Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live Thread

Can Jerry's Kids put the first dent in the Falcons' perfect record? [NFL Sunday Live Thread]

11/4/12 in NFL   |   Jess   |   34876 respect

Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadWelcome to the Week 9 Edition of FanIQ's NFL Sunday pregame extravaganza! This week we welcome Jason, whose method for choosing winners in these games is a little unorthodox. However, interestingly enough, if you removed all of the reasoning behind the scores given, the picks actually make sense. But don't do that, because you would miss a whole mess of entertainment.

Jason has been with FanIQ off and on for several years and although he's an avid sports fan, he's most active in the Locker Room. This is the first time he has joined us for the NFL Sunday pregame, but it's highly probable we'll have requests for a return visit.

Take it away, Jason!

I'm basing all my predictions on the names/mascots of the teams playing. Since parity runs rampant and I suck at making predictions, I figure why not have some fun.

TNF Game:

Chiefs @ Chargers
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadI don't even know what the hell a charger is. I'm going to just call them cell phone chargers since that's the first thing I think of when someone says charger. So basically we have eleven native american tribal leaders vs eleven cell phone chargers. The Chiefs take this. I can see the tribal chiefs approaching these mysterious black things and stabbing the crap out of them with their huge awesome spears while cursing the white man for bringing small pox. Chiefs 24 - Evil White Man Magic 21.

Jess: Interesting take, and by the way the Chargers are performing recently I might agree with you. But, I think that they know their season's on the line, Norv's job should be on the line, and they're at home. The Chargers will show up and pull off the win.

*By the time this publishes, this whole pick and "analysis" will be moot.


Early Games:

Broncos @ Bengals
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadEleven wild horses vs. eleven tigers. I don't think this one is even close. Tigers are pure hunting machines. Horses let people sit on them. Bengals 27 - Broncos 17.

Jess: Horses let people sit on them? Have you ever tried to sit on a wild horse? No, scratch that, have you ever tried to sit on Peyton Manning? I'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over well. I think that the Broncos do what they usually do - fall behind early but come back and win it in the fourth.

Ravens @ Browns
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadSo I looked up how the "Browns" got their name. Uh...they got their name from Paul Brown? As in the Paul Browns. Holy crap that's ridiculous. Eleven descendants of Paul Brown vs. eleven large black birds. I don't even know how to choose...a bunch of little great great grandkids won't really know how to deal with eleven crazy birds flying around trying to peck their eyes out. Pandemonium ensues. Kids running around eyeless bumping into shtuff, crying, falling around while the birds pluck away. I'd pay good money to see this. Ravens 35 - Small Blind Children 14.

Jess: Whoa. We just went from Paul Brown descendants to small blind children. What just happened? Anyway...obviously the Ravens and Browns have a rich history between them, and I'm sure there's a little bit of bad blood there, if only between the fans. If Flacco can pull it together, this could be a blowout. I'm not sure that's going to happen, but I still think the Ravens win this one.

Cardinals @ Packers
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadJesus...another team named after an owner? So the Packers got their name because the guy who put up the initial money for the team owned a company named Indian Packing. I don't know what an Indian packer is but they sound like someone you don't want to mess with. If they can pack an Indian they can probably take care of some dumb red birds. Indian Packers 42 - Cardinals 9.

Jess: I...huh? I don't know what an Indian packer is either, but I'm thinking it has more to do with cheese than anything else. Regardless of how you got there, I agree with your pick, and oddly enough, your score seems reasonable as well.

Bears @ Titans
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadEleven Greek gods vs eleven bears? How is this fair for the poor bears you ask? Well here's how...the bears are infused with the power of baby Jesus...who, by the way, hates pagans and the false idols they worship. So fueled by some old school Old Testament Jesus juice the holy bears obliterate their ancient predecessors. Jesus Bears 28 - False Gods 9.

Jess: Did Tebow get traded when I wasn't looking? I know Cutler can have some rough games, but that's a little ridiculous. Oh... The way the Bears are playing lately, I think they'll be too much for the Titans to take unless something goes wonky, which is always a possibility. They'll probably put up a bigger fight than you're anticipating though and keep it close, maybe even taking the lead a time or two.

Dolphins @ Colts
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadHere we go again with wild horses. Eleven of them against eleven dolphins. Poor little dolphins all laying around flapping their little flippers while a bunch of stupid horses gallop around and shtuff. Damn...this game is PETA's worst nightmare. Even if PETA members were to run on the field and spray the dumbass dolphins with a hose to keep them wet they aren't going to be able to stand up and do anything...just lay there and blow their stupid blowholes. Worst game of the week. Colts 7 - Dolphins 6.

Jess: Wow. I think this might be a decent game, actually, but I have Miami winning a close matchup. They're playing a lot better than expected this year, and the Colts are still finding themselves.

Panthers @ Redskins
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadIn the racist game of the week we have a bunch of ticked off African Americans vs. some normal run of the mill reservation Indians. Remember...these guys aren't chiefs...so no huge awesome spears...just loincloths and daggers made of rock or something. Panthers 17 - Redskins 14.

