Again with the sh*tty service.

No! Sh*tty service is what happens every time you open your mouth.

Ive never serviced you.

 I like it. It's like a nod to my overuse of ellipses. 

Buenos Dias, Sh*theads!

It has come to my attention that there are (unbelievably), certain persons in this world who may actually take these "news bulletins" seriously *smh*. With that being said, I add this caveat to today's news, in hopes that I can further annoy, incense, and infuriate the addleminded...

This news is kinda real, and kinda not.  It is intended to provide a moment of levity in a severely f*cked up world.  It is intended for the consumption of persons that really don't F'n get offended easily.  If you don't like my news, feel F'n free to skip it. 

1. In the great by gawd state of Texas, a mother has given birth to a 16 pound baby, which hospital workers have nicknamed "The Moose".  The proud parents have already filed a petition with the US Federal Courts to join the Anti trust lawsuit against the NFL.  Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell have responded, through their scumsucking, bottomfeeding, attorneys, stating that the NFLPA has already exceeded the maximum number of crying, whiny babies allowed under the old CBA.

2.  A California woman was arrested after she drugged her estranged husband, tied him to their bed, cut off his penis, and then ran the offending member through the garbage disposal.  I was gonna call this psycho woman a F'n Lorena Bobbit copycat, until I got to that part about the garbage disposal.  That was pure F'n genius.  I'm thinking that the next woman that wants to top this is going to have to go straight to the garbage disposal without cutting the d*ck off first.

3.  A small town in Neuevo Mejico (Columbus, if you actually care), has dissolved the entire police force due to widespread corruption and involvement in drug trafficking.   Ho...Leee...f*ck, are you serious?  A F'n dirty cop in a town that sits approximately 6 inches from the Mejicano border?  Unbelievable.  This sounds like some National Enquirer horse sh*t to me.  I aint buying it. 

That's all I feel like typing right now.  You never know when I'm gonna hafta come back and 'splain to somebody that this sh*t is all in fun, so I gotta save my energy.  You F'ers are now up to speed.

PS...Momarre Kcudaffphii is still alive.

 

oops I meant to post this  (but we'll just keep this up...he's so pretty)

 Have you ever noticed that the amount of effort put into filter, directly reflects in the amount of effort people put into their filter post. 

 Carne Asada Fries or Ham and Cheese Sandwich for lunch?

 Carne Asada Fries or Ham and Cheese Sandwich for lunch?

What a silly question.  Both.


(Or if you insist on picking ONE, I go with option A.)

Can you make a poll that's NOT super stupid?

oh i've got something. this beard guy on the giants. anyone know he used to be hot without that huge muff on his face?

 

i mean. he kinda looks like a blink 182 or something, but definitely hot. i never gave him a look until he was running to the mound in last night's game and all i could think was g*dd*mn that boy has a tight little ass and how i'd love his balls painting my strike zone. from behind almost makes me forget about the beard. i still think he's pretty much full of sh!t. there's just no such thing as a "tough guy" who plays major league baseball.

i would like to make babies with him. but i insist on being taken from behind, because i do not want to smell that beard. now that i think about it any kind of rhythmic, aggravated motion may cause the lumberjacks and ninjas and may-pole dancers to fall out of that thing. i am having second thoughts on this.

but he really does have a breathtaking hiney. i mean that thing is good.

*5 minutes*

k. anyway. so today. bootcamp day two. kill me now.

Thank you......I haven't laughed in 4 days.

oh i've got something. this beard guy on the giants. anyone know he used to be hot without that huge muff on his face?

 

i mean. he kinda looks like a blink 182 or something, but definitely hot. i never gave him a look until he was running to the mound in last night's game and all i could think was g*dd*mn that boy has a tight little ass and how i'd love his balls painting my strike zone. from behind almost makes me forget about the beard. i still think he's pretty much full of sh!t. there's just no such thing as a "tough guy" who plays major league baseball.

i would like to make babies with him. but i insist on being taken from behind, because i do not want to smell that beard. now that i think about it any kind of rhythmic, aggravated motion may cause the lumberjacks and ninjas and may-pole dancers to fall out of that thing. i am having second thoughts on this.

but he really does have a breathtaking hiney. i mean that thing is good.

*5 minutes*

k. anyway. so today. bootcamp day two. kill me now.

Well, since you asked so nicely...




(But no, probably not.  All of my polls are super stupid.  Maybe a deathmatch poll.)

No, YOUR polls are gold! It's certain others I was referring too.

LMAO! Yours are awesome too!

You need to watch your language, sir.

Oh, I had a dream. Joe and Kat were in it. Maybe a few honorable mentions. Apparently, I was in a romantic comedy (the ashton kutcher kind) but didnt realize it until it was happening. Strange times.

Oh, I had a dream. Joe and Kat were in it. Maybe a few honorable mentions. Apparently, I was in a romantic comedy (the ashton kutcher kind) but didnt realize it until it was happening. Strange times.

Per my Doc: "Reduce the inflammation and pain associated with a herniated disk--and prevent further injury--by switching to a high-fiber, low-fat, plant-based diet. Avoid animal products, including meat and dairy, until you have fully recovered. Animal proteins are associated with increased pain and inflammation in patients who suffer from inflammatory conditions..."

