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Joke of the Day -- 03/22/2010
 Joke of the Day -- 03/22/2010  Photo


| Closed on 03/31/10 at 05:00PM
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55.5381. Joke of the Day -- 03/22/2010

 &nbp;
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#3 | 1653 days ago

 
  
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#1 | 1653 days ago

image001rz8.jpg
#2 | 1653 days ago



Smarta$$
22  
#3 | 1653 days ago

 
#4 | 1653 days ago

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.  He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.  Here's your equipment..... chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
 

The young blonde says, "I'll go first."  She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire b*dy for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life!" He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?!?!?"
 
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

69  
#5 | 1653 days ago

 
#6 | 1653 days ago

"Corporate Stupidity"

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

#7 | 1653 days ago

JenX63 wrote:
"Corporate Stupidity"

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

You can translate this into Political Stupidity too ... no special party, Politicians in general.
69  
#8 | 1653 days ago

(Edited by Smokesfan)

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

"Father," the boy asked, "what is this?

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained.

They stood together quietly for a moment, staring at the memorial plaque.

"Which service?" Davey asked. "The 9:00 or the 10:30?"

#9 | 1653 days ago

How to tell if a Catholic  is driving too fast :


#10 | 1653 days ago

Good ones today, Q'ers. 
11  
#11 | 1653 days ago

ohwell_ wrote:
How to tell if a Catholic  is driving too fast :


HOW?  did he/she pass 69?  They fly over speed bumps?   Does it have something to do with alter boys?  C'mon -- tell me   PLEASE
69  
#12 | 1653 days ago

I can't help it -- these crack me up



He is wearing… a trash bag… as a skirt. I can’t even fathom a reason why! – “Well maybe it was some sort of an emergency.” Who knows what he is going to use the Tupperware for. 
Oklahoma 
69  
#13 | 1653 days ago
(+)

ohwell_ wrote:
How to tell if a Catholic  is driving too fast :


i think it may have something to do with the rosary

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