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Filter Error 06/10
Welcome back. This is the part of the locker room where you can sit and chat and chill for a while without offending or being shushed. Maybe you wanna watch a dvd or listen to your mp3. Yes, I rhymed. Something on your mind, post it! Random question, ask it? Hijacking is allowed and encouraged. Join the party, troll around, have a beer. It's cool. All are welcome, but please leave all BS in the hall. 

Good Morning! It's so close to Friday. My coffee is excellent. I was way more hyper this morning than I usually am...that's a good thing i guess. My kid greeted me this morning when i came out of the restroom with a huge smile and a good mornin'...too cute. She's the cutest, most affectionate little devil baby I've ever seen. So, let's make today even better than yesterday. Stay hydrated, hug a Cancer, and tell someone they are fabulous (i already did that this morning, and I'm sure it made their day). And Remember....He who laughs last probably still didn't get it.
| Closed on 06/21/10 at 11:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll
25 Fans 
8%a. Good day...
40%b. Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...
4%c. Cry me a river...
4%d. He keeps going and going and going...
16%e. The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it...
8%f. You Can't Do That On Television....
16%g. Day 10 Shots....
4%h. Cold Beans...

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#25 | 1512 days ago
ChristiSunshine (+)

 My mom does not have breast cancer, and i'm breathing a sigh of relief.  Her sister just had a double mastectomy, and the occurrence rates are high for people who have mothers/sisters with breast cancer.  
  
81 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1512 days ago

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dog, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog
I got my grub on, but didn't pig out
Finally got a call from a girl wanna dig out
Hooked it up for later as I hit the do'
Thinking will i live, another twenty-fo'
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop
Had to stop at a red light
Looking in my mirror not a jacker in sight
And everything is alright
I got a beep from Kim and she can f**k all night
Called up the homies and I'm askin y'all
Which park, are y'all playin basketball?
Get me on the court and I'm trouble
Last week f**ked around and got a triple double
Freaking *****s every way like M.J.
I can't believe, today was a good day
Day 10 Shots....  
#2 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by hskrdave)
 Put them in the Iron Maiden!!!
Excellent!!!
Execute them!!!
Bogus...

Day two with the kids.  Had a Great time at the Durham Bulls game last night, Bulls won.

Braves lost, Becky beat me.

BlackHawks raise Lord Stanley after OT which was kind of anticlimatic, because no one knew Kane scored for like 20 seconds.  In Honor of Kane and the BlackHawks, here we go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s-I4OZBS58&feature=related





Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#3 | 1512 days ago

Happy Thursday!!
Congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks and Patrick Kane's Facts of Life Perm..
Congrats to my hockey team for winning 8-2 and getting done just in time to get up to the bar to watch OT of the Chicago-Philly game..
Congrats to the parents of the girls working the bar last night, you all should be proud...
Well, it's off to a construction meeting and then a meeting of a trade association committee I chair... awesome

Hold your breath
Make a wish
Count to three.....

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of
Pure imagination
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see
Will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly wish to be

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly
Wish to be

You Can't Do That On Television....  
#4 | 1512 days ago
Mr_Rogers (+)

I was hurt yesterday, acusations flew, like an eagle soaring around the highest mountain top. I was very suprised to hear that I might be involved in such things. I think its because i'm white, but I will never really know if that is truely the reason.  Heres a little Bobby Brown for you:
 


When U trust someone
And U know you're on their back
You ain't got no trustin' about you
And you claim that you don't care where I'm at
You've given me reason to doubt you
Say U trust someone
Why ya callin' all around
Think i've got some dip on the side
Girl you don't trust no one
And you constantly in doubt
You lose the game
If you play that way

Get up off me back
Save your heart attack
Ain't nobody is humpin' around
No matter what they say
No it ain't that way
Ain't nobody humpin' around


When U love someone
And you want to love 'em right
Got to get more lovin' about cha
When you know that you're holdin' on too tight
Soon they will be leaving without you
Say that U love someone
Why you callin' all my friends
Thinkin' i got somethin' to hide
Girl you don't love no one
You don't know what love's about
You lose the game
If you play that way


Girl when U trust someone
You don't call on everybody
Ain't nobody foolin' around
And the more i think about it
You'll lose all your clout and
You lose the game baby
If you play that way

Back to the BB Brown (3X)


Chorus w/ Bobby's adlibs

Stop!

Rap:
My name is Brown, that's what I'm called so,
Don't try to step on me wrong or you'll fall
slow, cause i just wznt to kick soul to ya,
maybe, baby, take control of ya, just like i
told ya. I wanna roll on the tip that's moving
able to make you move and groove and leave you
like ooh when i touch ya. Give you so much of the
feeling of the deck that i'm dealing when i rub
ya up and down yo Stylz kick it.

