WWE Armageddon Recap for December 14, 2008 - WWE WTF?
As a long time wrestling fan (since 1981), I decided to share my opinion on last night's PPV - Armageddon. I'll go match by match:
Match #1 - Vladimir Kozlov vs. Matt Hardy (Non-title match): starting the PPV with this match was a terrible booking. Matt Hardy's limited moves (due to knee problems) and Kozlov's relative newness to pro wrestling instantly killed any momentum this PPV had from the start.
This match was slow, boring, and killed the crowd. The only way this PPV could have started off worse is if the commentaters would have started talking about Christmas shopping. Kozlov wins with a sideslam/choke slam combo thingee; I'm already sleepy just 10 minutes into it.
There was some transition bit with Edge, Chavo and Vickie...I didn't listen because the dialogue between those three people hasn't changed in the last 15 months. Something about coffee and two Splendas...
Jim Ross sells some worthless phone poll...something about who attacked Jeff Hardy last month. Shouldn't you have done this the very next day?
Finlay tells Hornswoggle he's short, and he should stay backstage while Daddy is wrestling.
Match #2 C.M. Punk vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. (Intercontinental Title shot goes to the winner): 'King of the Ring' Regal and his lady are ringside. Decent back and forth match, lots of false finishes, and C.M. Punk finally hits his go-to-sleep finisher and gets the pin. Rey Jr. has been potatoed, it appears that Punk broke Rey's nose on the finisher. Cue the staredown between Punk and Regal, and go to break...
Royal Rumble - January 25th promo - the best 60 minutes of wrestling you'll see all year in one match.
Jeff Hardy does some promo in the dark - you can't even see him for much of the promo - not sure what they were trying to get across here.
HBK and JBL segment - HBK sells the whole "I'm broke, need the money" gimmick with JBL, sheds a few tears, shakes JBL's hand and reaches an agreement to work for JBL. Boo freakin' hoo.
Orton promo - Eve Torres earns her paycheck, talks to Orton, Cody Rhodes and Manu. Nothing worthwhile, or new for that matter, is spoken.
We're over an hour into the PPV, just two matches and a bunch of talk. Is this WCW?
A few Buffalo Bills are ringside - didn't you guys lose to the Jets today?
Match #3 - Belfast Brawl - Finlay vs. Mark Henry: in a match that surprises almost no one, it's another replay of every house show match these two have had. Henry beats on Finlay, Hornswoggle gives Finlay the slelaliegh stick, whacks Henry in the head, pinfall, match over. This match was awful.
Divas segment backstage - funny spot where (predictably) Santino shows up with Beth Phoenix, touts her Slammy win, goes to get a present, and gets a hand full of the Boogeyman in the present stack. Cue Goldust under the mistletoe, and Santino runs off like a girl. Cute spot with Boogeyman and Goldust acting normal, exchanging presents and then singing a Christmas Carol. Funniest thing seen all night.
Match #4 - Batista vs. Orton: I know Orton has been cleared to wrestle for a couple of months, but he just seems to be avoiding major impacts. Both men are wearing black tights and black boots, makes it a bit difficult to sort out who is doing what. Lots of back and forth moves here, Batista fights off a few RKO attempts, catches Orton in the corner, hits a Batista bomb, gets the pin. Best match of the night so far.
Slammy Awards recap - filler.
Match #5 - Divas 8-person tag match: Team Good Divas gets the win over Team Evil Divas. Not a lot of real wrestling takes place. (I wonder, why have two women's champions if they never defend their titles?)
After the match ends, Khali comes out and joins the celebrating divas for the "Khali Kiss Cam". Originally Michele McCool is selected, but after she refuses, back up plan Mae Young staggers out to get a big wet kiss from a 400 lb. Indian. Yuck.
Match #6 - Chris Jericho vs. John Cena (champion) - World Heavyweight Championship: Once again, Chris Jericho demonstrates how to wrestle a match. A lot of work with Cena inside and outside of the ring. Both Cena and Jericho taste the ring steps on separate occasions. Jericho hits his Codebreaker off a reversal, only gets a long 2 count. Jericho charges Cena, who manages to hit his own finisher (the FU), but Cena only gets a 2 count. Cena tries the STFU, Jericho reverses into the Walls of Jericho. Jericho holds finisher at least 60 seconds, then somehow Cena does this push up reversal and rolls into his STFU submission hold, which Jericho taps out ta bit too quickly. Good match. Cena retains the title, pollutes RAW for at least 5 more weeks with his jean shorts, ball caps and sweat bands. Overweight teenagers with back acne, greasy hair and cavity creeps are stoked.
Another Royal Rumble promo - yes, we get it, it's January 25th.
Jim Ross and Tazz reveal that 65% vote that Edge attacked Hardy. In other news, 100% of people who participated in this poll are now $1 poorer for doing so. Dumbasses.
Match #7 - Jeff Hardy vs. HHH vs. Edge (champion) - WWE Championship: Typical start to a three-way match; all three brawl until one is sent outside of the ring. Magic 8 ball says Jeff Hardy flys over top rope, lays outside of ring 'dazed'. HHH and Edge wrestle back and forth, until HHH gets close to hitting a Pedigree, at which time Hardy rejoins the match to break up the attempt. HHH tries again to hit a Pedigree on Edge, Jeff Hardy dives off top rope with his 'Whisper in the Wind' and drills both competitors. Action spills to the announcer tables, where Edge spears Hardy thru an announcer table.
Edge and HHH wrestling in the ring, HHH hits Pedigree on attempt #4, goes for pin, but is stopped by Kozlov who has run down to ring side to prevent the pin. Matt Hardy chases Kozlov at ringside, both fight in the aisle. All three back in the ring. Jeff Hardy tries a swanton bomb, is pushed off top rope by Kozlov. Kozlov and Matt Hardy leave ring area. Edge hits a spear on HHH, gets a 2 count. Edge goes for steel chairs, sets up HHH for a con-chair-to. Jeff Hardy grabs chair from Edge, drills him before he gets to take a shot. Hardy goes for a swanton, gets tripped on top rope by HHH, busting Hardy's boys. HHH hits Pedigree on Edge, goes for pin, but Jeff Hardy comes off of top rope with a swanton, drills a prone Edge, and knocks HHH out of the ring. Hardy covers Edge and gets the pinfall and wins the WWE Title for the first time ever.
Jeff Hardy celebrates his first title win at ringside; later walks the aisle and climbs to the top of the stage set at the top of the ramp.
Overall: This PPV started out way too slow. The parking brake was on and really didn't get released until we were half way into the show. A good finish makes up for a very poor start to the show.