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Why Can't I Own A Canadian
I spend way too much time perusing the web for stupid stuff to share.  I found this today, and even though it appears to be a few years old...it struck my funny bone.  Here ya go, tell me what you think.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

| Closed on 03/06/10 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room, Relationships | Numeric Input Opinion Poll
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Question
72.7831. Why Can't I Own A Canadian

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#18 | 1723 days ago

If you're gonna own Canadians, go for French Canadians. The men are great goalies and the women are "Ooh-la-la!" I'd stay away from purchasing in the Maritimes, they have a "squeal like a pig" vibe to them and they talk like Brad Pitt in Snatch. I swear to Gaahd, they all sound like pikeys. ( Boose, I kid, I kid...)
514  
  
41 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1724 days ago
NMboyzfan (+)

when I burn a bull on the altar in my backyard, the neighbors bitch because I'm making them hungry!
13  
#2 | 1724 days ago
kammi42 (+)

There is hypocrisy in everything
#3 | 1724 days ago
cubsgirl2 (+)

 Way to go Mike! you just pissed off Pat Robertson, now when we get an Earthquake that kills 100,000 of us it will be all your fault. 

I loved this by the way I am so glad I still had a respect to give you.
8  
#4 | 1724 days ago

SH*T!!! that was so good, when i got to the part that said End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: ...I stopped and turned the TV all the way down so i could focus! LOL.. that is awesome and the type of sh*t i would do. Ashlie approves. as do homosexuals, farmers, people who like pork and/or cotton/polyester blend, Mexicans, and Canadians.

good call mike, you crazy bas-tard! Bravo!
87  
#5 | 1724 days ago

kammi42 wrote:
There is hypocrisy in everything
especially religion.
87  
#6 | 1724 days ago
cubsgirl2 (+)

kobe_lova wrote:
especially religion.
 Amen
8  
#7 | 1724 days ago

Those laws were written for a certain people in a certain time frame.  Jesus came and fulfilled the LAW.  He summed it up like this to love your neighbor as yourself and do unto others as you  would have them do unto you.   The New Testament  does say the same thing as the Old about homosexuals, just not the death part.  It is an abomination unto God as it is unto most people.
11  
#8 | 1724 days ago

That was funny !!
#9 | 1724 days ago

CRAZY SH%T THERE
69  
#10 | 1724 days ago

Moral of the story: Dr. Laura is a nutcase.
69  
#11 | 1724 days ago
cubsgirl2 (+)

cuddles127017 wrote:
Those laws were written for a certain people in a certain time frame.  Jesus came and fulfilled the LAW.  He summed it up like this to love your neighbor as yourself and do unto others as you  would have them do unto you.   The New Testament  does say the same thing as the Old about homosexuals, just not the death part.  It is an abomination unto God as it is unto most people.
 well I don't think most people anymore, thank God.
8  
#12 | 1724 days ago

Dr. Laura is crazy with a capital C. The fact that she has followers is scary.
13  
#13 | 1724 days ago
18packabs (+)

There is only one Canadian that I would want to own, and she knows who she is......
1  
#14 | 1724 days ago

18packabs wrote:
There is only one Canadian that I would want to own, and she knows who she is......

Me!!! Me!!!! Pick ME!!!!!!! 

 

#15 | 1724 days ago
18packabs (+)

Debi_L wrote:

Me!!! Me!!!! Pick ME!!!!!!! 

 

Was there ever any doubt???
1  
#16 | 1724 days ago

18packabs wrote:
Was there ever any doubt???
 Not for me, I love my chocolate dude!
#17 | 1724 days ago
18packabs (+)

Debi_L wrote:
 Not for me, I love my chocolate dude!
The feeling is Mutual, Lovely Young Lady.
1  
#18 | 1723 days ago

If you're gonna own Canadians, go for French Canadians. The men are great goalies and the women are "Ooh-la-la!" I'd stay away from purchasing in the Maritimes, they have a "squeal like a pig" vibe to them and they talk like Brad Pitt in Snatch. I swear to Gaahd, they all sound like pikeys. ( Boose, I kid, I kid...)
514  
#19 | 1723 days ago
vindog (+)

