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what do you do if your mom wont let you be with the one you love? (Edited 08/17/10 09:24PM by Helen)
I need help, my mom wont let me see or talk to my boyfiriend and i love him...so what do i do?
| Closed on 08/17/10 at 05:00PM
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129.41. what do you do if your mom wont let you be with the one you love?

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#3 | 1628 days ago

Trust your Mom, she knows what she's talking about!    He won't be the last, trust me honey.
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#1 | 1628 days ago

Ask what her mom said to her when she married your dad.
#2 | 1628 days ago
rileyjames47 (+)

 Hard to go on such little info., but first off you have to wonder why she won't let you be with him. You may love him, but is he a bad person? Been arrested or in trouble with the law? School problems? I am not saying he is, but there should be a reason and when you are in love with someone you oftentimes don't see the bad qualities hence the phrase "Love Is Blind". She may be trying to protect you. If those problems are not there you might wish try and have a sit-down conversation with your Mom and your boyfriend to try and understand the issue if he is really a good guy. Mothers can be over protective and sometimes need reassurance of their daughters romantic partners. How do his parents like you? Perhaps you can have his mom talk to your mom to get a better understanding of your feelings and his feelings for you assuming he feels the same way about you. If he does not feel about you the same way maybe you should think about it more and give it time. It is easy to get fooled so don't act to hastily and come up with a plan and make sure your feelings are shared.
#3 | 1628 days ago

Trust your Mom, she knows what she's talking about!    He won't be the last, trust me honey.
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#4 | 1628 days ago

Love and respect your mom's wishes. always keep those lines of communication open. Believe it or not mom's seem to have the best instincts. We do not think so when we are young, but when you get older you will look back and think wow she really knew what she was talking about. I am blessed to still have my mother, while others wish they could still get advice from their mom. Good luck hang in there.
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#5 | 1628 days ago

Your mom loves you more than anyone. She will love you when no one else will. A year from now you will be able to find her, I don't know so much about the boy friend. Be smart, you are young and you have your whole life in front of you, enjoy it and take your time.
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#6 | 1628 days ago

If you are not old enough to move out and support yourself then chances are you are not old enough to make decisions based on the whole person and not the person you see through rose colored glasses.  Try having a grown up conversation with your mom and ask her to tell you why she does not want you to be with this person.  Remember it needs to be a grown up conversation not one consisting of whining, anger, or sarcasm.  Chances are she is right either because you are to young for this kind of relationship or he is not appropriate for you.
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#7 | 1627 days ago

Has she given you reasons why? They probably make sense, but you're so emotionally involved that you can't see it.
514  
#8 | 1627 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

If you cant be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with!
#9 | 1627 days ago

Listen to mom.
11  
#10 | 1627 days ago

Just don't go after your 'Desires', listen to Mom, she has seen more seasons than you,
And "Mom" knows what best her child 'Deserves'.
286  
#11 | 1627 days ago

 At, 17, you have to have some more time to judge and decide for yourself, Mom is your best friend in need, wait for some more months, you may see the light at the end of the tunnel..........................! 
But if you are in such a hurry, be ready for more of miseries to write about.MOM knows what is good for you now.
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#12 | 1627 days ago

Why are you asking a bunch of strangers this? 
You need to sit down and have a talk with your mother, and ask her why she doesn't want you to communicate with this boy.  She is the MOST TRUSTING SOURCE in your life (if your father is there, so is he) and you need to understand why she's guiding you this way...
Then, you explain why you are mature enough to deal with this person, and give her feedback so she knows your mind state of your "relationship"...don't ask us. 

We are just voices in typed boxes...talk to your parents 
1  
#13 | 1627 days ago

You know maybe your mom just doesn't want you being so into a guy at your age. Maybe shes just wanting you to enjoy being 17 you only get that once. So many young people think they have found the one and to soon get married and don't experience life. And yes some do and stay together forever I know this. But the world is truly at your fingertips right now, and sometimes that chance never comes back to you. So talk to her and LISTEN to her because I promise you she was 17 once too.
#14 | 1627 days ago

It takes a fool to learn that love dont love nobody.

