with the trophy. Bettis got his trophy, while Stevens dropped a few critical passes in the game. Oh, and it now looks like Stevens was sort of a sexual predator during his college years.

Fred "The Hammer" Williamson: The Chiefs defensive back - who went on to star in a slew of blaxploitation films - inaugurated the first Super Bowl with a stinkbomb of a guarantee. In addition to predicting that the upstart AFL Chiefs would beat the Packers, Williamson vowed that his trademark forearm chop to the helmet - a move he dubbed "The Hammer" - would rain down on Packers receivers all day. Instead, Green Bay receivers, including hungover backup Max McGee, ran all over the field while The Hammer was carried off on a stretcher after getting trampled by running back Donny Anderson. Asked afterward about Williamson, Packers coach Vince Lombardi said, "Was he out there? The only time I noticed him was when they carried him off." Ouch.

Gary Stevens: The jockey, after having won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness aboard Silver Charm in 1997, guaranteed the Triple Crown three days before the Belmont Stakes. With about 200 yards left in the Belmont, it looked like Stevens and Silver Charm would win the first Triple Crown in 19 years. But Touch Gold ran them down in the stretch and won by ¾ of a length.

Mike Tice: The Vikings started 6-0 start in 2003, but then dropped three straight. Tice publicly proclaimed that his team would make the playoffs. Instead, the Vikings dropped the game immediately following the guarantee and went 3-4 down the stretch to finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs.

Nick Saban: As you can tell from the video below, Saban made it painfully clear he wasn't going to leave Miami to take the head coaching job at Alabama. He of course left for Alabama a week later.

John Kitna: Predicted the Lions would win 10 games this last season. They started 6-2. They finished 1-7.

Joey Porter: After the Dolphins started off this past season 0-3, Porter guaranteed a win over the hapless 1-2 Raiders. Instead, no-knee Daunte Culpepper, who was basically a backup all year, runs for three touchdowns and throws for 2 more. Porter goes on to heroically lead his Dolphins to a 1-15 campaign.

Julian Peterson: The terrible 2005 49ers were 1-1 and had just gotten smoked by TO and the Eagles 42-3 in Week 2. Unfazed by his crappy team, 49ers linebacker Peterson guaranteed a victory against the Cowboys the following week. The Niners lost to Dallas and dropped 11 of their next 12 games.

Chad Johnson: In 2002, with the Bengals 0-7, Chad guarantees a win over the 2-5 Texans. The Bengals won 38-3, but I'm not sure a guarantee over the Texans ever counts.
Notify me by email about comments that follow mine. Preview

2/4/08   |   jrcleveland02

I think Plax's guaruntee just left this list and joined another one

2/1/08   |   CalBoomer   |   43 respect

As Yogi Berra once noted: "It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future."