#FML Now I'm a giimpy vegan. Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger my @zz! Nietzsche was an a-hole... and so was his dog.

Was it dirty?

5 hours 52 minutes 10 seconds.

No, but I'm sure it would've gotten there had I not gotten up. lol

 These are good.

Yesterday I remembered why it's pointless to engage with jerkholes who get their jollies on by acting tough on the internet. I apologize for wasting everyone's time.

4 hours 11 minutes 22 seconds.

what about now?

I miss dance so much. The only local instructor isn't really what I'm looking for, her only classes are Thursdays at 4:00, and she doesn't allow children to sit in and watch. I realize my daughter is 9 years old and I can actually understand the instructor's reasoning for it (not every child is quiet and well behaved), but this just doesn't work for me. I refuse to leave my child by herself for 2 hours every week.

The Pacific Northwest is a bellydance mecca - it's all over the place there. Don't like one instructor? Go to another one - they're all over. There are workshops and meet-ups (there are here too, but mostly on the mainland 3 hours away), and all sorts of stuff going on. I realize I can shimmy by myself (and I do), but it's just not the same.

Anyway, I'm just feeling a little homesick and whiny. I've been surfing youtube, and have a few vids to share of my favorite dancers. Enjoy:
Circus Tribal
The Bijou Project
Zoe Jakes
Rachel Brice
Maia Alexandra

Sup Qholes?

I have nothing, other than Happy Birthday Becky! July Birthdays are the best.

oh.. Ash, I'm pretty sure I'm not the Joe in your dream. It it were me, it would have been dirty from start to finish.

Jesus..take a shower then, d*ckstank.

jealousy will get you nowhere.

Im not jealous...i have your mom.

You got me there. I was going to say you don't have much, but that's a lot.

Keep her, as matter of fact in about 3 hour 44 minutes and 13 seconds come get her and move her in with you.

oh i've got something. this beard guy on the giants. anyone know he used to be hot without that huge muff on his face?

 

i mean. he kinda looks like a blink 182 or something, but definitely hot. i never gave him a look until he was running to the mound in last night's game and all i could think was g*dd*mn that boy has a tight little ass and how i'd love his balls painting my strike zone. from behind almost makes me forget about the beard. i still think he's pretty much full of sh!t. there's just no such thing as a "tough guy" who plays major league baseball.

i would like to make babies with him. but i insist on being taken from behind, because i do not want to smell that beard. now that i think about it any kind of rhythmic, aggravated motion may cause the lumberjacks and ninjas and may-pole dancers to fall out of that thing. i am having second thoughts on this.

but he really does have a breathtaking hiney. i mean that thing is good.

*5 minutes*

k. anyway. so today. bootcamp day two. kill me now.

Can i use her as a sleeper sofa while we're there?

Do whatever you want, just keep it to yourself.

No..im sending you pictures via text.

I need to quit eating Mexican food and Vietnamese food before I go to bed.  I end up dreaming about Bobby Flay and big ass flowers that turn into curtains when they die and U2 concerts on farms like woodstock, except they're just for me and Bobby Flay.  And kids getting kidnapped in Florida and put into igloos on a beach in Florida.

29.5 hours until Harry Potter.

This is me without a beard......

I have dreams like that, only its me and Paula Dean, two tubs of butter flavored Crisco, and a Nelly concert.

Weird.

Yesterday I remembered why it's pointless to engage with jerkholes who get their jollies on by acting tough on the internet. I apologize for wasting everyone's time.

Good day, bitches.  

Netflix can suck my d*ck.  I'm not paying $16/month for a half-assed selection of streaming movies and ONE dvd at a time.  Apparently I'm not the only one pissed.  

I still hate America's Got Talent (Howie Mandel is judging who's talented  ).

I'm a little over 600 pages into The Stand.  I like it, but dear God, it's daunting to see I'm on page 6-something and just BARELY over 50% through.  

Peace b*tches!

I miss dance so much. The only local instructor isn't really what I'm looking for, her only classes are Thursdays at 4:00, and she doesn't allow children to sit in and watch. I realize my daughter is 9 years old and I can actually understand the instructor's reasoning for it (not every child is quiet and well behaved), but this just doesn't work for me. I refuse to leave my child by herself for 2 hours every week.

The Pacific Northwest is a bellydance mecca - it's all over the place there. Don't like one instructor? Go to another one - they're all over. There are workshops and meet-ups (there are here too, but mostly on the mainland 3 hours away), and all sorts of stuff going on. I realize I can shimmy by myself (and I do), but it's just not the same.

Anyway, I'm just feeling a little homesick and whiny. I've been surfing youtube, and have a few vids to share of my favorite dancers. Enjoy:
Circus Tribal
The Bijou Project
Zoe Jakes
Rachel Brice
Maia Alexandra

I went to sleep waiting for the days FE last night.

Happy Birthday Becky!!! hard to believe a year has come and gone!!! hope it has been a most excellent day for you!
    Hello to everyone else.hope life has been treating all well..been a few weeks,but am here now,so that is  good. Everyone enjoying summer?  look foward to reading and catching up on the threads!!!  blessings to all!

Sup Qholes?

I have nothing, other than Happy Birthday Becky! July Birthdays are the best.

oh.. Ash, I'm pretty sure I'm not the Joe in your dream. It it were me, it would have been dirty from start to finish.