Believe me, it feels like love right now, but a few years from now probably with a totally different person, you will feel something much deeper, much stronger, much different from what you feel right now,  and that will be actual love. The love you feel now is more than likely puppy love (attraction + excitement). It will go away. Listen to your mom.
#15 | 1627 days ago

rileyjames47 wrote:
 Hard to go on such little info., but first off you have to wonder why she won't let you be with him. You may love him, but is he a bad person? Been arrested or in trouble with the law? School problems? I am not saying he is, but there should be a reason and when you are in love with someone you oftentimes don't see the bad qualities hence the phrase "Love Is Blind". She may be trying to protect you. If those problems are not there you might wish try and have a sit-down conversation with your Mom and your boyfriend to try and understand the issue if he is really a good guy. Mothers can be over protective and sometimes need reassurance of their daughters romantic partners. How do his parents like you? Perhaps you can have his mom talk to your mom to get a better understanding of your feelings and his feelings for you assuming he feels the same way about you. If he does not feel about you the same way maybe you should think about it more and give it time. It is easy to get fooled so don't act to hastily and come up with a plan and make sure your feelings are shared.
my mom has always been over strict and i know its cause she loves me but when she said i cant see him any more. My mom is not really the type to sit down and talk i have tried but she just tells me she knows best....and no he has not been in any trouble he is a great guy the only thing is that he is older then me by three years and we had dated before to but this time its something real...
#16 | 1627 days ago

marcus_nyce wrote:
Has she given you reasons why? They probably make sense, but you're so emotionally involved that you can't see it.

no all she said was that i can no longer see him that i am not allowed to leave the house without someone else....i asked her why but she just tells me that  as long as i live under her house i do as she says

#17 | 1627 days ago

jhangianideepak wrote:
Just don't go after your 'Desires', listen to Mom, she has seen more seasons than you,
And "Mom" knows what best her child 'Deserves'.
It more then desires i feel for him...when i am with him i feel as if nothing can go wrong like i am supposed be there with him and i can actually be my self around him  unlike my mom he understands me...dont get me wrong i love her very much she has done so much for me...she addopted me...but i truley think she is wrong on this one...and even if she thinks it wont end up a happy ending i think she should give me the choice of making that desicon on my own.
#18 | 1627 days ago

when i was in high school i thought i was in love about a dozen times 
#19 | 1627 days ago
jacobmrley (+)

If your mom is involved, you are way way too young to decide you are in love.
#20 | 1627 days ago

DeeRigga wrote:
Why are you asking a bunch of strangers this? 
You need to sit down and have a talk with your mother, and ask her why she doesn't want you to communicate with this boy.  She is the MOST TRUSTING SOURCE in your life (if your father is there, so is he) and you need to understand why she's guiding you this way...
Then, you explain why you are mature enough to deal with this person, and give her feedback so she knows your mind state of your "relationship"...don't ask us. 

We are just voices in typed boxes...talk to your parents 
Thats the thing she wont talk to me about it everytime i try she turns me down. I am at a lost on what i should do.
#21 | 1627 days ago

BigBasin1977 wrote:
If you are not old enough to move out and support yourself then chances are you are not old enough to make decisions based on the whole person and not the person you see through rose colored glasses.  Try having a grown up conversation with your mom and ask her to tell you why she does not want you to be with this person.  Remember it needs to be a grown up conversation not one consisting of whining, anger, or sarcasm.  Chances are she is right either because you are to young for this kind of relationship or he is not appropriate for you.
I know i am young and trust me we are taking things really slow...and i tried talking to my mom about it she just turns me down everytime i try
#22 | 1627 days ago

Parents should always talk with their children and try to explain their decisions. Nothing wrong with romance. She is probley afraid that you will have sex and nothing wtrong with that as long as you are smart about it.
#23 | 1627 days ago

cubsgirl wrote:
You know maybe your mom just doesn't want you being so into a guy at your age. Maybe shes just wanting you to enjoy being 17 you only get that once. So many young people think they have found the one and to soon get married and don't experience life. And yes some do and stay together forever I know this. But the world is truly at your fingertips right now, and sometimes that chance never comes back to you. So talk to her and LISTEN to her because I promise you she was 17 once too.
I know this and him and i have talked about it to...i told him that i have plans after high school that i am going to join the air force. In fact he was the one to really make me excited about it. we will not get married until i am truely ready to and that i have made some of my goals of goin through college and the air force
#24 | 1627 days ago

