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Joke of the Day -- 05/13/2010
 A real dry day .......Joke of the Day -- 05/13/2010 Photo

Joke of the Day -- 05/13/2010 Photo

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56.31. Joke of the Day -- 05/13/2010

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#7 | 1632 days ago

Twister anyone? lol
18 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
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#1 | 1632 days ago

Last Day on the Job

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde-haired woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," the blonde said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar."

The blonde haired lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
#2 | 1632 days ago

A couple were sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come home
from a social engagement when the boy came into the house with a big
smile on his face.

"Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! He said breathlessly. "Guess what! I've just had sex
for the first time, and it was wonderful!"

His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. 
 You talk to him". Then she left the room.

The father said , "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm
proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that
ten-speed bike you've been wanting.

I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get it".

"That's OK, Dad", said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway,

my @ss is too sore."

DAD fainted.
#3 | 1632 days ago

One time this granny asked her grandchildren what does LOL mean as she has been seeing it a lot these days, so the children just said it means lots of love Granma. The granny said thanks,
The following month the granny’s neighbor passed away, so granny reached for her cellphone to send a sympathy note, and wrote:
Rest in Peace Mr Smith, “LOL”
#4 | 1632 days ago

Will the time of NO drinking water at the table Ever Come?   That would be the day each and every one of us really have to panic to make sure enough drinking water is readily available.
#5 | 1632 days ago

#6 | 1632 days ago
ssusiej46 (+)

SickPuppy wrote:
lol I hope that is not your foot
#7 | 1632 days ago

Twister anyone? lol
#8 | 1632 days ago

Mental Release

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Marvelous," said the head of the institution.

"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

"Absolutely," said the head.

"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."

"An interesting possibility," said the head.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."


#9 | 1632 days ago

ssusiej46 wrote:
lol I hope that is not your foot
Me too    no -- it's not, but if it were -- I'd probably have written something else that I couldn't put on IQ  
#10 | 1632 days ago

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way..

I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'

'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.... You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.... 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational....

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'

'What are you talking about?' asks the guy..

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'

'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'  

#11 | 1632 days ago

(Edited by ironhead_mike)
#12 | 1632 days ago

Good ones today, everyone. 
#13 | 1632 days ago

LoCaWldKat66 wrote:
Twister anyone? lol
that your bed ,i can tell by the pictures in the nitestand ; )
#14 | 1632 days ago

rickdick wrote:
that your bed ,i can tell by the pictures in the nitestand ; )
no hahaha that is not my bed I just found this jpg at the joke sites hahahahaha
#15 | 1632 days ago

Two men, Mark and Tyrone work together and every morning Mark comes to work smiling. Tyrone asks Mark, "Why are you so happy?" Mark replies "My wife gives me sex every morning". Tyrone asks "How the hell do you get her to do that!?". Mark replies "I tell her a poem that goes... Blonde hair blonde hair, eyes so blue I love waking up to make love to you!" Tyrone says "You white boys are crazy!" The next morning Tyrone comes in to work beat all to hell! Mark asks "What the hell happened to you?" Tyrone replies "I tried your poem thing this morning, I said nappy head nappy head, eyes like a frog, if I could roll yo big a** over I'd f*** you like a dog"
#16 | 1632 days ago

LoCaWldKat66 wrote:
Twister anyone? lol

Now thats just awesome. No need to wonder what happens in that bed! LMBO

#17 | 1632 days ago

In Arizona, if you are pulled over by the cops, and the officer say "papers. And you respond with "Scissors," do you win?
#18 | 1632 days ago

richard_cranium wrote:
In Arizona, if you are pulled over by the cops, and the officer say "papers. And you respond with "Scissors," do you win?

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