Since Rivals.com figured my superior cross country running skills wouldn't translate well into being a great D-1 wide receiver, I was robbed of the opportunity to hear a college football coach's sales pitch.

I've always wanted to sit in on the conversations college football's best recruiters have with high school prospects. Get a first hand account of how well they sell that snake oil and how much they could get me to buy. The Nick Sabans, Urban Meyers and Pete Carroll's of the world. You can add Rick Neuheisel to that list now that he's the head coach at UCLA and back into the recruiting game.

Neuheisel's confidence and swagger from having been a top QB for the Bruins will play very well for him in Southern California. You'll see plenty of that here in this speech given to recruits before UCLA's spring game (dug up by Gutty Little Bruins).

"I'm the only guy in the history of the Rose Bowl to be the MVP and the head coach of the winning team"

"They rank (UCLA) No. 3 in the country. You'll have to show me two better ones."

"The Fresh Prince of Bel Air lived across the street."

"I’m telling you, it’s special. If you can’t feel it yet, then I don’t know what’s wrong with you…I’m telling you this is going to be the place. This is going to be the place…we are going to turn this program around…and I want you to help us do it.”

"Dreams do come true at UCLA. Ask Jackie Robinson. Ask Arthur Ashe. Ask Kareem Abdul-Jabbar."

Name dropper! Damn, that man's good. Where do I sign? I think I've got some eligibility left.

Neuheisel's best line was near the end at the 5:40 mark if you want to fast forward past the pitch when he pokes a little fun at himself.

"Unfortunately they won't let us let you sit on the sidelines. The NCAA. And I'm not going to mess with them any more.

Now hopefully someone can intercept one of Saban's video conferences, you know the ones the NCAA classifies as not being face-to-face. I bet there's some real BS thrown around there.