I'm sure most of you remember Ivan Ukhov. He was the Russian high jumper who showed up at a recent international track and field event bombed out of his mind on Vodka Red Bull, or as I like to call it "Super Communist Juice."
Ukhov instantly became a hero to drunkards and people who love unintentional comedy, which I know covers most of us on this site.
But, my friends, Ukhov has a terrible, terrible problem. It seems that he's in danger of being suspended for a full year by
Valentin Maslakov, Russia's head coach, said: "By competing in such a condition, he has disgraced all Russian track and field athletes. I will ask our federation to suspend Ukhov for a year."
Now see, I think that's unfair. Ukhov didn't use steroids, nor did he use HGH. And he even admitted through his manager that he was tanked.
"There's no denying that Ivan was drunk, but he had a fight with his girlfriend and was also upset at failing to qualify for the Olympics."
I think we all know what the moral of the story is here. Don't drink Vodka Red Bull before your event because it dehydrates you too quickly and makes you drunk faster. Instead, next time go with beer.
Boozy jumper in strife after quarrel with bar [Sydney Morning Herald]