Stylz: Well i know it's been a while, since
you heard a change in our style. So what i've come
to do is kick you something fly and new. A change,
different from the typical a bit more than regular
not like the others original, cuz originality and
creativity add it up together equals the B.B.B.
Posse. Yeah we've in the house. Yo kick it!
 

#5 | 1512 days ago

Mr_Rogers wrote:

I was hurt yesterday, acusations flew, like an eagle soaring around the highest mountain top. I was very suprised to hear that I might be involved in such things. I think its because i'm white, but I will never really know if that is truely the reason.  Heres a little Bobby Brown for you:
 


When U trust someone
And U know you're on their back
You ain't got no trustin' about you
And you claim that you don't care where I'm at
You've given me reason to doubt you
Say U trust someone
Why ya callin' all around
Think i've got some dip on the side
Girl you don't trust no one
And you constantly in doubt
You lose the game
If you play that way

Get up off me back
Save your heart attack
Ain't nobody is humpin' around
No matter what they say
No it ain't that way
Ain't nobody humpin' around


When U love someone
And you want to love 'em right
Got to get more lovin' about cha
When you know that you're holdin' on too tight
Soon they will be leaving without you
Say that U love someone
Why you callin' all my friends
Thinkin' i got somethin' to hide
Girl you don't love no one
You don't know what love's about
You lose the game
If you play that way


Girl when U trust someone
You don't call on everybody
Ain't nobody foolin' around
And the more i think about it
You'll lose all your clout and
You lose the game baby
If you play that way

Back to the BB Brown (3X)


Chorus w/ Bobby's adlibs

Stop!

Rap:
My name is Brown, that's what I'm called so,
Don't try to step on me wrong or you'll fall
slow, cause i just wznt to kick soul to ya,
maybe, baby, take control of ya, just like i
told ya. I wanna roll on the tip that's moving
able to make you move and groove and leave you
like ooh when i touch ya. Give you so much of the
feeling of the deck that i'm dealing when i rub
ya up and down yo Stylz kick it.

Stylz: Well i know it's been a while, since
you heard a change in our style. So what i've come
to do is kick you something fly and new. A change,
different from the typical a bit more than regular
not like the others original, cuz originality and
creativity add it up together equals the B.B.B.
Posse. Yeah we've in the house. Yo kick it!
 

Wow!
Day 10 Shots....  
#6 | 1512 days ago

Second post, because honestly I can't think of everything at once this morning.

I am sad Hockey is over, although I will concentrate on the Braves now.  I would say I am getting ready for College football but...

This whole Nebraska going to the Big 10 is really pissing me off.  Not because they are leaving the Big 12 or loss of traditions or anything like that.  It's because what it means to college football in the long run.   If Nebraska leaves, and the Big 12 dissolves after all is said and done (according to all the domino experts), there will be one less BCS conference, possibly 2 (because the Big East is only 8 teams to begin with), there will be less competition than there is now, and Basketball is going by the wayside.  I hate that Nebraska will be the catalyst for this Money grab.  I need to organize my thoughts more (it's like i just woke up or something) but I believe this does not bode well for College Football overall.
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#7 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by kteacher)
Morning Lovelies and Sugar Plums!

It's finally happened-------I beat him at Playbook. Whoo Hoo! Go Dodgers! First Place Dodgers!

Congrats to the Blackhawks on their SC victory. May this be what I have to look forward to next season but with the Kings.

I have a field trip today. Field Trips always make me feel like I've run a short marathon, and today should be no different. (Ha...I will have a blast. lol)

On a serious note, Side Ponies are not a swipe. It's a pretty cool hair do that I have worn myself (granted it was after a long day of activity and that's the way my regular pony fell, but still. ) Peace in Q-dom. All this other stuff is starting to give me aches located in my head.

Lastly------Lakers play to tonight and I have two things to  say. Go Lakers! and --------"I Freak'n LOVE L.A.!"

Have an enjoyable day and remember if you feel the need to take a "swipe", eat some ice cream.

