NBA

Pro Basketball Cheerleaders: America Vs Europe

1/4/09 in NBA   |   100%InjuryRate   |   1283 respect

With the NBA season in full swing, there's little question that in past decade European basketball players have begun to become much more prominent in the NBA. Many have become big stars, like Dirk Nowitzki and Tony Parker. In addition to that, pro European leagues have also improved drastically, helping to mold talent like Andrei Bargnani. Hell, Europeans even kicked our butts in the 2004 Olympics. Yes, Argentina won the gold (note: not actually European), but Italy won the silver. Yes, Italy. And Spain nearly knocked us off in the gold medal game in Beijing.

So if Europe's catching up to us - or even passing us - in terms of basketball skill, could they also be pulling ahead of us in terms of pro basketball cheerleading? That's not possible, right? After all, we invented cheerleading. Well, in all honesty, I have no clue if we invented cheerleading, but we definitely made it what it is today. So let's check it out, to see how pro European basketball cheerleaders match up against the best the NBA has to offer. By the way, if you think this is just a hotness contest, you're wrong. There's much more to cheerleading than being hot. Like dancing and, uh, other stuff. So anyway, here we go.


THEMED DRESS CHOICE




US:
We keep it simple here in the US. When cheerleaders - like the Phoenix Suns ones - go for a theme look, it's predominantly the classic sexy cowgirl. Effective yes, unique no.




EUROPE:
This is from the Opel Cup Tournament in Turkey. Now, you may say Turkey isn't part of Europe. Wrong. Part of Turkey is considered to be part of Europe. Now that we've finished the geography lesson, I have no clue what the hell the theme is here. Sexy beer wench? German fairy nymph? Definitely blows away the US on unique points, but loses points for pretty much everything else.

EDGE: US, for keeping it simple.


DANCING SKILLS





US:
Ah yes, now this is an area America dominates in. This is from All-Star weekend. Notice the precise timing, the incredible choreography, and last but not least, the overly suggestive pelvic thrusts. Also, they picked a song that's at least semi-current.




EUROPE:
This is from some Greek league and frankly, it's a disaster. The song, although traditional, doesn't lend itself to the always pleasing pelvic thrusts. Plus the brunette is having some trouble. And to top it all off, they do circulating leg kicks, which went out of style in the 1930s.

EDGE: America. By far.


DUNK-RELATED STUNTS




US:
Since we invented dunking, naturally our cheerleaders kick butt at it, like this Rockets cheerleader doing a nasty flip.




EUROPE:
Didn't invent dunking, which leads to cheerleaders having this happen to them. (Yes, she's a cheerleader, I checked)

EDGE: US.

RESEMBLING A STRIPPER (OR SOMETHING WORSE)



US:
Probably the one area I wish we didn't excel at. But excel at it we do. By the way, I think I saw this woman on 3rd and Mission at 4am last weekend.




EUROPE:
Actually takes the classier route and just goes with the belly-dancer look. It says, "I'll dance for money, but that's it."

EDGE: Europe, by far.


EXCESSIVE BODY ENHANCEMENTS




US:
Again an area we dominate, as evidenced by this Miami Heat cheerleader. Judging by her brown roots and, uh, not-really-natural chest, she was probably a less than ample brunette at some point in time. She also gets bonus points for hitting the tanning salon. She's just a nose job away from completing the cycle.




EUROPE:
Cheerleaders there don't seem to be quite as in to the Barbieization of themselves, so instead of excessive body enhancements, how about excessively weird outfits?

EDGE: US


ADDITIONAL SKILLS



US:
We train our cheerleaders to hit half court shots.





EUROPE:
They balance a woman doing a splits on poles while wearing some kind of skinned animal. Oh, and they also dunk themselves occasionally.



EDGE: Dunking yourself is pretty cool, so Europe.


AFTER HOURS HIJINKS



US:
Go out, get drunk, take racy photos of yourselves.




EUROPE:
I don't know, since I don't have pictures. But they probably go out and drink a lot of beer.

EDGE: US, clearly.


OVERALL HOTNESS



US:
I approve.




EUROPE:
Tony Parker approves.


CONCLUSION: European cheerleaders definitely aren't quite at the NBA cheerleader level yet, but if they stop dressing like forest nymphs, start doing some pelvic thrusts, and take racy photos of themselves, there will be no stopping them.

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1/26/09   |   chrisk67

 Um....is it me or in the picture with the Suns Cheerleaders....is a little to much showing for? Do you see what I see (green boots?) I like it, wish the pic was bigger.

1/12/09   |   spankyc14   |   14 respect

(Edited by spankyc14)

Speaking of which, why aren't there cheerleaders in the Olympics?  Clearly somebody needs to come up with a venue for an international cheerleading competition of some kind.  Let's start out with the FIBA world championships.

4/6/08   |   Keeter   |   92 respect

You know.....I think if you look closely enough at the Sun-ette (top pic) on the lower right, I believe you'll see more than just the camel's "toe" (so to speak........)       

4/6/08   |   NittanyJon   |   245 respect

The video from the Greek League was classic. The car horn noises from the crowd was too obnoxious.  

4/5/08   |   peter1

Click and then scroll down for some crooked noses to browse through...

http://www.union.olimpija.com/15/17/ 

Or google any professional teams in Poland...easily the best of the best...

http://www.azs.koszalin.pl/azs_foto.php?g=34&f=791

http://www.prokom.trefl.com.pl/index2.php?page=che

Don't take this like a Chris Farley/O'Doyle from Billy Madison comment, but they don't have BO...I know from personal experience.

4/4/08   |   peter1

You have obviously never attended a basketball game in: Poland, Czech Republic, Slovenia, Russia, or the Ukraine.  The argument is like comparing the most beautiful, natural girls from the neighborhood(who are friendly, will accompany you on a night out, and quite possibly also escort you home) with a bunch of Dr. 90210 patients who THINK they can dance, who THINK they're hot,  and who BELIEVE they should be treated like royalty.  An American cheerleader will never cook you dinner.  A Polish cheerleader will serve it to you naked.