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Joke of the Day -- 10/1/2010 (sub for Som) (Edited 10/14/10 05:11PM by Jess)
It's so good to read the truth at last??

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
Doctor:
Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



Q:
Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
Doctor:
You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:
Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
Doctor:
No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q:
How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
Doctor:
Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.



| Closed on 10/14/10 at 05:15PM
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77.4291. Joke of the Day -- 10/1/2010 (sub for Som)

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#1 | 1419 days ago

A Senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the highway, he floored it to 160Kmh; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the highway, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180Kmh, then 220, then 240Kmh. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman.

  
6 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1419 days ago

A Senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the highway, he floored it to 160Kmh; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the highway, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180Kmh, then 220, then 240Kmh. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman.

#2 | 1419 days ago

Jack and Jill were two Sales Representatives for the same company. They were hired around the same time, both have simular sales records, and are basicaly well liked in the office.
    With the recent struggles in the ecconomy like so many other places the company was forced to consider downsizing. One member of every department including Sales would have to be cut. After there were no other options to exercise the layoffs were to start on the following Monday.
   Jack  was given the bad news first. He was worried because he had a family to support, but he was confident he could find work elsewhere if needed. The manager then called Jill into his office. "Jill, I have a very hard desision to make. I have to either lay you or Jack off," he said. Without missing a beat Jill replied, "Well  I guess you're gonna have to j@#k off then 'cause it's Friday! I gotta go!!
#3 | 1419 days ago

And You Think You Can DANCE!?!?!?  lol  La Gatita  Baile de Tango  hahaha !!
#4 | 1419 days ago

11  
#5 | 1419 days ago

52  
#6 | 1419 days ago

JenX63 wrote:
  LMBO

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