*******To the accused............"I am human and made a mistake. I am flawed. Accept me or suck it. "
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#8 | 1512 days ago

Mr_Rogers wrote:

I was hurt yesterday, acusations flew, like an eagle soaring around the highest mountain top. I was very suprised to hear that I might be involved in such things. I think its because i'm white, but I will never really know if that is truely the reason.  Heres a little Bobby Brown for you:
 


When U trust someone
And U know you're on their back
You ain't got no trustin' about you
And you claim that you don't care where I'm at
You've given me reason to doubt you
Say U trust someone
Why ya callin' all around
Think i've got some dip on the side
Girl you don't trust no one
And you constantly in doubt
You lose the game
If you play that way

Get up off me back
Save your heart attack
Ain't nobody is humpin' around
No matter what they say
No it ain't that way
Ain't nobody humpin' around


When U love someone
And you want to love 'em right
Got to get more lovin' about cha
When you know that you're holdin' on too tight
Soon they will be leaving without you
Say that U love someone
Why you callin' all my friends
Thinkin' i got somethin' to hide
Girl you don't love no one
You don't know what love's about
You lose the game
If you play that way


Girl when U trust someone
You don't call on everybody
Ain't nobody foolin' around
And the more i think about it
You'll lose all your clout and
You lose the game baby
If you play that way

Back to the BB Brown (3X)


Chorus w/ Bobby's adlibs

Stop!

Rap:
My name is Brown, that's what I'm called so,
Don't try to step on me wrong or you'll fall
slow, cause i just wznt to kick soul to ya,
maybe, baby, take control of ya, just like i
told ya. I wanna roll on the tip that's moving
able to make you move and groove and leave you
like ooh when i touch ya. Give you so much of the
feeling of the deck that i'm dealing when i rub
ya up and down yo Stylz kick it.

Stylz: Well i know it's been a while, since
you heard a change in our style. So what i've come
to do is kick you something fly and new. A change,
different from the typical a bit more than regular
not like the others original, cuz originality and
creativity add it up together equals the B.B.B.
Posse. Yeah we've in the house. Yo kick it!
 

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for"   Bob Marley
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#9 | 1512 days ago

kteacher wrote:
Morning Lovelies and Sugar Plums!

It's finally happened-------I beat him at Playbook. Whoo Hoo! Go Dodgers! First Place Dodgers!

Congrats to the Blackhawks on their SC victory. May this be what I have to look forward to next season but with the Kings.

I have a field trip today. Field Trips always make me feel like I've run a short marathon, and today should be no different. (Ha...I will have a blast. lol)

On a serious note, Side Ponies are not a swipe. It's a pretty cool hair do that I have worn myself (granted it was after a long day of activity and that's the way my regular pony fell, but still. ) Peace in Q-dom. All this other stuff is starting to give me aches located in my head.

Lastly------Lakers play to tonight and I have two things to  say. Go Lakers! and --------"I Freak'n LOVE L.A.!"

Have an enjoyable day and remember if you feel the need to take a "swipe", eat some ice cream.

*******To the accused............"I am human and made a mistake. I am flawed. Accept me or suck it. "
Day 10 Shots....  
#10 | 1512 days ago

Happy Thursday Morning all.  (are we there yet?)

Padres/Mets game apparently got rained out yesterday, so they are playing double today. (are we there yet?).  So we have a chance to regain our superiority over the Dodgers.  (are we there yet?)

Look out Teach, we're coming.

(Why o' why isn't it Friday yet????  C'mon weekend!!)
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#11 | 1512 days ago

nope. makes you normal.
Day 10 Shots....  
#12 | 1512 days ago

 F*** Boston. Nothing more needs to be said.
#13 | 1512 days ago

kantwistaye wrote:
 F*** Boston. Nothing more needs to be said.
Let me say something:

F*** BOSTON with a 6 ft Shoe horn and a banjo string!!

The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it...  
#14 | 1512 days ago

Rubber Duckie, you're the one...


First off...Good Thursday to all...
Now...get on Deezzzz Nuttzzzz you Boston hacks...

- College Football in America may be the biggest corporate scam ever propagated...I think Bud Selig has his hand in the BCS.  Why all these conference moves?  Nebraska leaves the BIG 12 and it dissolves?  Texas in the PAC-10??  (PAC does stand for PACIFIC, right??  Texas is???)

I can't find nothing else to trip on...there's gotta be something!! 
Nope...Guess I'll drop some verses:

I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
you lock me up inside your dirty cage
while I'm alone inside my mind
I'd like to teach you all the rules
I get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
well then your secrets never shone

I need to feel you
you need to feel me
I can't control you
you're not the one for me no
I can't control you
you can't control me
I need to feel you
so why's it involve

I love the way you rape my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
'cause I'm the guy you'll never find
I faking all of the rules
theres no expresions on your face
Im hopeing someday you will let me go
release me from my dirty cage

I need to feel you
you need to feel me
I can't control you
you're not the one for me no
I can't control you
you can't control me
I need to feel you
so why's it involve
you and me

