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12
Short Letters
Can you write a short one-liner addressed to another Q'uer, athlete, organization, whoever or whatever... (?)

Here's some examples that were emailed to me:

SHORT LETTERS

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Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely, Unicorns

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Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Ha! Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely, BP (British Petroleum)

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Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely, The Titanic

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Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

___

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin
___

Featured by: Jess at 5/06/11 3:47PM
| Closed on 07/31/11 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room, Games | Numeric Input Opinion Poll
Teams:  Jokes
12 Fans
Question
-82381. Short Letters

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#3 | 1216 days ago

(Edited by originalcrash78)
Dear Kim Kardashian,
     I hate you. You are not a celebrity. Your family had money, not you. And further more, if it wasn't for a sex tape and a Reality Show no one would even know who you were. I hate you!!
                                                                            
                                                                             Yours truly,
                                                                           Paris Hilton
P.S. Call me.
77  
  
59 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 1216 days ago

More short letters:
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Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely, United States

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Dear Mr. Gump

WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....

Sincerely, Jenny

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Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely, Every iPhone User

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Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

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Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely, Elephant

___

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely, Dr. Pepper

___

 Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely, Logic

#2 | 1216 days ago

Dear Osama,

Bigfoot has been and will always be the Hide-and-Seek champion.

Sincerely, America
#3 | 1216 days ago

(Edited by originalcrash78)
Dear Kim Kardashian,
     I hate you. You are not a celebrity. Your family had money, not you. And further more, if it wasn't for a sex tape and a Reality Show no one would even know who you were. I hate you!!
                                                                            
                                                                             Yours truly,
                                                                           Paris Hilton
P.S. Call me.
77  
#4 | 1216 days ago

Dear Osama,

Should have worn stripes.

Sincerely, 
Waldo
#5 | 1216 days ago

Dear Barry Bonds,

You're a terrible liar and everyone knows you were juicing.

Yours Truly,

Roger Clemens
#6 | 1216 days ago

 I don't have a letter...I'm just here to be nosy and read all of yours.
34  
#7 | 1216 days ago

Jess wrote:
 I don't have a letter...I'm just here to be nosy and read all of yours.
Dear Short Letters poll,

"Stalking" sounds so harsh.  It's just a deeply-set interest.

Love, 
Jess
#8 | 1216 days ago

Dear Dr. Seuss,

Thank you for Fn up scrambled eggs for me when I was a kid, over-easy is SOO much better!!  F you, I love you!!!

R.Fn. McWiggle
#9 | 1216 days ago

(Edited by RichyMcWiggleSr)
janet011685 wrote:
Dear Short Letters poll,

"Stalking" sounds so harsh.  It's just a deeply-set interest.

Love, 
Jess
Dear Janet,

You don't fool me, Jess's a** is much perkier!  Fekk-uffe!

Truly,
Short Letters Poll

[Editor's note:  This would've been funny if I'd logged out, like I planned to, BEFORE I hit 'Submit'.  Carry on.]
#10 | 1216 days ago

RichyMcWiggleSr wrote:
Dear Janet,

You don't fool me, Jess's a** is much perkier!  Fekk-uffe!

Truly,
Short Letters Poll

[Editor's note:  This would've been funny if I'd logged out, like I planned to, BEFORE I hit 'Submit'.  Carry on.]
Dear Wiggles,

I don't get it.  
I like it.  But I don't get it.

Heart you,
J
#11 | 1216 days ago

janet011685 wrote:
Dear Short Letters poll,

"Stalking" sounds so harsh.  It's just a deeply-set interest.

Love, 
Jess
 haha love it.

or 
Dear Short Letters Poll, 

It's not stalking, it's called "thorough research of an individual". 

Love, 
Jess
34  
#12 | 1216 days ago

Dear Men,
Just because you f*ck up and make us mad does not mean we're PMSing.
Sincerly,
The Women of the World
#13 | 1216 days ago
Nick__ (+)

Dear driver that was in front of me 10 minutes ago,

That thing on the left side of your steering wheel is called the TURN SIGNAL, USE IT!!!!!