Jess: Jason, don't you know that the best warriors in the tribe were usually just "normal-run-of-the-mill" guys with really great weapons? Bows with poisoned arrows, spears, battle hammers, tomahawks, hatchet axes, jawbone clubs, blow guns...the list goes on. Wait...why am I getting sucked into this conversation with you? This is football. This year, I think RGIII is better than Cam Newton. That may change in the future after Newton crawls out of his sophomore slump and RGIII falls into his, it may not. Either way, Redskins, flip your score.

Lions @ Jaguars
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadI'm not saying Jaguars like that stupid guy in the car commercials...its not jag"wers" you British dolt, its jag"wires". Anyway...all this game is missing are some Christians to throw on the field and we would have ourselves some truly medieval shtuff. Lions are just too big for the tiny jag"wires". Lions 28 - Jag"wires" 7.

Jess: The Jag"wahrs" are awful this year, and the Lions are coming off of their momentum-building win against the Seahawks last week. That, coupled with the newfound weapon in Titus Young, is just enough to give Stafford some confidence against a very weak Jags team. Lions, easily.

Bills @ Texans
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadEleven guys named Bill vs eleven true "merkins". Nothing in the world is worse than one of these 'merkins...let alone a whole team of them. Nine times of out 10 the 'merkins win just because their opponents walk off the field chuckling and shaking their heads. Merkins 35 - Bills forfeit.

Jess: Can that even happen in the NFL? And did you know that the Buffalo Bills used to be the Bisons before the fans renamed them the Bills after Wild Bill Cody? Bison are mean, and they can kill people. And Bill Cody killed bison. So it stands to reason that he was tougher. Uhm... "merkins"?...I don't even know how to respond to this. Texans win. By a lot.

Late Games:

Buccaneers @ Raiders
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadHOLY WOW CRAP! Manliest game of the week! Everyone wins...nerds...women...gays! This should be the Sunday night game! Primetime! Pirate on pirate action. Sword fights...cannons...swashbuckling...arrr mateys....I'm getting a [censored]. Buccaneers 14 - Raiders 14.

Jess: Tie game? Hm...with these two teams, I could see it happening, actually. Tampa Bay has to travel quite a long way, but I think they overcome that obstacle and take this game. But I do think it will be close - you might be right about the fact that it should be on Primetime.

Vikings @ Seahawks
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadSeahawks are just glorified seagulls. Seagulls are just flying white rats. Disgusting effers flying around spreading their AIDS. Can't eat on the beach without 73 of these things trying to fly into your mouth to steal your partially chewed Cheez-It. Gross. Thank goodness its been historically proven that Vikings were immune to pretty much everything but other badass Vikings and old age. Also, Vikings had beards...real beards...not the metrosexual beards of today. Vikings 42 - Flying Rats 3.

Jess: Seriously?! Seagulls? Flying rats? That's completely inaccurate, sir. While a "seahawk" isn't a technical term, it refers to an osprey, which is an awesome bird of prey. And Taima, the Seahawks real mascot, is an auger hawk. Gorgeous. Google it. I may never speak to you again. All that said, regardless of whether the Hawks win or lose, they'll keep it a lot closer than 39pts. They're at the Clink with the 12th man. 

Steelers @ Giants
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadSo a bunch of guys dressed up like Blind Melon groupies vs some giants? I dont care if you do pour hot steel all day...it does nothing to stop a huge foot from stepping on your face. Even if I were to level the playing field a little and say eleven Andre the Giants its still no use. That guy could drink like 7 kegs of beer in one sitting. Giants 24 - Steelers 10.

Jess: Hah! I hope you're right. I think the Giants win too...maybe not by much. And I think it comes down to last minute drama.

Primetime:

Cowboys @ Falcons
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadWhat the hell do cowboys really do? Nothing. They sit around on horses and make sure cows stay put. They sit around and eat beans and play harmonicas around campfires...facepalm. Hands down the most overrated mythos in american pop culture. The Falcons make Hitchcock proud. Falcons 36 - Brokeback Mountains 12.

Jess: Hmm. I'll agree with cowboys being overrated in general, but, Billy the Kid? Doc Holliday? Butch Cassidy? Even Calamity Jane? I wouldn't want to face them. These people killed people for fun. Oh wait - I guess they weren't technically cow people. Anyway.The longer the Falcons go undefeated, the more difficult it is for them to stay that way. Good thing they're facing the Cowboys this week, because Dallas is just bizarre. And they're in Atlanta. I like the odds for a Falcons win here too. 

MNF Bonus Pick:

Eagles @ Saints
Blog Photo - Week 9 FanIQ Sunday Pre-Game and Live ThreadThink about what would happen if Mother Theresa, Thomas Aquinas, Vincent DePaul, and the gang lined up against 11 physical embodiments of the United States of by God America? Rifts would be open in the space time continuum. Virgin births all across the land! Heretics catch on fire in the middle of the street! Kirk Cameron weeps tears of blood! Mitt Romney tells the truth! Christians vs Americans! BUT...CHRISTIANS...ARE...AMERICANS......AMERICANS...ARE...CHRISTIANS....ARRHGHARRGHGHARARGGHGH. All white people implode. Eagles 14 Saints 13.

