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7
What are some of the strangest New Year Resolutions you know won't be kept?
I will polish my pate - Bald person
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. - Executive
I will not regale the same yarn at every get together. - Incorrigible bore
I will remember that 'Cream Cake Day' is on the 29th of every month. - Foodie
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. - Anonymous
Also, remember: A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. What are some of the strangest New Year Resolutions you know won't be kept? Photo
I will not steal underwear belonging to my mistress and then dance all over the back yard with it.
I will not chew red crayons or pens, because my master will think that I am haemorrhaging.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my coat BEFORE I enter the house
| Closed on 01/26/11 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll
24 Fans 
21%a. I plan on breaking not only mine but yours too
38%b. I do not set one
0%c. I vow to set 30 polls a day
17%d. Santa said Jason sat on his lap
25%e. Other because the above choices are lame

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#8 | 1293 days ago

I always think on eating healthy, exercise more and things like those, but then a friend of mine sent me this e-mail yesterday and  now I have to give that a second thought.

This is part of an interview to a Doctor in a radio station.
 
Q.Does cardio help you to live longer?
A.Your heart was made to beat certain mumber o times, don't waste those heartbeats on exercise, everything gets old eventually. To raise your heart rate doesn´t make you live longer. Do you drive your car faster to make it last longer? Do you want to live more? Take a nap!
 
Q.Should I stop eating red meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A.You need to understand the logic of efficiency…What do cows eat? Grass and some other vegetables, so a steak is nothing but an efficient mechanism to put vegetables into your system. Do you need to eat grains? Eat chicken!

Q.Should I reduce alcohol intake?
A.No way! Alcohol is made of fruits. Beer is made of cereals. Of course you can drink!
 
Q. What are the advantages of a regular exercise program?
A.My philosophy is, if it doesn't hurt..it's fine.
 
Q.Chips and some other fried foods are bad for health?
A.You are not listening to me! Today's food is fried with vegetable oil. How a vegetable can be bad for you?
 
Q.What about chocolate?
A.Are you crazy? Another vegetable! It's good to be happy. And remember: Life it's not a journey to the grave with the intention to get there sound and safe, with an attractive and well preserved body. It's better to live this life, beer on one hand, chips on the other, a lot of sex and a body totally used and worn that screams: It totally  worth it! What a journey!
 
P.S.
If walking were healthy, mailmen would be immortal.
Whales swim all day and they're fat.
 
And remember:
Rabbits run and jump and they live 15 years, turtles do nothing and live like 450 years.

I need to get an appointment ASAP
  
33 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1293 days ago

Give up drinking, at least for the first week of January!  Going to be in the bar the next week, if you need to find me.

Other because the above choices are lame  
#2 | 1293 days ago

I've been making a resolution every so often (I usually set resolutions at the beginning of each month) to give up the Internet, or at least cut down my time by half to make room for my social life outside of my home. I've finally managed to do that, but after 10 long years of not being able to after I said I would.
#3 | 1293 days ago

I made the perfect New Years Resolution in 1990 and i have keep it ever since.
It was"Not to make anymore New Years Resolutions" lmao
Other because the above choices are lame  
#4 | 1293 days ago

I will not drink on January 1st.
Other because the above choices are lame  
#5 | 1293 days ago
ferrinhite (+)

I'm gonna stop drinking, later every night.
#6 | 1293 days ago

i will not go to Target as much.
Santa said Jason sat on his lap  
#7 | 1293 days ago

I resolve to not total another car this year, but after four years in a row, my confidence is shot and I'm due to total my current saturn sometime in early september.
#8 | 1293 days ago

I always think on eating healthy, exercise more and things like those, but then a friend of mine sent me this e-mail yesterday and  now I have to give that a second thought.

This is part of an interview to a Doctor in a radio station.
 
Q.Does cardio help you to live longer?
A.Your heart was made to beat certain mumber o times, don't waste those heartbeats on exercise, everything gets old eventually. To raise your heart rate doesn´t make you live longer. Do you drive your car faster to make it last longer? Do you want to live more? Take a nap!
 
Q.Should I stop eating red meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A.You need to understand the logic of efficiency…What do cows eat? Grass and some other vegetables, so a steak is nothing but an efficient mechanism to put vegetables into your system. Do you need to eat grains? Eat chicken!

Q.Should I reduce alcohol intake?
A.No way! Alcohol is made of fruits. Beer is made of cereals. Of course you can drink!
 
Q. What are the advantages of a regular exercise program?
A.My philosophy is, if it doesn't hurt..it's fine.
 
Q.Chips and some other fried foods are bad for health?
A.You are not listening to me! Today's food is fried with vegetable oil. How a vegetable can be bad for you?
 
Q.What about chocolate?
A.Are you crazy? Another vegetable! It's good to be happy. And remember: Life it's not a journey to the grave with the intention to get there sound and safe, with an attractive and well preserved body. It's better to live this life, beer on one hand, chips on the other, a lot of sex and a body totally used and worn that screams: It totally  worth it! What a journey!
 
P.S.
If walking were healthy, mailmen would be immortal.
Whales swim all day and they're fat.
 
And remember:
Rabbits run and jump and they live 15 years, turtles do nothing and live like 450 years.

