First- let me apologize. No, this is not my final Daytona installment. Things in my life have taken a downward turn as of late and I'm sorting through a lot of....well, crap. I will write it one of these days, but my heart just isn't in it. I know we all have had run ins with those bumps in the road. Those moments and events where we can't even see around what we have in front of us to guess at an outcome.
I am a fairly happy person. Upbeat, love to make others laugh. In college, I was infamous for calming down a frantic classmate at the height of their most stressful moment. "Oh my God!! I have to finish Ritter's project, read 3 chapters for Dr Greene, I haven't done laundry in a 2 weeks and I'm wearing my last pair of clean underwear!" Aside from the laundry problem, I looked at school in terms of: "will the outcome of this single isolated project or report matter to me in 5 years?". Don't get me wrong. I was a good student, I studied hard, but I also was a realist. I often use that tactic on myself. Will this single moment effect the outcome of my life to the extent that it will matter in 5 years? Or even a week. Usually I am able to calm myself down with an answer of "no".
But then there are the things that happen where the answer might be "yes". I'm at that point. I'm trying not to panic, I'm being reasonable, but I may lose some people in my life. Not literally. We will all keep living. But they might not be a part of my life. So, if I consider this life of mine a race, "Caution is out, we have massive debris!" They may decide to red flag this race and I can't do anything to fix it. To continue with the racing analogy, I love it when a car that limped off the track- steam spewing from the engine, wheels askew- makes it back out to the track just to get that driver a few more precious points. I often laugh pointing at the hoodless vehicle as it barely maintains the speed to safely stay out. But i admire that crew for the valiant effort in tearing that car apart and trying to salvage the day. They could very easily pack up the hauler and call it a day. Hit the highway. Head for home and look at next week.
Ironically- as I write this- one of the people I am trying not to lose has called me. She is limping around the track too. So much duct tape holding on her bumper, it's not even aerodynamically correct anymore. But she's trying. So I will too. She needs a recipe for brownies that we made last time we were together. Hearing her falsely bright voice on the phone as she greeted me with her regular "Hey, Ter" just might be enough for me to drag my self back out to the track when it would be so much easier for me to head to the hauler. So here I go. Hit me with some fresh tires and gas. This WILL matter to me in 5 years.