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Joke of the Day -- 01/23/11

Joke of the Day -- 01/23/11 Photo

Seriously -- would you quit drinking?
                     

| Closed on 01/25/11 at 08:00AM
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34.41. Joke of the Day -- 01/23/11

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#5 | 1377 days ago

52  
  
13 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1378 days ago

Pour me a double bartender!!!! QUICK!!!! 
49  
#2 | 1378 days ago

 We Do Things Differently Down South

Kentucky:
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help.

If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

You gotta love those Kentucky women.

Louisiana:
A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.

Tennessee:
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

North Carolina:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

 

#3 | 1377 days ago

  Lay your head down...you look sleepy.
#4 | 1377 days ago

Lemon Squeeze 

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

13  
#5 | 1377 days ago

52  
#6 | 1377 days ago

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you!"

 men can't live with them, and of course what fun would it be w/o them?
0  
#7 | 1376 days ago

What do you call a cannibal that eats his mom's sister?   an Aunteater
13  
#8 | 1375 days ago

God forbid the guy has a knee injury, but thats pretty funny none the less
13  
#9 | 1375 days ago

It's so nice to see that everyone who publicly criticized him so quickly --- have retracted and apologized just a quick .... the drunken morons can't keep their mouths shut, until they know they're wrongAnd I'm not a Bears or Cutler fan -- I'm stuck with the Billy Goats of Buffalo
69  
#10 | 1375 days ago

I know -- I read it somewhere   ....    and I agree with the trash talk, but what happened with Cutler wasn't trash talk -- it went way beyond that and I'll stop there, I don't want to get on a soap box
69  
#11 | 1375 days ago

I understand, but people thought he actually quit in the NFC Championship game? I believed he was hurt, now Todd Collins, he just sucked
13  
#12 | 1375 days ago
Nick__ (+)

SickPuppy wrote:
It's so nice to see that everyone who publicly criticized him so quickly --- have retracted and apologized just a quick .... the drunken morons can't keep their mouths shut, until they know they're wrongAnd I'm not a Bears or Cutler fan -- I'm stuck with the Billy Goats of Buffalo
 (sigh)
#13 | 1375 days ago
Nick__ (+)

(Edited by Nick__)

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