More PROOF that the Bible is nothing more than a best selling Book of FICTION!  To each their own though, as we all have our own beliefs....
77  
#20 | 1723 days ago
vindog (+)

cuddles127017 wrote:
Those laws were written for a certain people in a certain time frame.  Jesus came and fulfilled the LAW.  He summed it up like this to love your neighbor as yourself and do unto others as you  would have them do unto you.   The New Testament  does say the same thing as the Old about homosexuals, just not the death part.  It is an abomination unto God as it is unto most people.
Could you please give me the Scripture Reference in the New Testament where it says that homosexuals are an abomination? Maybe I am wrong (or just missed it), but I don't remember ever seeing that in the New Testament....   It does call it "perversions", but it doesn't call it an abomination of God.... At least to my knowledge!
77  
#21 | 1723 days ago

As usual, law is a matter of interpretation. People understand and believe what is best for their own interests.
#22 | 1723 days ago

marcus_nyce wrote:
If you're gonna own Canadians, go for French Canadians. The men are great goalies and the women are "Ooh-la-la!" I'd stay away from purchasing in the Maritimes, they have a "squeal like a pig" vibe to them and they talk like Brad Pitt in Snatch. I swear to Gaahd, they all sound like pikeys. ( Boose, I kid, I kid...)
You've just won a...RESPECT from me, which i probably shouldnt give you considering the popup that appears EVERY single time i log on telling me that i only have 10, choose wisely, but screw that, you made a Snatch reference. Bon Travail!
87  
#23 | 1723 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
You've just won a...RESPECT from me, which i probably shouldnt give you considering the popup that appears EVERY single time i log on telling me that i only have 10, choose wisely, but screw that, you made a Snatch reference. Bon Travail!
I throw those respects around like they're going out of style. I'm usually done 10 mins after I log on. LOL, it's like I'm drunk. Boom, you just got one!
514  
#24 | 1721 days ago

The trouble is owning too many Mexicans just inflates the price of the Canadians...


#25 | 1716 days ago

Poli_ wrote:
The trouble is owning too many Mexicans just inflates the price of the Canadians...


not on pre-owned ones. re-sale value sucks.
69  
#26 | 1716 days ago
NMboyzfan (+)

WISAC1 wrote:
not on pre-owned ones. re-sale value sucks.
F'n NAFTA!
13  
#27 | 1716 days ago

vindog wrote:
Could you please give me the Scripture Reference in the New Testament where it says that homosexuals are an abomination? Maybe I am wrong (or just missed it), but I don't remember ever seeing that in the New Testament....   It does call it "perversions", but it doesn't call it an abomination of God.... At least to my knowledge!

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

 

 9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,

 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

--  It doesn't use the actual word 'abomination', but it is unrighteous according to this passage in the New Testament.  I'm just answering your question here.

1  
#28 | 1716 days ago
vindog (+)

qtowndogg wrote:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

 

 9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,

 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

--  It doesn't use the actual word 'abomination', but it is unrighteous according to this passage in the New Testament.  I'm just answering your question here.

Gotcha, thats the passage that I thought she was referring to.... It's actually the ONLY passage in the New Testament that even mentions Homosexuals (I believe)!    Funny even more is that alot of "Religious Right" people will condemn homosexuals, but fail to say one bad word towards fornicators, adulterers, theives, swindlers, drunkards, covetus(whatever that is), revilers, or idolators.....   HMMMMMM        LOL   You actually just proved my point on the Hypocrisy of Religion.    God Hates Fags, but everybody else is o.K.!  LOL
77  
#29 | 1716 days ago
NMboyzfan (+)

