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Joke of the Day -- 03/09/2010
 Joke of the Day -- 03/09/2010 Photo
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48.7331. Joke of the Day -- 03/09/2010

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#1 | 1666 days ago

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So what do you think about that Doc?"


The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."


One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.


He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead....



Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
69  
  
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#1 | 1666 days ago

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So what do you think about that Doc?"


The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."


One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.


He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead....



Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
69  
#2 | 1666 days ago

& Law of Mechanical Repair 
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

&
 Law of Gravity 
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corne! r.


&
 Law of Random Numbers 
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

&
 Law of the Alibi 
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you ha d a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


&
 Variation Law 
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

&
 Law of the  Bath  
When the body is fully immers! ed in water, the telephone rings.


&
 Law of Close Encounters 
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


&
 Law of the Result 
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it! will.


&
 Law of Biomechanics 
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


&
 Law of the Theater 
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


&
 The Starbucks Law 
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask yo! u to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


&
 Murphy's Law of Lockers 
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

&
 Law of Physical Surfaces 
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on ! a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of th e carpet/rug.

&
 Law of Logical Argument 
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

&
 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance 
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

&
 Oliver's Law of Public Speaking 
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy&n! bsp;
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it..

&
 Doctors' Law 
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

 

& Law of Probability 
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

#3 | 1666 days ago

I have lived so long and gained so much knowledge that my head couldn't hold it all and it pushed down into my body and made me fat.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
11  
#4 | 1666 days ago

(Edited by phatkat)

FEMALE COMPASSION

The depth and breadth of it is truly amazing!)


A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.

He had no arms and no legs.

Three women were walking past and
 felt sorry for the poor

man.

The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'

The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'

The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been

f**ked?'

The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'

She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

#5 | 1666 days ago

A doctor's walking through a hospital when a nurse asks him to sign some papers...

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a rectal themometer...

He say's, 'damnit some a$$hole has my pen!"
#6 | 1666 days ago

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!


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