A Few Words Of Advice To Yankees Fans, As You Sip Your Victory Champagne
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, it's time to address Yankees fans. I hate to rain on your figurative and literal parades, but it's obvious that a vast majority of you are just a bunch of little A-Rod's, desperately seeking the attention and approval of others, completely clueless as to why no one likes you, despite the fact that it's painfully obvious to everyone else.
Granted, this does not apply to ALL Yankees fans. Many of them are perfectly good and reasonable folks who, for whatever reason, ended up being fans of the Evil Empire. Whether it's through familial ties or geographical ones, these things happen sometimes. So if you are a Yankees fan, and reading this makes you mad at the people that I'm talking about, then you're not one of them. But if this makes you upset at me, then you are indeed the kind of "fan" that I'm talking about, so read carefully.
Here are a few tips, to help you become just a little less obnoxious and annoying to the rest of the country. Take them to heart, and we'll all be better off.
1) Act like you've been there.
That's right. Don't do the Chad Ochocinco touchdown dance. Make like Barry Sanders. Act like it's old hat for you... because it is. Unless you're 9 years old, you HAVE seen your team win a World Series before. So act like it. Don't pretend that you're shocked at the fact that your $210M juggernaut actually accomplished what they should have done every year for the past decade. Feel fortunate that your upper management finally threw the money in the right direction, and ceased the ineptitude that they have been saddled with since losing to the Diamondbacks in 2001.
2) Stop saying "we".
Unless your name is on the Yankees' postseason roster, there is no reason whatsoever for you to ever use the word "we", when discussing your beloved Yankees. I know this will be hard for you to understand, but you didn't do a damn thing to contribute to the Yankees winning the 2009 World Series. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but sitting your ass on the couch had absolutely nothing to do with the Yankees' success.
3) Not everyone is just a "jealous hater".
No one is perfect. Not even the Yankees. There are flaws everywhere. If someone points out those flaws, it does not mean that they are jealous of you. It does not mean that they arbitrarily hate you or your team, just for the sake of blind hatred. There is actually a pretty good chance that they have legitimate criticisms, and you might do well to at least acknowledge them, and try to see where people are coming from. It may improve you as a person, and as a fan.
4) You have no perspective. None.
Some Yankee fans have used words like "euphoric" to describe their feeling after the Yankees won Game 6. Others have said things like "It's felt like eternity since our last championship." Those comments epitomize a ridiculous lack of perspective. As someone whose team didn't even PLAY in a World Series from the time I was 2 years old until I had already graduated high school, experimented with the whole "college" thing, and then spent a year in the military... I can assure you that 9 years is FAR from an eternity. That, and seeing your team win their 5th championship in your adult lifetime is not "euphoric". Seeing your team win a World Series after knowing that your great-grandparents lived and died without ever seeing such a sight... THAT is euphoric.
5) When you are called out, deal with it.
No one likes to be picked on. We get it. But right now, you're going to be the target for a lot of people's ire, since you're the ones whose team is on top, and the beneficiaries of an incredibly screwed up feudal system in which it's quite obvious that 1/3 of the teams will never have a legitimate chance to become playoff contenders for consecutive seasons.
So when someone calls you out, don't try to point fingers at other organizations, and point out faults in their fans. No matter what it is, I can assure you that the Yankees (and Yankee fans) are worse. Whether it's the pink-hat bandwagon fans or generally obnoxious douchebags... the Yankees have the market cornered. Yeah, I realize my Red Sox, for example, also have their share of both. As does every team in baseball, whether they're the Phillies, Cubs, Rays or even perennial cellar-dwellers like the Pirates. Idiotic fans are everywhere... but nowhere are they as prevalent as they are among the Yankees fan base. So just know that and understand that, before you start pointing fingers elsewhere.
Like I said before, congrats to the Yankees on another job well done, and I hope that some people learned a thing or two after reading this. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled program, and enjoy your day.