jvuk1 wrote:
Parents should always talk with their children and try to explain their decisions. Nothing wrong with romance. She is probley afraid that you will have sex and nothing wtrong with that as long as you are smart about it.
She just dont like me making any choices on my own and i have put up with this cause i know she is trying to do whats best for me even if i dont agree but i am almost 18 and i now no that after high school ill be making my own choices that my mom wont always be there for me and i tried to let her know i need to go through with this that what i feel for him is something she cant take away...
#25 | 1627 days ago

Cowgirl200 wrote:
Thats the thing she wont talk to me about it everytime i try she turns me down. I am at a lost on what i should do.
You and mom really need to sit down and talk...Take this from a father of a young teenager - you do not want to have this become a big issue, because you will both do and say things that later you'll regret.  If she won't listen, find an aunt or another family member to help facilitate a conversation.  She may be looking out for your betterment, but it's easier for you to understand if you hear it from the source.  For now, follow her wishes, but also continue to try and get her to say what she feels...

Try not to overreact... 
1  
#26 | 1627 days ago

thanks for the advice ill try it out tonight......but i really want to see him again i have never done anything to make my mom mis trust me...why cant she show a little faith in me now?

ill try not to
#27 | 1627 days ago

Get a rubber chicken
#28 | 1627 days ago

WV_Mountaineer wrote:
Get a rubber chicken
Thanks i will so do that
#29 | 1627 days ago

Cowgirl200 wrote:
my mom has always been over strict and i know its cause she loves me but when she said i cant see him any more. My mom is not really the type to sit down and talk i have tried but she just tells me she knows best....and no he has not been in any trouble he is a great guy the only thing is that he is older then me by three years and we had dated before to but this time its something real...
Sorry, speaking from  Father's perspective here, so keep that in mind (he'd be dead if you were my daughter, no if's and's or but's about that)...

If it's something real, then it can and will be real when you are responsible enough to live and take care of yourself on your own.
#30 | 1627 days ago

Pick out someone a lot worse and then she will be relieved with your current choice.
#31 | 1627 days ago

There's nothing wrong being in love but at your age I believe you have to sit and talk with your mom since she knows what's best for you as her daughter.   Maybe she just wanted you to be carefree and enjoy your youthful life and finish your education first before making any commitment.  You know the saying "Mother Knows What's Best for her Children".
#32 | 1627 days ago

dipstick wrote:
Sorry, speaking from  Father's perspective here, so keep that in mind (he'd be dead if you were my daughter, no if's and's or but's about that)...

If it's something real, then it can and will be real when you are responsible enough to live and take care of yourself on your own.
did u date when you were in ur teens?
#33 | 1627 days ago

Cowgirl200 wrote:
did u date when you were in ur teens?
Yes, I did.  Not with someone 3 years older than me though.  13 years later she is still my best friend, the love was real then and it is now.

I still think if it's as "real" as you say, it'd still be there too if you waited until you can handle real LIFE.
#34 | 1627 days ago

dipstick wrote:
Yes, I did.  Not with someone 3 years older than me though.  13 years later she is still my best friend, the love was real then and it is now.

I still think if it's as "real" as you say, it'd still be there too if you waited until you can handle real LIFE.
i can handle life....or at least my mom needs to let me try... age is but a number
#35 | 1627 days ago

maybe but dont you let your daughter make choice. i am going to be so lost when i am put out in the big world cause my mom wouldnt let me make a choice...i was never given the chance to experance things
#36 | 1627 days ago

Cowgirl200 wrote:
i can handle life....or at least my mom needs to let me try... age is but a number
Your Mom may need to let you try, if she is so strict with things.

I don't think boyfriends are the first thing to give a little leeway with.  There are a lot of things I can think of that you should have some slack with before even thinking about boyfriends.
#37 | 1627 days ago

dipstick wrote:
Your Mom may need to let you try, if she is so strict with things.