I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

I need to feel you
you need to feel me
I can't control you
you're not the one for me no
I can't control you
you can't control me
I need to feel you
so why's it involve
you and me

You're not the one for me no


Holla at yo boy!
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it...  
#15 | 1512 days ago
Superjunkie999 (+)

Anyone else having a hard time staying logged in?
#16 | 1512 days ago

This coming from a fuzzy puppy...
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it...  
#17 | 1512 days ago

Superjunkie999 wrote:
Anyone else having a hard time staying logged in?
yes.
Day 10 Shots....  
#18 | 1512 days ago
(+)

Morning all.
First the bitch - my shoulder with the torn rotator cuff got slammed in a heavy door yesterday.  The hydraulic thingy on top wasn't working properly and I opened the door to go thru, only to have it slam on the shoulder when I let go.  Now I have a huge bruise, it hurts like a sonofa...........and today is my "Monday" 

Other than that, my son said yesterday's performance was the best one yet, it is beautiful and sunny, warming up nicely, my internet got reset and is working much better, and I'm hoping the "punch in the head" my daughter wrote about on FB was a minor one, since she didn't say anything about it last night.

Oh and congrats to the Blackhawks although I was hoping the Flyers would make it into a little more of a contest - I didn't care much one way or another who won.  The Lakers should be throwing the Celtics to the wolves tonight, but I won't see it.

I finally found some golf clubs I like and decided to buy them.  Took them to the checkout only to find they were 33% off.  There was no sign, no nothing, but hey, I'm not complaining!! 
Hope everyone has an AWESOME day, no tornados in Tornado Alley, no earthquakes on the Pacific Rim and no wind or rain in the Hurricane belt!!!

#19 | 1512 days ago

Hiiiiiiii
Cold Beans...  
#20 | 1512 days ago

hello party ppl- hey Ash- how the hell r u?
#21 | 1512 days ago

yo ALL U LAKER FANS!!!!!! it aint over yet, the fat lady has yet to sing!!!!!
#22 | 1512 days ago

alainpeartree wrote:
hello party ppl- hey Ash- how the hell r u?
I'm good alain...thinking I'll be great at about 1130pm!
Day 10 Shots....  
#23 | 1512 days ago

(Too soon? Well in internet time it's been like 2 years, so...)





Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#24 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by Debi_L)

that was MY post (#23 - can't respond to it either *sigh*), but because of the staying signed in issues, it isn't showing as my own...........
 

BTW I've reported the staying logged in problem...........

Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#25 | 1512 days ago
ChristiSunshine (+)

 My mom does not have breast cancer, and i'm breathing a sigh of relief.  Her sister just had a double mastectomy, and the occurrence rates are high for people who have mothers/sisters with breast cancer.  
#26 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by richard_cranium)
Tonight, I get to do a shot with Ash, watch the Lakers. No work! Last night was fun, got off work and went out drinking with the boss and some co-workers, I don't get to hang out with, since I normally work a different shift. Just like any good night out drinking with restaurant employees, we wound up at the scripp club, inspiring my song of the day!

The lap dance is so much better-Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my b@lls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Day 10 Shots....  
#27 | 1512 days ago
jasonwrites (+)

 First, glad to be back home in Colorado. Never thought I'd said that, because I think it's the first time I returned here from visiting Mom et. al. in Georgia and felt more like this was home. 

Second, I effing hate the Houston Astros in general right now, and Carlos Lee in particular. Where's Leigh?

Third, did I mention it was good to be back home? With the kids and dog that loves me and my wife who really loves me and grilled steak, salmon, corn on the cob, and rosemary potatoes with some fresh fruit salad last night... heavenly.

It finally really FEELS like summer vacation, although now I have my own classwork to do, but that's OK. Time to relax, swim, play... it's all good. (Even if the Rox are averaging around three runs a game as of late-- at least the Braves are in first place).
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#28 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by kobe_lova)
Men are idiots: http://www.break.com/index/redneck-shocked-with-cattle-prod.html
Day 10 Shots....  
#29 | 1512 days ago

Superjunkie999 wrote:
Anyone else having a hard time staying logged in?
some of us old guys may have trouble keeping the log hard.  but not me.
Good day...  
#30 | 1512 days ago

kobe_lova wrote: It took you almost 30 years and this video to figure that out?
Day 10 Shots....  
#31 | 1512 days ago

richard_cranium wrote:
It took you almost 30 years and this video to figure that out?
nope...I just like to say it out loud every once in a while!
Day 10 Shots....  
#32 | 1512 days ago

jasonwrites wrote:
 First, glad to be back home in Colorado. Never thought I'd said that, because I think it's the first time I returned here from visiting Mom et. al. in Georgia and felt more like this was home. 

