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Here's What Shaq Can Do For You, Phoenix
by 100%InjuryRate
2/6/08

Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past day, then you probably know that Shaq is about to be traded to the Phoenix Suns. The trade, in reality, doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. Why would you add a slow-moving and injured giant to a fast-paced small ball team? I don't know, but it's certainly helped us during this slow week. I owe you a beer, Phoenix Suns.

Naturally, the reaction to the potential trade has not been positive. Here are some peoples thoughts on the trade from around the interwebs.
  • "This is the worst trade I have ever heard of in my life."
  • "If Suns pull off this trade, this means three former Bulls players would be ruining three franchises (Kerr, Paxson and MJ)."
  • SHAQ IS THE LAZIEST ATHLETE OF ALL TIME!!
  • besides the heat, the only people that stand to benefit from this trade are the Phoenix area custom suit tailors
  • "No me gusta."
But all these people need to realize that Shaq isn't just coming to Phoenix to play basketball, he's coming to enlighten the city. Shaq's a Renaissance man who has many other talents besides playing basketball that he'll bring with him. Let's look at what Shaq is besides just a broken down basketball player. He's a break dancer.


A video game character.


A thespian.


A horrible rapper.


Professional glass breaker.


Insult champion.


Professional Jackass personality.


Quote machine.

So see, you're getting an awful lot with Shaq, Phoenix. Maybe not a great player, but at least he'll be entertaining.
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252 days ago
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I'm warming up to it ever so slightly. I don't know why. I guess part of me is thinking this season has been pretty boring and the Suns haven't looked overly impressive, so why the hell not? The other part of me is thinking this will be a great excuse to drink.
 
252 days ago
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(Edited 02/06/08 2:59PM by RenegadeLG)
Where's the crappy rap video with Ice Cube?

And in the rap vid you did post, LOL @ the opening chord shamelessly ripped off from Dre and Snoop's 'Ain't Nuthin' But a G Thang', just slowed down. 
 
252 days ago
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Do you want me to shoot it? Nooooo

Do you want me to pass it? Noooo

Do you want me to slam? Yeaaa!
 
252 days ago
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Unfortunately for Phoenix, Shaq will provide more for them outside of basketball than on the court. 

 
251 days ago
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You honestly went through all of this with no 'Kazaam'???

Even though those are great, I'm slightly disappointed.
 
251 days ago
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Hey I'm going to miss Shaq, as a Heat fan he did a lot for us.  Of course he was a little less injury prone a couple years ago.  But I think the Suns will be doing just fine with him. 

I'm also sure he didnt try very hard the last year or so while with the Heat because he hates losing so much.  Good luck to you guys, you'll thank the Heat when you win the Championship.
 
251 days ago
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phinfan1323 wrote:
Hey I'm going to miss Shaq, as a Heat fan he did a lot for us.  Of course he was a little less injury prone a couple years ago.  But I think the Suns will be doing just fine with him. 

I'm also sure he didnt try very hard the last year or so while with the Heat because he hates losing so much.  Good luck to you guys, you'll thank the Heat when you win the Championship.
You should sell Snake Oil.