PS - Douchebag!

Sincerely,
My right foot
66  
#14 | 1216 days ago

(Edited by kteacher)
Dear Kinders, 

People like us more!

Neeners, 
Teach's Second Graders

P.S. hmmmmmmm Pizza!
13  
#15 | 1216 days ago
NorseHeathen (+)

Dear Man-friends,
Put on Girl Scout uniforms, I want to make cookies.
Jeffrey Dahlmer
(via the Wednesday Addams cookbook)
#16 | 1216 days ago

Dear Flyers,

You LOST...it's been 36 years since your last Cup

Signed, New York Rangers
69  
#17 | 1215 days ago

 Dear Jersey Shore,

Italy really wants you to visit soon

love,
   The United States
#18 | 1215 days ago
John_Daly (+)

Dear Twitter,

Nice try.

Sincerely, mark Zuckerberg.

#19 | 1215 days ago
NorseHeathen (+)

eLa_MAe_O wrote:
Dear Men,
Just because you f*ck up and make us mad does not mean we're PMSing.
Sincerly,
The Women of the World
Is it your time of the month?
Just think, only another 40 years to deal with it.
Signed, insensitive men



(message forwarded via extortion tactics through a nice guy no-one would ever expect such a garbage statement to pass from their thoughts, let alone into a forum)
#20 | 1215 days ago

Did Janet do this poll a little while ago?

Dear Kurt,
I am going to punch you in the face for wasting a(n) hour and a half of my life.
With great Sincerity,

Ashlie
#21 | 1215 days ago

NorseHeathen wrote:
Is it your time of the month?
Just think, only another 40 years to deal with it.
Signed, insensitive men



(message forwarded via extortion tactics through a nice guy no-one would ever expect such a garbage statement to pass from their thoughts, let alone into a forum)
Dear extorted nice guy,
I was waiting for someone to respond like that and the answer is no, but thanks for your concern.
Signed,
You May Want To Run Now
#22 | 1215 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
Did Janet do this poll a little while ago?

Dear Kurt,
I am going to punch you in the face for wasting a(n) hour and a half of my life.
With great Sincerity,

Ashlie
Dear Ashlie,

You were NOT supposed to watch Airplane II......just the original AIRPLANE!

Signed,

All afficionados of the movie Airplane! (well...just Sid and me)
69  
#23 | 1214 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
Did Janet do this poll a little while ago?

Dear Kurt,
I am going to punch you in the face for wasting a(n) hour and a half of my life.
With great Sincerity,

Ashlie
Yes.  Good call.

Open Letters?  Something like that.  
Eh, whatever, that was a long time ago, it deserved to be revamped.
#24 | 1214 days ago

janet011685 wrote:
Yes.  Good call.

Open Letters?  Something like that.  
Eh, whatever, that was a long time ago, it deserved to be revamped.
I recycled my letter from your poll too. Not from "creativity issues" either I am going Q-green...
77  
#25 | 1214 days ago

originalcrash78 wrote:
I recycled my letter from your poll too. Not from "creativity issues" either I am going Q-green...
That's so progressive of you.  
New "energy-saving" comments.*





*not to be confused with a simple lack of effort/give-a-sh*t.  
#26 | 1214 days ago

icfeet wrote:
Dear Ashlie,

You were NOT supposed to watch Airplane II......just the original AIRPLANE!

Signed,

All afficionados of the movie Airplane! (well...just Sid and me)
Dear Kurt,

I would gouge your eyes out before I ever attempt to watch the second one, and I'm still mad at you for the first one.

