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Joke of the Day -- 03/31/2010
 Joke of the Day -- 03/31/2010  Photo

The Real Chat -

Tail Man - I am winning ..HAHAHA
WingMan - I am letting you so....
TailMan - You are now too old for this
WingMan - Thats my cover for you 
TailMan - Almost got the whole Earth
WingMan - I want you to be happy for short time
TailMan - I got many important ones..
WingMan - They deserve to be yours so I let you get them
TailMan - You know what my new 5 year policy is working
WingMan- And my forever policy will always work....
TailMan - HAHAHA .....I can see another ready to hug me....LoL
WingMan - Congrats .... 
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123.2311. Joke of the Day -- 03/31/2010

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#2 | 1630 days ago

 This one may have been told on this site before, but it's a good long one... 


Grandpa and the IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

  
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Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1630 days ago

(Edited by cuddles127017)
So the internet has come to this.    No one escapes  it.    lol
11  
#2 | 1630 days ago

 This one may have been told on this site before, but it's a good long one... 


Grandpa and the IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

#3 | 1630 days ago

69  
#4 | 1630 days ago

His family isn't too pleased about our engagement, a coed told her roommate.
"In fact, his wife is furious,"
69  
#5 | 1630 days ago

In simpler times people who committed adultery were stoned;
today it's often the other way around.
69  
#6 | 1630 days ago

Sometimes a woman can attract a man with her mind,but
it's easier to attract him with what what she doesn't mind
69  
#7 | 1630 days ago

maddhatter6691 wrote:
In simpler times people who committed adultery were stoned;
today it's often the other way around.
So true  LOL and morality now a days is going down the drain.
#8 | 1630 days ago

maddhatter6691 wrote:
Sometimes a woman can attract a man with her mind,but
it's easier to attract him with what what she doesn't mind
Well   at this age I  believe so
#9 | 1630 days ago

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use that kind of language or God will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his second shot. Again he missed and under his breath he said, "I f**k'ïn missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't use that language or God will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he could'nt help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That ïs it God will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed".

#10 | 1630 days ago

(Edited by Randisist)

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
#11 | 1630 days ago

Female language dictionary

40-ish...............................................49
Adventurous.....................................Slept with everyone
Athletic.............................................No tits
Average looking................................Ugly
Beautiful............................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..............................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure...........................On medication
Free spirit.........................................Junkie
Friendship first..................................Former slut
Fun..................................................Annoying
New-Age.........................................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned..................................No BJs
Open-minded...................................Desperate
Outgoing..........................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.......................................Sloppy drunk
Professional......................................Bitch
Feminist...........................................Fat
Voluptuous......................................Very Fat
Large frame.....................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate..............................Stalker

1. Yes = No
2. No = No
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = And you'll pay dearly
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

#12 | 1630 days ago

Kenne wrote:
 This one may have been told on this site before, but it's a good long one... 


Grandpa and the IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

 Kenne ...tht conversation is totally made up as do the names .....its just wht came up .....may be a same sort picture was placed b4 in another poll but 2days meaning of this joke is very different from the other one....

 
#13 | 1630 days ago

PERFECT!
>
>>Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the
> airports. Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you,
> but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
>>It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this
> crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and
> expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case closed!
>>This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now: you're in the
> airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an
> announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we
> now have a seat available on flight number..."
>
>>Works for me! 

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