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To the guy who mugged me and my girlfriend on Monday night (Edited 10/05/10 11:32PM by Jess)
Read the Article: To the guy who mugged me and my girlfriend on Monday night - 32 (Miami)

From Craigslist.com:

To the Thug Latino Guy With the Dumb Looking Mustache Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Miami night before last:

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants.. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your "Mami" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vagabond, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. The phone company just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life and the kind of crap that you put other people through every day.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes a civil society!
| Closed on 10/05/10 at 11:45PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room, People | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll
43 Fans 
 1. Best Craigslist post ever? (0 points)
35%a. haahahahahhahaahahahaahha
37%b. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"
0%c. That guy is a prick
5%d. This does not amuse me
5%e. Smart guy
19%f. Other
 2. Real? (0 points)
5%a. Definetely real
7%b. Could be real
40%c. I HOPE it's real...
16%d. Probably fake
23%e. Definetely fake
9%f. Dunno

  
27 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1633 days ago

Would've thought real all up until the DA and FBI calls. The Obama was just for forced laughter if what was above wasn't good enough.

Still funny overall though.
1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. Definetely fake  
#2 | 1633 days ago
knpaulson (+)

...don't bring a knife to a gun fight!
1. haahahahahhahaahahahaahha  2. Definetely real  
#3 | 1633 days ago

Too bad it's probably fake, but this was just epic.
1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#4 | 1633 days ago

I loved the part about effing up the pimp mobile and throwing the wallet inside! LMAO!
1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#5 | 1633 days ago

Chief_aka_James wrote:
Would've thought real all up until the DA and FBI calls. The Obama was just for forced laughter if what was above wasn't good enough.

Still funny overall though.
Yeah that's what threw me off too. I can't see him doing that, especially because they can trace the cell phone to his location, and if they found out he had the phone he would be in a world of s**t. And this guy sounds too smart to do something like that
1. haahahahahhahaahahahaahha  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#6 | 1633 days ago

 If this is true, this could be the funniest damn thing I've ever read.
#7 | 1633 days ago

I doubt the money he was throwing around was the mugger's to begin with, it's obvious where it came from.
#8 | 1633 days ago

Fake, but something I would have done for sure.
1. Other  2. Definetely fake  
#9 | 1633 days ago
Anthonyg7575 (+)

Pretty funny, I highly doubt it is true...
1. haahahahahhahaahahahaahha  2. Definetely fake  
#10 | 1633 days ago

Too much details .. imaginary actions lol if it were to be real I be really laugh at it still lol
#11 | 1633 days ago

Great story, it would be even better if it were true.
1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#12 | 1633 days ago

A true American.   lol
1. Smart guy  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#13 | 1633 days ago
kammi42 (+)

Funny but also scarey to think you could be mugged...doesnt happen here.
#14 | 1632 days ago

Almost everything on craigslist is B/S 
1. Other  2. Definetely fake  
#15 | 1632 days ago

#16 | 1627 days ago

CCW for the win

1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#17 | 1627 days ago

now this is something that I would do!!!!!!
1. haahahahahhahaahahahaahha  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#18 | 1622 days ago

Funny although not real, but  for those of you who thought it was real please buy my swamp land so I can buy a nice summer home. P.S. Will work when you quit putting money in my cup.
1. Other  2. Definetely fake  
#19 | 1622 days ago

This is great.  Especially the last line "an armed society makes a civil society"
#20 | 1622 days ago
AndiLee0388 (+)

Quite possibly the funniest , poetic justice article I have ever read. If i isn't true, it damn sure ought to be!
1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. I HOPE it's real...  
#21 | 1622 days ago
18packabs (+)

Is Burberry a hybrid fruit??
1. Other  2. Dunno  
#22 | 1622 days ago

I only WISH it were true - woulda made MY day

1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. Probably fake  
#23 | 1621 days ago
ChristiSunshine (+)

 I laughed my ass off the first time i read this.
#24 | 1599 days ago

Just Another Day In The Neighborhood...
1. I believe the word used to describe a situation like this is "owned"  2. Probably fake  
#25 | 1546 days ago

Dream_Machine wrote:
Just Another Day In The Neighborhood...
Yeah, SO true LOL  
#26 | 1546 days ago

marcus_nyce wrote:
I loved the part about effing up the pimp mobile and throwing the wallet inside! LMAO!
Funny LOL  and I know for sure its' a Fake  
#27 | 1546 days ago

 This sounds to me more like a guy who was mugged and then this is what he dreamed he would have done the next day.

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