Signed,

I don't wanna talk to you anymore.
#27 | 1214 days ago
NorseHeathen (+)

eLa_MAe_O wrote:
Dear extorted nice guy,
I was waiting for someone to respond like that and the answer is no, but thanks for your concern.
Signed,
You May Want To Run Now
Very well played....kudos to you!
#28 | 1214 days ago

Dear America,
You made Miley Cyrus, Beiber is your punishment. 
Sincerly,
Canada
#29 | 1214 days ago

eLa_MAe_O wrote:
Dear America,
You made Miley Cyrus, Beiber is your punishment. 
Sincerly,
Canada
Dear Canada, you contribute nothing, thanks for riding on America's coattails

Sincerly,

U.S.A
49  
#30 | 1214 days ago

Michael_G wrote:
Dear Canada, you contribute nothing, thanks for riding on America's coattails

Sincerly,

U.S.A
Dear Clownie, 

Canada gave us greats like ...  Celine Dion.  Bryan Adams.  Alanis Morissette.  

Never mind.  You're right.

Love, 
Trying to be an optimist.


#31 | 1212 days ago

Michael_G wrote:
Dear Canada, you contribute nothing, thanks for riding on America's coattails

Sincerly,

U.S.A
Dear USA,
I know for a fact that we invented snowmachines, zippers, insilun, basketball and the telephone.  Oh, and when you declare war on another country, we point it out to you on a map. 
Sincerly,
Coattails My Ass, Eh!
#32 | 1212 days ago

Dear 2011,

I thought by now you'd have time travel and flying cars.
Nice job on the backwards robes and rubber bracelets that look like animals.

Signed,

1951
#33 | 1212 days ago

I'm Saving Mine For When It Happends...I Don't Wanna Be Premature
17  
#34 | 1212 days ago

Dear bandwagon fans,

Switching teams after every playoff round is simply sad and a bit disgusting. Stop it.

Signed,

Everyone else
#35 | 1212 days ago

Dear NFL Owners,

F*CK YOU!

Mike
#36 | 1212 days ago

kobe_lova wrote:
Dear bandwagon fans,

Switching teams after every playoff round is simply sad and a bit disgusting. Stop it.

Signed,

Everyone else
Dear Laker Fans

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Sincerely,

Mike
#37 | 1212 days ago

Cactus_Jack wrote:
Dear Laker Fans

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Sincerely,

Mike
Dear Mike,

You are a Jerk!

Kat
#38 | 1212 days ago

Cali_Kat wrote:
Dear Mike,

You are a Jerk!

Kat
Does this mean no more bubble baths?
#39 | 1212 days ago

Cactus_Jack wrote:
Does this mean no more bubble baths?
Of course not!
#40 | 1212 days ago

Cali_Kat wrote:
Of course not!
sweet
#41 | 1212 days ago
18packabs (+)

Cali_Kat wrote:
Dear Mike,

You are a Jerk!

Kat
Comment of the Year.
#42 | 1212 days ago

Dear Mike,

People who are fans of the poster team for underachievement should just stfu. Good day sir!

Ashlie
#43 | 1212 days ago
18packabs (+)

Dear Dr. Spock,

Try having a F%$King KID.

Parents.
#44 | 1212 days ago

Cactus_Jack wrote:
Dear Laker Fans

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Sincerely,

Mike
Dear Mike,
Learn how to read, smart one.  SHORT LETTERS is the name of the poll, not long a$$ laugh. 
Sincerely,
Pretty Much Everyone Who Read It
#45 | 1212 days ago

eLa_MAe_O wrote:
Dear USA,
I know for a fact that we invented snowmachines, zippers, insilun, basketball and the telephone.  Oh, and when you declare war on another country, we point it out to you on a map. 
Sincerly,
Coattails My Ass, Eh!
Dear Canada,

Thanks for being the HAT of the United States.  You keep us warm.

Signed,
The United States
69  
#46 | 1212 days ago
John_Daly (+)

eLa_MAe_O wrote:
Dear USA,
I know for a fact that we invented snowmachines, zippers, insilun, basketball and the telephone.  Oh, and when you declare war on another country, we point it out to you on a map. 
Sincerly,
Coattails My Ass, Eh!
Dear Canada,

I know for a fact that we invented: The stop sign, Ferris Wheel, Radio, Hearing Aids, Air Conditioning, Air Planes, Bubble Gum, Sunglasses, Microwave, Traffic lights, Volleyball, Supermarkets, the light switch, candy corn, Tea Bags, The Blender, Electric blankets, Hamburgers, smoke detectors, the remote control....and thats only up until 1945.

