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Joke of the Day -- 01/29/2010
 Joke of the Day -- 01/29/2010 Photo
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36.6111. Joke of the Day -- 01/29/2010

 &nbp;
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#1 | 1664 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says

"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"

The man then pulls his arms out through his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"

  
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#1 | 1664 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says

"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"

The man then pulls his arms out through his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"

#2 | 1664 days ago

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask "Which period did this come from?"
#3 | 1664 days ago

WOW
15  
#4 | 1664 days ago

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
#5 | 1664 days ago

(Edited by raja_starkglass)
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care"
2  Som, is it enema for indigestion and lack of bowel movement, that makes up for this feed forced from nether mouth...................!!!!.
59  
#6 | 1664 days ago
Cherrie (+)

Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?

A: They take the psycho path.
#7 | 1664 days ago

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
> when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
> 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
> 2. An old friend who once saved your life.
> 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
>
> Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
> could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue
> reading.
> This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part
> of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is
> going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take
> the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be
> the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able
> to find your perfect mate again.
> YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS...................
> The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
> coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car
> keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
> would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'
>
> Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
> thought limitations.
>
> Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'
>
> HOWEVER....,
> The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery,
    have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car,
    then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
> God, I just love happy endings!

Note: Well The above Correct written answer is not my thinking, I will never do that. This is just a joke i found it from somewhere to share with you guys.
5  
#8 | 1664 days ago
JRSFLAME88 (+)

Now that's funny! LOL 
68  
#9 | 1664 days ago
Cherrie (+)

(Edited by Cherrie)
'
#10 | 1664 days ago

Day 983 of my captivity...

     My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

     Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

     The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

     Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

     There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

     Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

     I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

     The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ..
#11 | 1664 days ago

Atlanta Airport

You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in the South. Some of you will enjoy this more than others.... Southerners can be so polite!

Overheard at Hartsfield International. 

 

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."

Pause...

Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"

Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511.."

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."

Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts.. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- "

7  
#12 | 1663 days ago

That was cool man.
If the Zipp of the pant is open, we say, Man your Postoffice is open.
Now I came to know about the letter box sending letters to the Postoffice.

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