Second, I effing hate the Houston Astros in general right now, and Carlos Lee in particular. Where's Leigh?

Third, did I mention it was good to be back home? With the kids and dog that loves me and my wife who really loves me and grilled steak, salmon, corn on the cob, and rosemary potatoes with some fresh fruit salad last night... heavenly.

It finally really FEELS like summer vacation, although now I have my own classwork to do, but that's OK. Time to relax, swim, play... it's all good. (Even if the Rox are averaging around three runs a game as of late-- at least the Braves are in first place).

hmm? oh sorry. i was busy watching a replay of big sexy's 10th inning grand salami.

#33 | 1512 days ago

Morning, bitches. 

So, got out of work a little earlier than I expected.  Great.  I haven't been food shopping in ... I'll have to check my latest bank statement to see when the barrage of take-out/delivery charges started to even wager a guess.  So I figured I had some time and energy, so I went.  
All was going well until I hit the produce section.  I spotted some cantaloupe out of my peripheral, and made a mad dash over to them because, well, it's delicious and I'm a slovenly beast who gets insanely excited over food.  Got there, and that's when my bat-sh*t crazy mind went to work.  
Step 1:  Rummage through the pile to find just the right size melon.
Step 2:  Forget the rule of thumb for determining if a melon is good or not.  Knock on it or squeeze it?
Step 3:  Do both, completely in vain since I don't know what the melon should/should not feel and/or sound like when squeezed or knocked, respectively.
Step 4:  Have a flashback to the episode of "The Golden Girls" where the ladies had an argument in the store over how to determine a melon's ripeness.  No help since I couldn't remember the details and, well, they never settled who was, indeed, correct.  Giggle a little anyway.  
Step 5:  Look around for assistance ... spot an older male employee.
Step 6:  Inner monologue, as follows.
"Self, this is a bad idea.  Walking up to this man and asking him "Should I knock my melons or squeeze them?" will likely result in a rude, inappropriate comment from this gruff looking employee.  That will lead to my brain automatically sending the message to my arm to rear back and slap this man across his dirty mouth.  The police will be called, I'll get arrested, the media will show up, I'll get released tomorrow morning just in time to see the headlines "Crazed NJ Woman Assaults Grocer in Produce Section", my mother will call me (and likely act ashamed ... whatever, Mom, you were ashamed WAY before this, just think of that time that I... wait, self, focus), I'll never be able to use that supermarket again, and I'll still have no cantaloupe."
Step 7:  Buy apples instead.




 









He keeps going and going and going...  
#34 | 1512 days ago

You're just mad I called you a sh*tty crush.  
He keeps going and going and going...  
#35 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by richard_cranium)
janet011685 wrote:
Morning, bitches. 

So, got out of work a little earlier than I expected.  Great.  I haven't been food shopping in ... I'll have to check my latest bank statement to see when the barrage of take-out/delivery charges started to even wager a guess.  So I figured I had some time and energy, so I went.  
All was going well until I hit the produce section.  I spotted some cantaloupe out of my peripheral, and made a mad dash over to them because, well, it's delicious and I'm a slovenly beast who gets insanely excited over food.  Got there, and that's when my bat-sh*t crazy mind went to work.  
Step 1:  Rummage through the pile to find just the right size melon.
Step 2:  Forget the rule of thumb for determining if a melon is good or not.  Knock on it or squeeze it?
Step 3:  Do both, completely in vain since I don't know what the melon should/should not feel and/or sound like when squeezed or knocked, respectively.
Step 4:  Have a flashback to the episode of "The Golden Girls" where the ladies had an argument in the store over how to determine a melon's ripeness.  No help since I couldn't remember the details and, well, they never settled who was, indeed, correct.  Giggle a little anyway.  
Step 5:  Look around for assistance ... spot an older male employee.
Step 6:  Inner monologue, as follows.
"Self, this is a bad idea.  Walking up to this man and asking him "Should I knock my melons or squeeze them?" will likely result in a rude, inappropriate comment from this gruff looking employee.  That will lead to my brain automatically sending the message to my arm to rear back and slap this man across his dirty mouth.  The police will be called, I'll get arrested, the media will show up, I'll get released tomorrow morning just in time to see the headlines "Crazed NJ Woman Assaults Grocer in Produce Section", my mother will call me (and likely act ashamed ... whatever, Mom, you were ashamed WAY before this, just think of that time that I... wait, self, focus), I'll never be able to use that supermarket again, and I'll still have no cantaloupe."
Step 7:  Buy apples instead.