I don't think boyfriends are the first thing to give a little leeway with.  There are a lot of things I can think of that you should have some slack with before even thinking about boyfriends.
yes i know i mean did she really have to make it so that there is no possible way for me to see him? id let her set the terms as long as i could spend some time with him
#38 | 1627 days ago

(Edited by dipstick)
Cowgirl200 wrote:
yes i know i mean did she really have to make it so that there is no possible way for me to see him? id let her set the terms as long as i could spend some time with him

Considering I do not know everything in the situation (I'm assuming not hearing about "Dad" yet plays a HUGE role into why your Mom may be overly strict with boyfrieds), I still have to lean towards minimizing your time with him.

I do applaud your understanding of her stance and attempting to make a compromise, it does show a level of maturity I doubt most 17 year olds have.

Also, I'm on the side of when most parents answer with "because I know what's best", usually means, they don't.  I am a believer in if you have to use that as an answer, you obviously don't have a leg to stand on.  I explain everything to my daughter in regards to when she has to ask "why?", and never once have I had to use the "because I know what's best" card yet.

#39 | 1626 days ago

dipstick wrote:

Considering I do not know everything in the situation (I'm assuming not hearing about "Dad" yet plays a HUGE role into why your Mom may be overly strict with boyfrieds), I still have to lean towards minimizing your time with him.

I do applaud your understanding of her stance and attempting to make a compromise, it does show a level of maturity I doubt most 17 year olds have.

Also, I'm on the side of when most parents answer with "because I know what's best", usually means, they don't.  I am a believer in if you have to use that as an answer, you obviously don't have a leg to stand on.  I explain everything to my daughter in regards to when she has to ask "why?", and never once have I had to use the "because I know what's best" card yet.

i dont have a dad...but she is dating... see i can take the minimizing time with him but i do wish she would let me see him

thanks
#40 | 1625 days ago

Cowgirl200 wrote:
i dont have a dad...but she is dating... see i can take the minimizing time with him but i do wish she would let me see him

thanks
Then perhaps you need to give your Mom some time to adjust, maybe she needs to do a little growing up herself.  Maybe tell her that you really do care about your boyfriend a lot but you understand her stance as your Mother, and ask her if you do as she wishes (not see your boyfriend) for a few weeks or a month and everything else you've said stays the same (you wanting to be with him, your Mom still not wanting you to see him) you two can work out some kind of compromise.

Disclaimer:  Again, without knowing all details I can only paint with a broad brush.
#41 | 1625 days ago

My mom doesn't like my wife. Now we have been together for 10 years. You never know where love will take you. You are still young be careful with your decisions.
#42 | 1597 days ago

WHEN I HAVE 15 YEARS, I THINK I WAS IN LOVE OF A BOY, MY MOM SAID.- DONT SEE THIS BOY FOR A WEEK, AND DONT GO OUT OF THE HOUSE, THINK, MY BABY, IF YOU ARE REALLY IN LOVE , IF YOU SAID ME YES BEFORE A WEEK, YOU CAN MEET HIM,- I THINK, AND THINK, AND IN THE DAY 5, I KNEW THAT ALL WAS A LITTLE LOVE STORY, NEVER SEE THIS BOY AGAIN, BUT FOR MY OWN , MY MOM ONLY SMILE .- HIS DAUGTHER LEARN A LESSON OF LIFE.-FOR EVER
68  
#43 | 1597 days ago

dipstick wrote:
Then perhaps you need to give your Mom some time to adjust, maybe she needs to do a little growing up herself.  Maybe tell her that you really do care about your boyfriend a lot but you understand her stance as your Mother, and ask her if you do as she wishes (not see your boyfriend) for a few weeks or a month and everything else you've said stays the same (you wanting to be with him, your Mom still not wanting you to see him) you two can work out some kind of compromise.

Disclaimer:  Again, without knowing all details I can only paint with a broad brush.
thanks for your help....she and him sat down and talked about it...she said that she likes him and even invited him to have lunch with us...
#44 | 1597 days ago

All i can say here is Being Single has its benefits too. 
0  
#45 | 1588 days ago

Cowgirl200 wrote:
thanks for your help....she and him sat down and talked about it...she said that she likes him and even invited him to have lunch with us...
I'm glad you got things worked out!  Hopefully both you and your mom are better for it.

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