In a move that reeks of desperation and blatant over-compensation, the New York Yankees have created a new fan club called the Yankee Universe. The club hopes that by staking claim to everything that physically exists, they have trumped those nettlesome citizens of Red Sox Nation. No matter how big, no matter how many World Series won this decade, no matter how obnoxious and self-entitled, Red Sox Nation will always be smaller than and subordinate to Yankees Universe. Fictional spokesman for the Yankee Universe, Merle Eubanks, explains, "We were tired of seeing these nations all over the place: Red Sox Nation; Raiders Nation; Canucks Nation. So we decided to do one better. Nations are pretty big, right? So what's bigger? The planet? Yes. But what's bigger than that? The Solar System? Yes, but we are talking about the New York Yankees here. The greatest organization in the history of organizations. So we went with Universe. I mean, that's it right? What's bigger than that? Nothing, that's what."
How will Red Sox Nation respond? Will they create some kind of anti-Yankees Universe that would shatter the space time continuum should it ever touch Yankees Universe? Apparantly not. Fictional Red Sox spokesman Mark "Sully" Sorrento, said simply of the Yankees Universe, "That's retahded."
While the spokesmen cited in this article were entirely fictional, Yankees Universe is not. They have their very own Yankees Universe page on mlb.com.
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