I need to get an appointment ASAP
#9 | 1293 days ago

Im going to attempt P90X.  We will see how long that lasts.  5-1 that i dont make it through January.
#10 | 1293 days ago

Jason_ wrote:
Im going to attempt P90X.  We will see how long that lasts.  5-1 that i dont make it through January.
as long as you can make it through week 1, you'll be ok.. even though you feel like you want to die and you think your body is falling apart at the beginning of week 2.. I'm doing it again starting next monday
#11 | 1293 days ago

ms_hippie_queen wrote:
I resolve to not total another car this year, but after four years in a row, my confidence is shot and I'm due to total my current saturn sometime in early september.
I have faith in you. I'm gonna set the over/under around Halloween. (I'm still taking the under, but it's the thought that counts this time of year.)
I plan on breaking not only mine but yours too  
#12 | 1293 days ago

The_Real_Stoney wrote:
as long as you can make it through week 1, you'll be ok.. even though you feel like you want to die and you think your body is falling apart at the beginning of week 2.. I'm doing it again starting next monday
Hey...do you have the pull-up bar?  Or do you use something else?  Cause im really not wanting to replace a door frame and i know ill f*ck some sh*t up if i try.
#13 | 1293 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
i will not go to Target as much.
See, that is an easy resolution for me.

I can just stop going to any store and save.
#14 | 1293 days ago

Jason_ wrote:
Hey...do you have the pull-up bar?  Or do you use something else?  Cause im really not wanting to replace a door frame and i know ill f*ck some sh*t up if i try.
my brother has the one they have on the beachbody website you can use in the door frame.  it works really well..
I have a big squat rack in my garage that has a pull up bar built in that I use
#15 | 1293 days ago

Try to quit smoking. But I hate quitters and can't stand to be around myself when I try. FAIL!
#16 | 1293 days ago

marcus_nyce wrote:
I have faith in you. I'm gonna set the over/under around Halloween. (I'm still taking the under, but it's the thought that counts this time of year.)
am I allowed to get in on this or is it too charlie hustle-esque?
#17 | 1293 days ago

I resolve to live another year.
Santa said Jason sat on his lap  
#18 | 1293 days ago

ms_hippie_queen wrote:
am I allowed to get in on this or is it too charlie hustle-esque?
depends, are you going to attempt alter destiny?
#19 | 1293 days ago

(Edited by The_Real_Stoney)
ms_hippie_queen wrote:
am I allowed to get in on this or is it too charlie hustle-esque?
I wanna allow it.. it adds that element of cautious optimism that 98% of the time ends in catastrophic failure
#20 | 1293 days ago

Resolutions concerning sports betting.  I've tried before, but I can't help it.  Sometimes I can't believe how dumb people can be, so I have to bet the line.  Usually happens around March Madness.

Also any resolutions regarding eating.  Like the post above, I can justify any food as healthy if I want it bad enough. 
#21 | 1293 days ago

Joe_L wrote:
depends, are you going to attempt alter destiny?
totally depends on the stakes
#22 | 1293 days ago

THIS YEAR? HUMMMMMMMMMMMMM MAYBE TO FIND A PARTNER FOR MY LIFE, MAYBE .-
Other because the above choices are lame  
#23 | 1293 days ago
Nick__ (+)

I will no longer do free lap dances for my female friends......poppa needs to get laid.. PAID!








Just kidding! I don't do dances of any kind 
Santa said Jason sat on his lap  
#24 | 1292 days ago

ms_hippie_queen wrote:
am I allowed to get in on this or is it too charlie hustle-esque?
1. i love me some Pete Rose (FREE PETE!!!!)
2. by all means
3. pound the under
I plan on breaking not only mine but yours too  
#25 | 1292 days ago

(Edited by ms_hippie_queen)
marcus_nyce wrote:
1. i love me some Pete Rose (FREE PETE!!!!)
2. by all means
3. pound the under
1. Definitely
2. Sweet, thanks! I'm takin the under
3. Already there
Secret #4. Shouldn't you be sh!tfaced and partying your ass o5f right now?
#26 | 1292 days ago

This year is going to be very different. All the other years I spent my money on booze and women. And wasted the rest.  I am not going to waste the rest anymore.
Other because the above choices are lame  
#27 | 1292 days ago
ssusiej46 (+)

Not quit  smoking but cut down , I hope
#28 | 1292 days ago

Nick__ wrote:
I will no longer do free lap dances for my female friends......poppa needs to get laid.. PAID!








Just kidding! I don't do dances of any kind 
 Can I ask why don't you dance at all lol ? 
#29 | 1292 days ago

I try not make any... I always fail.  Last year I said I would lose weight before Summer.... I did it, but it was not until  the end of summer before I did that.  ( Lost 40#) 

This Year I figured I just want to be happy and be with ppl that won't bring me down.  Live Life.... Because was always trying to make ppl happy, as long as I am happy F*ck the unhappy ones!!!!

I guess mine this year is to be happy and live life to the fullest.  Lets see if I can really do it....
#30 | 1292 days ago
Nick__ (+)

myrna_ventura wrote:
 Can I ask why don't you dance at all lol ? 
 White men can't dance!  I'll slow dance like a mutha-f'er though  
Santa said Jason sat on his lap  
#31 | 1292 days ago
Nick__ (+)

(Edited by Nick__)
myrna_ventura wrote:
 Can I ask why don't you dance at all lol ? 
DP!!!  WTF?!?!  I have NIKKI20-ITIS!
Santa said Jason sat on his lap  
#32 | 1291 days ago

Nick__ wrote:
 White men can't dance!  I'll slow dance like a mutha-f'er though  
sure they y'all can. they made a whole movie about it.
Santa said Jason sat on his lap  
#33 | 1273 days ago

Stop Sleeping with Married Women
I plan on breaking not only mine but yours too  

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