Jess: The Saints defense is a mess. The Eagles are just a mess. Is it Andy Reid? Is it Michael Vick? Is it just Philadelphia in general? Who knows. While it would usually make sense for this to be a shootout, I don't see that happening. Unless Michael Vick goes bananas in an effort to keep his job and out-plays Brees, Saints win.

Thank you, Jason, for a very entertaining and actually quite educational look into the wild world of the NFL. The strangest thing about this particular edition is that you'll probably come closest to getting all of your picks correct, since there was no real NFL analysis involved. 

Everyone else - grab a drink, some snacks, and Q it up here for NFL Sunday on FanIQ!



If you would like to be a part of this blog, sign up here!


.
Notify me by email about comments that follow mine. Preview

11/8/12   |   carolD70058   |   1 respect

I accept your challenge for the Saints/Falcons

11/7/12   |   Dream_Machine   |   13285 respect

Seagulls?

11/5/12   |   DallasFan55   |   38115 respect

So far Jason has a 8 outta 13 correct, Still waiting to see tonight's game but overall not bad at all. yes

11/5/12   |   kobe_lova   |   61956 respect

I heart my friend. So crazy.


Falcons won.

11/5/12   |   carolD70058   |   1 respect

I accept your challenge. GO SAINTS!!!!

11/5/12   |   kramer   |   11004 respect

Scott wrote:
Looks like the Redskins rule just gave Mitt Romney a ringing endorsement

They lost their last home game before Election Day back in 2004 also...Dubya still got re-elected.

11/5/12   |   WolfieNY1   |   45 respect

I am back after a few years overseas. How have you been?

11/4/12   |   Scott   |   53751 respect

Looks like the Redskins rule just gave Mitt Romney a ringing endorsement

11/4/12   |   Scott   |   53751 respect

Jeff_P wrote:
LUCK has over 400 yds passing....and the game is tied........wow.......

Luck set the single game rookie record for most yards passing in a game. Tannehill still has a chance to get the Dolphins into field goal range to tie though

11/4/12   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

(Edited by Eric_)

Since no one's told me to stop the gimmick, I now call the Ravens as winners over the Browns, and am closely watching Panthers-Redskins, Broncos-Bengals, and Packers-Cardinals to make a call.

Edit: We can now call it for the Packers.

Edit 2: Due to both teams grabbing onside kickers, we can now call it for the Broncos and Panthers. Dolphins-Colts is the only game worth crap now.

11/4/12   |   HouTxFan   |   5177 respect

11/4/12   |   Jeff_P   |   19893 respect

Scott wrote:
Ryan Tannehill and Andrew Luck are putting on a show in Indy.  Colts and Dolphins tied at 20

LUCK has over 400 yds passing....and the game is tied........wow.......

11/4/12   |   Scott   |   53751 respect

Ryan Tannehill and Andrew Luck are putting on a show in Indy.  Colts and Dolphins tied at 20

11/4/12   |   Scott   |   53751 respect

Even though his completion percentage has hovered around 50% for the day, Aaron Rodgers strikes once again for the Packers when they needed it most

11/4/12   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

The Gearhead News Network now projects the Texans as the victors over the Bills. We consider the Panthers/Redskins game too early to call, and the rest of the games too close to call.

11/4/12   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

The Gearhead News Network projects that when all the points are counted, that the Bears will defeat the Titans and the Lions will defeat the Jaguars.

11/4/12   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

Rodgers to Cobb for a TD, an absolute beauty of a throw and catch.

11/4/12   |   JenX63   |   32777 respect

Redskins wearing their throwbacks. Not helping their struggling offenses/defenses. I can't even drink today to soften the blow or bring on the celebration.

11/4/12   |   kramer   |   11004 respect

Jason should do this more often.  Although I disagree with some of his picks, this was quite amusing.

11/4/12   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

My friend Jon (who old time Q'ers should remember) suggested on Twitter to donate $10 to the Red Cross every time your team scores a touchdown today. I just did the Cobb touchdown.

You don't have to of course, but just a thought.

11/4/12   |   kobe_lova   |   61956 respect

I'll read later as usual.


Go Falcons!

11/4/12   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

Indian Packing was (is?) a meat packing company.

I know Red Zone's not for everyone, but it's vitally important today, because it'll be 7 hours of no commercials. It'll be the only time you can have the TV on the next 48 hours and not have political ads. Huzzah!

11/4/12   |   kteacher   |   34390 respect

Ha!

11/4/12   |   Jeff_P   |   19893 respect

some of these picks are a JOKE...........lmao.......lolololololol......hahahahahahahaha.......

11/4/12   |   DallasFan55   |   38115 respect

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!...I want Jason to do this every week...I'm rolling here!!!!

11/4/12   |   Jeff_P   |   19893 respect

the BOYS wont win this game...the FALCONS are on a roll and are at home.......FALCONS WIN...31-21