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Joke of the Day -- 02/21/2010
 Joke of the Day -- 02/21/2010 Photo
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41.6111. Joke of the Day -- 02/21/2010

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#4 | 1669 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

 After landing my new job as a Wal-mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a
day......
 
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with
her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
 through the entrance.
 
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to
Wal-mart.  ‘Nice children you
 have there. Are they twins?'
   
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they
ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other
one's 7. Why the hell would you
 think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
 
 So I replied,
 
 'I'm neither blind nor stupid,
 Ma’am; I just couldn't believe someone slept with you
 twice.

 ‘Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-mart.'
  
28 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1670 days ago

This was a good one, Edwards probably has no idea how many kids he fathered.
5  
#2 | 1669 days ago
Cherrie (+)

Waiting for little tiger cubs to pop up
#3 | 1669 days ago

That's the way the ball bounces. 
11  
#4 | 1669 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

 After landing my new job as a Wal-mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a
day......
 
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with
her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
 through the entrance.
 
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to
Wal-mart.  ‘Nice children you
 have there. Are they twins?'
   
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they
ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other
one's 7. Why the hell would you
 think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
 
 So I replied,
 
 'I'm neither blind nor stupid,
 Ma’am; I just couldn't believe someone slept with you
 twice.

 ‘Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-mart.'
#5 | 1669 days ago

Mr_Rogers wrote:
 After landing my new job as a Wal-mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a
day......
 
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with
her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
 through the entrance.
 
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to
Wal-mart.  ‘Nice children you
 have there. Are they twins?'
   
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they
ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other
one's 7. Why the hell would you
 think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
 
 So I replied,
 
 'I'm neither blind nor stupid,
 Ma’am; I just couldn't believe someone slept with you
 twice.

 ‘Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-mart.'
Hehe.  Funny cuz it's me in 40 years. 
#6 | 1669 days ago

I did not have sexual relations, oh that is another story!
0  
#7 | 1669 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

janet011685 wrote:
Hehe.  Funny cuz it's me in 40 years. 
LOL, you mean a loud, mean acting, unattractive woman?    
#8 | 1669 days ago

Mr_Rogers wrote:
LOL, you mean a loud, mean acting, unattractive woman?    
I WAS referring more to the sarcastic, witty greeter. 
But actually, the loud, mean-acting, unattractive woman might work too. 
#9 | 1669 days ago

janet011685 wrote:
I WAS referring more to the sarcastic, witty greeter. 
But actually, the loud, mean-acting, unattractive woman might work too. 
repsect cuz i am durnk off my ass san thats funny
#10 | 1669 days ago

Kenne wrote:
repsect cuz i am durnk off my ass san thats funny

  Awesomeness.

I am officially (and "repsect"fully) requesting that this man's post be considered for Kramer's next "FanIQ Who Said It" poll.

#11 | 1669 days ago

 oh, if Obama says no outsourcing, and if at all, the citizens take care of their progeny to extend education, skill sets to their progeny,not a single job need be outsourced, but heck, the new Y generation is on beer and f**ks, Licks and cl its, that they are no more responsible to their own children to give them skill sets to enable them compete and live life with dignity.
And the sad part is the young adult only see the irresponsible actions and learn more about being irresponsible, the job has to be got done, corporates then outsource it earning more profits, pay more taxes, system is happy but for occassional noise.
5  
#12 | 1669 days ago

Why do bagpippers walk as they play?
 To get away from the sound.
69  
#13 | 1669 days ago

Why does Illinois have the best~ run, cleanest prisons in the U.S.?
 Because Illinois politicians are afraid they 
 may end up in one of them. 
69  
#14 | 1669 days ago

(Edited by SickPuppy)

At some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE ' shorts   

SENIOR DRESS CODE   
 
Many of us ' Old Folks ' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering 
 near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. 

We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and 
 whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current 
 fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets,the 
 following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided: 
 
 1. A nose ring and bifocals 
 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 
 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 
 4. Miniskirts and support hose 
 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 
 6. Speedo's and cellulite 
 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 
 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 
 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 
 10. Bikinis and liver spots 
 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 
 12. Inline skates and a walker 
 
 And last , but not least 
  
 
 13. Thongs and Depends

 

69  
#15 | 1669 days ago

SickPuppy wrote:

At some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE ' shorts   

SENIOR DRESS CODE   
 
Many of us ' Old Folks ' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering 
 near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. 

We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and 
 whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current 
 fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets,the 
 following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided: 
 
 1. A nose ring and bifocals 
 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 
 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 
 4. Miniskirts and support hose 
 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 
 6. Speedo's and cellulite 
 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 
 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 
 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 
 10. Bikinis and liver spots 
 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 
 12. Inline skates and a walker 
 
 And last , but not least 
  
 
 13. Thongs and Depends

 

69  
#16 | 1669 days ago
Cherrie (+)

SickPuppy wrote:

At some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE ' shorts   

SENIOR DRESS CODE   
 
Many of us ' Old Folks ' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering 
 near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. 

We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and 
 whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current 
 fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets,the 
 following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided: 
 
 1. A nose ring and bifocals 
 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 
 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 
 4. Miniskirts and support hose 
 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 
 6. Speedo's and cellulite 
 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 
 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 
 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 
 10. Bikinis and liver spots 
 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 
 12. Inline skates and a walker 
 
 And last , but not least 
  
 
 13. Thongs and Depends

 

Wow that's just wrong
#17 | 1669 days ago

Cherrie wrote:
Wow that's just wrong
Sad part is -- I have a couple more pics that are even worse, but I don't think they'd be allowed ... even if they are, I can't stand to look at them long enough - even to delete
69  
#18 | 1669 days ago
18packabs (+)

if you look at the welfare system we all have fathered 16 kids.
57  
#19 | 1669 days ago
cubsgirl2 (+)

18packabs wrote:
if you look at the welfare system we all have fathered 16 kids.
 I have never fathered a child. 
8  
#20 | 1669 days ago
18packabs (+)

cubsgirl2 wrote:
 I have never fathered a child. 
No doubt but between Food and Healthcare you pay for a dozen.
57  
#21 | 1669 days ago
cubsgirl2 (+)

18packabs wrote:
No doubt but between Food and Healthcare you pay for a dozen.
 nope I live in Mo. it's at least 2 
8  
#22 | 1669 days ago

(Edited by hskrdave)
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a sh!t?
 
#23 | 1668 days ago

#24 | 1668 days ago
Cherrie (+)

polar bear
#25 | 1668 days ago
Bastyd (+)

Man,,,, I gotta lotta racist jokes, but I'd be hated forever if I told them,,,,,,,,so,,,,,,,,,
#26 | 1668 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

Bastyd wrote:
Man,,,, I gotta lotta racist jokes, but I'd be hated forever if I told them,,,,,,,,so,,,,,,,,,
I dont think it would matter.
#27 | 1668 days ago
Cherrie (+)

Bastyd wrote:
Man,,,, I gotta lotta racist jokes, but I'd be hated forever if I told them,,,,,,,,so,,,,,,,,,
#28 | 1668 days ago
Bastyd (+)

Mr_Rogers wrote:
I dont think it would matter.
Kingpin is one of my top 5. 

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