Since I'd rather not relive the actual full version, and Major League Baseball wouldn't allow that anyway, we'll go with this extremely stupid Actober recreation.

4 1/2 years and several pissing on his hands moments later, Moises Alou has finally decided to bail Steve Bartman out of the infamous NLCS Game 6 2003 Playoffs foul ball incident.

"Everywhere I play, even now, people still yell, 'Bartman! Bartman!' I feel really bad for the kid," Alou told Associated Press columnist Jim Litke.

"You know what the funny thing is?" he added a moment later. "I wouldn't have caught it, anyway."

Just a little late on the empathy, Moises.

Bartman didn't have a chance of surviving this incident anyway, but a comment along these lines back in 2003 could have at least taken a man out of the witness protection program.

Now all we need is Alex Gonzalez to let us know he wasn't going to catch that routine ground ball, anyway.