 









I have found that motor-boating melons works best, wait you are talking about actual fruit, sorry, my advice is absolutely useless with actual fruit. Plus you would look like a idiot holding up two cantaloupes and making motorboat sounds in the middle of the produce isle at a grocery store.
Day 10 Shots....  
#36 | 1512 days ago

Happy Thursday afternoon!
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#37 | 1512 days ago

jasonwrites wrote:
 First, glad to be back home in Colorado. Never thought I'd said that, because I think it's the first time I returned here from visiting Mom et. al. in Georgia and felt more like this was home. 

Second, I effing hate the Houston Astros in general right now, and Carlos Lee in particular. Where's Leigh?

Third, did I mention it was good to be back home? With the kids and dog that loves me and my wife who really loves me and grilled steak, salmon, corn on the cob, and rosemary potatoes with some fresh fruit salad last night... heavenly.

It finally really FEELS like summer vacation, although now I have my own classwork to do, but that's OK. Time to relax, swim, play... it's all good. (Even if the Rox are averaging around three runs a game as of late-- at least the Braves are in first place).
  Glad to have you back home!! 
#38 | 1512 days ago

(Edited by kobe_lova)
This totally reminded me of Rogers:  http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/506492/Racist+Microwave+Buyer/
Day 10 Shots....  
#39 | 1512 days ago

you read that in 30 seconds?
Day 10 Shots....  
#40 | 1512 days ago

okay, well that makes sense.
Day 10 Shots....  
#41 | 1512 days ago

alainpeartree wrote:
yo ALL U LAKER FANS!!!!!! it aint over yet, the fat lady has yet to sing!!!!!
No...but That Fat Beeeeeaaaoooootttch is humming "the Death March" as we speak!!
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it...  
#42 | 1512 days ago
Superjunkie999 (+)

Fascinating.
#43 | 1512 days ago

But if he joins, I'd assume he likes you.  Then you'd have to change the name of your clique entirely.  
You're welcome, in advance, for my eye for detail.
He keeps going and going and going...  
#44 | 1512 days ago

If you change the name to "we are the kids that nobody really likes and we dont give a flying f**k"!  I am in.
Day 10 Shots....  
#45 | 1512 days ago

"I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert "...That thur is some funny s***!!

Janet...Yeah!!!  That's all I gotta say on that...
The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it...  
#46 | 1512 days ago

janet011685 wrote:
Morning, bitches. 

So, got out of work a little earlier than I expected.  Great.  I haven't been food shopping in ... I'll have to check my latest bank statement to see when the barrage of take-out/delivery charges started to even wager a guess.  So I figured I had some time and energy, so I went.  
All was going well until I hit the produce section.  I spotted some cantaloupe out of my peripheral, and made a mad dash over to them because, well, it's delicious and I'm a slovenly beast who gets insanely excited over food.  Got there, and that's when my bat-sh*t crazy mind went to work.  
Step 1:  Rummage through the pile to find just the right size melon.
Step 2:  Forget the rule of thumb for determining if a melon is good or not.  Knock on it or squeeze it?
Step 3:  Do both, completely in vain since I don't know what the melon should/should not feel and/or sound like when squeezed or knocked, respectively.
Step 4:  Have a flashback to the episode of "The Golden Girls" where the ladies had an argument in the store over how to determine a melon's ripeness.  No help since I couldn't remember the details and, well, they never settled who was, indeed, correct.  Giggle a little anyway.  
Step 5:  Look around for assistance ... spot an older male employee.
Step 6:  Inner monologue, as follows.
"Self, this is a bad idea.  Walking up to this man and asking him "Should I knock my melons or squeeze them?" will likely result in a rude, inappropriate comment from this gruff looking employee.  That will lead to my brain automatically sending the message to my arm to rear back and slap this man across his dirty mouth.  The police will be called, I'll get arrested, the media will show up, I'll get released tomorrow morning just in time to see the headlines "Crazed NJ Woman Assaults Grocer in Produce Section", my mother will call me (and likely act ashamed ... whatever, Mom, you were ashamed WAY before this, just think of that time that I... wait, self, focus), I'll never be able to use that supermarket again, and I'll still have no cantaloupe."
Step 7:  Buy apples instead.




 









co*ktease
You Can't Do That On Television....  
#47 | 1512 days ago
Superjunkie999 (+)

WISAC1 wrote:
some of us old guys may have trouble keeping the log hard.  but not me.
So you DONT have diarrhea? Or did i misunderstand what you were trying to say?
#48 | 1512 days ago

The_Real_Stoney wrote:
co*ktease

Um, I opted to NOT talk about my melons.  Scroll up, READ it this time and stop skipping around to "squeeze" and "melons".    Ass.
He keeps going and going and going...  
#49 | 1512 days ago
Superjunkie999 (+)

Cactus_Jack, i dont mind joining any group.
#50 | 1512 days ago

Good Thursday afternoon! I know I am late but hey I was occupied !! Looks like I missed some stuff, I was gonna rant today but then I thought...nahhh thats just a waste of my energy!