Sincerely,

Its cute that you try. 

P.S.  We actually invented the zipper in 1891.
#47 | 1212 days ago
NorseHeathen (+)

Dear world,
Sweden may have invented early porn distribution, but America made it a "booming" industry by our "freedom of speech"--even if the main dialogue is one syllable, half words, and the "amourous" sounds such as "Oh, oh, oh, God" (could be the lyrics of a song), etc.  Thank you all, and stay horny!
Larry Flynn
#48 | 1212 days ago

Dear United States,

You should be nicer to our friendly neighbors to the north. They could kick our ass if they wanted to.

Sincerely,
Quit Being Jerks

34  
#49 | 1212 days ago

Jess wrote:
Dear United States,

You should be nicer to our friendly neighbors to the north. They could kick our ass if they wanted to.

Sincerely,
Quit Being Jerks

 Dear Jess,

Way to be peacemaker, but really? you think? 

Sincerely,
Not a Jerkcoaster
13  
#50 | 1212 days ago

kteacher wrote:
 Dear Jess,

Way to be peacemaker, but really? you think? 

Sincerely,
Not a Jerkcoaster
Dear KickassTeach Herself,

Have you ever been up there? They've got some big burley dudes. And you always have to watch out for the quiet ones.

Sincerely, 
Unfortunately Temporarily a Jerkcoaster
34  
#51 | 1212 days ago

Jess wrote:
Dear KickassTeach Herself,

Have you ever been up there? They've got some big burley dudes. And you always have to watch out for the quiet ones.

Sincerely, 
Unfortunately Temporarily a Jerkcoaster
 Dear Kickass Bot,

No, but I always thought we grew them bigger. No?

Sincerely, 
Still Not a Jerkcoaster
13  
#52 | 1212 days ago

Dear, Sharks Fans

Can You Feel That Momentum Shift?? Series Tied Up 3-3 Game 7 Thursday...Do You Think You'll Finally Close Out The Series?

Love, The Detroit Red Wings

17  
#53 | 1211 days ago

icfeet wrote:
Dear Canada,

Thanks for being the HAT of the United States.  You keep us warm.

Signed,
The United States
 Dear USA

If Canada is your "Hat," WTF? does that make us?

Signed 
Mexico
22  
#54 | 1211 days ago
NorseHeathen (+)

(Edited by NorseHeathen)
kteacher wrote:
 Dear Jess,

Way to be peacemaker, but really? you think? 

Sincerely,
Not a Jerkcoaster
Remember too, that these are termed Peacemaker:

               
#55 | 1211 days ago

Jess wrote:
Dear KickassTeach Herself,

Have you ever been up there? They've got some big burley dudes. And you always have to watch out for the quiet ones.

Sincerely, 
Unfortunately Temporarily a Jerkcoaster
Dear Woman,

You are extremely fortunate to live on this coast.

With a hardcore eyeroll,

Ugh
#56 | 1204 days ago

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain, no one wants to run with me either!

Sarah Palin
22  
#57 | 1204 days ago

Dear, Idiot That Cut Me Off This Morning

I Hope You Got A Reckless Driving Ticket.

From, HULL.
17  
#58 | 1204 days ago

John_Daly wrote:
Dear Canada,

I know for a fact that we invented: The stop sign, Ferris Wheel, Radio, Hearing Aids, Air Conditioning, Air Planes, Bubble Gum, Sunglasses, Microwave, Traffic lights, Volleyball, Supermarkets, the light switch, candy corn, Tea Bags, The Blender, Electric blankets, Hamburgers, smoke detectors, the remote control....and thats only up until 1945.

Sincerely,

Its cute that you try. 

P.S.  We actually invented the zipper in 1891.
Dear Rogs,

Hehe, you said "tea bags".

Hugs and a knee to the groin,
J
#59 | 1204 days ago

Dear Necromancers,

Please leave the dead alone.

Sincerely,
Raised Poll

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