Man, I am in T R O U B L E!!!!!
13  
#30 | 1716 days ago

vindog wrote:
Gotcha, thats the passage that I thought she was referring to.... It's actually the ONLY passage in the New Testament that even mentions Homosexuals (I believe)!    Funny even more is that alot of "Religious Right" people will condemn homosexuals, but fail to say one bad word towards fornicators, adulterers, theives, swindlers, drunkards, covetus(whatever that is), revilers, or idolators.....   HMMMMMM        LOL   You actually just proved my point on the Hypocrisy of Religion.    God Hates Fags, but everybody else is o.K.!  LOL
word vindog.
jews dont recognize jesus as the messiah
protestants dont reconize the pop as the christian leader
and
fundies don't recognize each other at the liqour store
0  
#31 | 1716 days ago
NMboyzfan (+)

Big_Country78 wrote:
word vindog.
jews dont recognize jesus as the messiah
protestants dont reconize the pop as the christian leader
and
fundies don't recognize each other at the liqour store
13  
#32 | 1716 days ago
NMboyzfan (+)

13  
#33 | 1716 days ago

vindog wrote:
Gotcha, thats the passage that I thought she was referring to.... It's actually the ONLY passage in the New Testament that even mentions Homosexuals (I believe)!    Funny even more is that alot of "Religious Right" people will condemn homosexuals, but fail to say one bad word towards fornicators, adulterers, theives, swindlers, drunkards, covetus(whatever that is), revilers, or idolators.....   HMMMMMM        LOL   You actually just proved my point on the Hypocrisy of Religion.    God Hates Fags, but everybody else is o.K.!  LOL
God doesn't hate anyone. He just hates sin. And to God, no one sin is worse than another sin. All sin is equally offensive to God.
1  
#34 | 1716 days ago

vindog wrote:
Gotcha, thats the passage that I thought she was referring to.... It's actually the ONLY passage in the New Testament that even mentions Homosexuals (I believe)!    Funny even more is that alot of "Religious Right" people will condemn homosexuals, but fail to say one bad word towards fornicators, adulterers, theives, swindlers, drunkards, covetus(whatever that is), revilers, or idolators.....   HMMMMMM        LOL   You actually just proved my point on the Hypocrisy of Religion.    God Hates Fags, but everybody else is o.K.!  LOL
And there is hypocrisy in anything in life -- not just religion.
1  
#35 | 1716 days ago
vindog (+)

qtowndogg wrote:
God doesn't hate anyone. He just hates sin. And to God, no one sin is worse than another sin. All sin is equally offensive to God.
And God actually told you this?  Or did a BOOK tell you this?
77  
#36 | 1716 days ago

I remember one time at band camp I own3d a Canadian....
#37 | 1716 days ago

vindog wrote:
And God actually told you this?  Or did a BOOK tell you this?
Yes.
1  
#38 | 1715 days ago
jasonwrites (+)

qtowndogg wrote:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

 

 9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,

 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

--  It doesn't use the actual word 'abomination', but it is unrighteous according to this passage in the New Testament.  I'm just answering your question here.

 The problem with the ultimate authority of this passage is that these words are attributed to the apostle Paul, a mere mortal, and not to Jesus Christ Himself. In all four Gospels, Jesus speaks nary a word about homosexuality.

Obviously, Christians don't (or shouldn't) follow Leviticus, or the Old Testament in general, as the basis of morality-- else you have exactly these problems. And the writer didn't even mention the bit where if a woman is raped, she either has to marry the rapist or be stoned to death!
42  
#39 | 1713 days ago

jasonwrites wrote:
 The problem with the ultimate authority of this passage is that these words are attributed to the apostle Paul, a mere mortal, and not to Jesus Christ Himself. In all four Gospels, Jesus speaks nary a word about homosexuality.

Obviously, Christians don't (or shouldn't) follow Leviticus, or the Old Testament in general, as the basis of morality-- else you have exactly these problems. And the writer didn't even mention the bit where if a woman is raped, she either has to marry the rapist or be stoned to death!

2 Timothy 3:16 (King James Version)

 

 16All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

1  
#40 | 1709 days ago

If I could own Sidney Crosby i'd be set financially, If I owned Pamela Anderson, hmmmmm
123  
#41 | 1706 days ago

derms33 wrote:
If I could own Sidney Crosby i'd be set financially, If I owned Pamela Anderson, hmmmmm
Pamela = Screwed
311  

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