So GO LAKERS!!! Hoping for one more win in Boston. Dee don't get all crazy during the game this time!!

I don't know what all this talk about swipes, rumors, drama!!! I am over it!!! So for everyone that is on any kind of social website...sh*t happens and sometimes you just gotta have a thick skin. Not everyone is gonna get along all the time, there are tons of personalities and you just never know. Its like being at one of my family reunions...except w/o all the drinking! (p.s. Becky sorry for all the !!! )

Anyways speaking of rumors it made me think of this song...I haven't heard it in a long time but its a fun one....

How do rumors get started?

they're started by the jealous people and

they get mad about somthin'they had,

and sombody else is holdin'

They tell me that temptation

is very hard to resist

these wicked women,

oohh they just persist

maybe you think it's cute,

but girl I'm not impressed

I tell you one time only

with my business please don't mess with you



Look at all these rumors

running me everyday

I just need some time

some time to get away from

from all these rumors

I can't take it no more

my best friend say did you

hear the one about me

and the girl next door?



Did you hear the one about susan?

some say she's much too loose

that came straight from a guy

who claims he's tastin' her juice

Did you hear the one about Michael?

Some say he must be gay

I tried to argue but they said

if he were straight he would'nt move that way

Did you hear the one about Susan?

some say she's just a tease

in a camosal she's six feet tall

she'll knock you to you knees..



Look at all these rumors

running me everyday

I just need some time

some time to get away from

from all these rumors

I can't take it no more

my best friend say did you

hear the one about me

and the girl next door?



I can't go no place

without somebody pointin' a finger

I can't show my face cuz

when it comes to rumors I'm a dead ringer



I'll think I'll write my congressman

and tell him to pass a bill

the next time they catch somebody

started rumors, shoot to kill!



Look at all these rumors

running me everyday

I just need some time

some time to get away from

from all these rumors

I can't take it no more

my best friend say did you

hear the one about me

and the girl next door?



Day 10 Shots....  
#51 | 1512 days ago

janet011685 wrote:

Um, I opted to NOT talk about my melons.  Scroll up, READ it this time and stop skipping around to "squeeze" and "melons".    Ass.
all I heard there was "squeeze my ass"
ok I will
You Can't Do That On Television....  
#52 | 1512 days ago

The_Real_Stoney wrote:
all I heard there was "squeeze my ass"
ok I will
all I heard there was "squeeze my ass and melons"
ok I will

fixed
Day 10 Shots....  
#53 | 1512 days ago

Haha....already half way there
Day 10 Shots....  
#54 | 1512 days ago

The_Real_Stoney wrote:
all I heard there was "squeeze my ass"
ok I will
Keep dreaming, Stud Muffin.  
He keeps going and going and going...  
#55 | 1512 days ago
jasonwrites (+)

ms_hippie_queen wrote:

hmm? oh sorry. i was busy watching a replay of big sexy's 10th inning grand salami.

 Fart.
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#56 | 1512 days ago

janet011685 wrote:
Keep dreaming, Stud Muffin.  
you missed a 'g'
You Can't Do That On Television....  
#57 | 1512 days ago

The_Real_Stoney wrote:
you missed a 'g'
You have NO idea how many times I've had to say that.  
He keeps going and going and going...  
#58 | 1512 days ago

jasonwrites wrote:
 Fart.
!!!!!
#59 | 1512 days ago

janet011685 wrote:
You have NO idea how many times I've had to say that.  
not to some people
You Can't Do That On Television....  
#60 | 1512 days ago

next time a pic is posted that no one can see, how about one of you baby geniuses speak up?!
Day 10 Shots....  
#61 | 1512 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
next time a pic is posted that no one can see, how about one of you baby geniuses speak up?!
Which photo are you talking about, and who are these baby geniuses you speak of.  I see no one who fits that description.
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#62 | 1512 days ago

ooooooh, I cant stand you. You make me wanna:  Hatchet across your head!

JERK!
Day 10 Shots....  
#63 | 1512 days ago

Oddfool wrote:
Which photo are you talking about, and who are these baby geniuses you speak of.  I see no one who fits that description.
post 44, you didnt see it Odd...i know you wouldnt've let me look like an Ass for hours.
Day 10 Shots....  
#64 | 1512 days ago

STOOOPID! 

Day 10 Shots....  
#65 | 1512 days ago

Tim Tebow finds circumcision play appealing too
You Can't Do That On Television....  
#66 | 1512 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
ooooooh, I cant stand you. You make me wanna:  Hatchet across your head!

JERK!
From the look of his avatar, I would have thought this would have been more appropriate:

                       
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#67 | 1512 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
post 44, you didnt see it Odd...i know you wouldnt've let me look like an Ass for hours.
Cool.   Yes, I could see him do something like that.  (along with a few others here)
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#68 | 1512 days ago

Oddfool wrote:
Cool.   Yes, I could see him do something like that.  (along with a few others here)
yeah....it was the part at the end when he says "so you dont want the microwave?" to the end of it that caused me to lose it. I was at work on the phone while i was reading it...that poor woman didnt know whether to be mad or laugh because i COULD NOT help her because i immediately pictured Rogers.
Day 10 Shots....  
#69 | 1512 days ago
Ms_Penn (+)

(Edited by Ms_Penn)
whats the deal people???? hope everyone is great as always..

so I had to go take a drug test today for this job. when I brought my sample back to the lady she said they might not take it! I was like why not? she said well its too clear. TOO clear? she said you drank too much water. I almost got upset because this was by far one of the stupidest  things i have heard all week. I told her that I usually only drink water. although  this morning I did drink alil dr pepper and two bottles of water. she looked at me and said are you sure because usually when people pee and its clear that means they are trying to cheat the test. i wanted to fall out right then and there. i told her well i tell you what if it comes back because it is too clear call me back in and i will be more than happy to do another test for you and when it comes out just as clear as this one all i can say is i told you so. people are pissing me off today :(
#70 | 1512 days ago
Ms_Penn (+)

(Edited by Ms_Penn)
 fj fjghngh guigtitr8trut8t7rewwr88ru7rgyggye76g6sgrph[soht0o0htes-[lthes-=oht900i9het9ooht09rorthtrhyh0thgoy.ht90y 6895580696py/o.Omm/m/mmm/mmmm,,,,..m.m.m.fsed.aetm.5y6j'thqir6hg;[pjhdaf7tef56rer4w43332r2      this is from my son..he says hi
#71 | 1512 days ago

So it looks like you can get that Mod position you have always wanted!
Day 10 Shots....  
#72 | 1512 days ago

So, mine probably wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in Hell, if Jess laughed at yours with you looking 'armed and dangerous' there.
Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!...  
#73 | 1512 days ago
Superjunkie999 (+)

There is an application to be a site moderator?
#74 | 1512 days ago

Well this time, don't fill it out in crayon! Also, topnach, yruwet2, and jasonsmalls probably won't impress her as your personal references. They are all good guys, I just don't think it will help you land a spot as a mod.

Day 10 Shots....  
#75 | 1512 days ago
Superjunkie999 (+)

No thank you Cactus_Jack.  I'm only hear for the occasional laugh and betting my buddy on who can do the pick'ems better.
Maybe when I am more comfortable.
#76 | 1512 days ago

DAY 10 shots in 20 min....mine will be a double.
Day 10 Shots....  
#77 | 1512 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
DAY 10 shots in 20 min....mine will be a double.
since I missed yesterday, I guess mine has to be, so I can catch up!
Day 10 Shots....  
#78 | 1512 days ago

ChristiSunshine wrote:
 My mom does not have breast cancer, and i'm breathing a sigh of relief.  Her sister just had a double mastectomy, and the occurrence rates are high for people who have mothers/sisters with breast cancer.  
Glad to hear that Christi.  And I hope you are taking care of yourself with monthly personal exams.  Too many lives are touched by cancer. 
All you female Q'ers, Please take care of yourselfs. 
#79 | 1512 days ago

Evening Q'rs.....its just been one of those days.....and I have nothing...except John Harkes is YUMMY!

glad to hear about your mom Christi
Day 10 Shots....  
#80 | 1512 days ago
NorseHeathen (+)

(Edited by NorseHeathen)
Modern English: "I'll Melt with You"
www.youtube.com/watch

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and
It's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you

(You should know better)
Dream of better lives the kind which never hate
(You should see why)
Dropped in the state of imaginary grace
(You should know better)
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race
(You should see why)
Never comprehending a race that long gone by
(I'll stop the world)

I'll stop the world and melt with you
(I'll stop the world)
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
The future's open wide
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)
I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
The future's open wide

hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm

I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you...
#81 | 1511 days ago

DeeRigga wrote:
No...but That Fat Beeeeeaaaoooootttch is humming "the Death March" as we speak!!
hmmm, seems quiet, nobody singing

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