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Bad Jokes
We've all heard bad jokes.  I personally love them, but I could see why some people find them lame.  Anyhoo, what are some you've heard?

Here are a few.

Q) What does a nosy pepper do?

A) It get jalapeno business.


Q) What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she gave him a handmade sweater for Xmas?

A) Gee, you knit?

Q) What are Super Mario's overalls made of?

A) Denim denim denim


Q) How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

A) It's a very obscure number, you've probably never heard of it. 


| Closed on 01/12/12 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room | Numeric Input Opinion Poll
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Question
-6850.6431. Bad Jokes

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#2 | 962 days ago

(Edited by ms_hippie_queen)

why was six afraid of seven?
it wasn't. numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

how do you confuse a blonde?
paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

there's an irishman, a homosexual and a jew standing outside of a bar....what a fine example of an integrated community.

a horse walked into a bar. several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

a duck walks into a bar. animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.

two cows are in a field. suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. one cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

why did grandpa climb the phone pole with bananas in a backpack?
he has a debilitating disease. he is slowly losing touch with reality.

how many dead babies can you fit in a car?
37 1/2

michael j fox likes his martinis shaken because they taste better that way.

i have peed, cried and farted. i am very dehydrated. www.anti-joke.com

  
46 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 962 days ago

Herman Cain
#2 | 962 days ago

(Edited by ms_hippie_queen)

why was six afraid of seven?
it wasn't. numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

how do you confuse a blonde?
paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

there's an irishman, a homosexual and a jew standing outside of a bar....what a fine example of an integrated community.

a horse walked into a bar. several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

a duck walks into a bar. animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.

two cows are in a field. suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. one cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

why did grandpa climb the phone pole with bananas in a backpack?
he has a debilitating disease. he is slowly losing touch with reality.

how many dead babies can you fit in a car?
37 1/2

michael j fox likes his martinis shaken because they taste better that way.

i have peed, cried and farted. i am very dehydrated. www.anti-joke.com

#3 | 962 days ago

Six was afraid of seven, because seven eight nine.
Ba dum bump
#4 | 962 days ago

 2 guys walk into a bar.

The 3rd guy ducks.
#5 | 962 days ago

 Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
756  
#6 | 962 days ago

Lobotomy Jones wrote:
 2 guys walk into a bar.

The 3rd guy ducks.
LOL props to the 3rd guy.
#7 | 962 days ago
Nick__ (+)

(Edited by Nick__)
 90% of what comes from me!  

1)  If you're Italian in the Kitchen and French in the bedroom, what are you in the bathroom?
      European


2) What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Rhino?
     Elephino

3) Why did the stoner cross the road?
     Who else is going to follow a chicken?

4) What do you call someone who smokes up at 4:21pm every day?
     A chronically late person   
23  
#8 | 962 days ago

Nick__ wrote:
 90% of what comes from me!  

1)  If you're Italian in the Kitchen and French in the bedroom, what are you in the bathroom?
      European


2) What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Rhino?
     Elephino

3) Why did the stoner cross the road?
     Who else is going to follow a chicken?

4) What do you call someone who smokes up at 4:21pm every day?
     A chronically late person   
the last one made me snort.
#9 | 962 days ago

Lobotomy Jones wrote:
 2 guys walk into a bar.

The 3rd guy ducks.
I love that one, LMAO!, plus this:

555  
#10 | 962 days ago

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
#11 | 962 days ago

a baby seal walks into a club...

an Asian couple walks (woks) a dog...
69  
#12 | 962 days ago

Why did the skittle go to school?

He wanted to be a smartie!
#13 | 961 days ago

2 frogs are in a bath tub, one frog says to the other frog, "Hey can you pass me the soap:?  He says, "what do you think I am, a Typewriter?"

1223  
#14 | 961 days ago

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?    Poker face
1223  
#15 | 961 days ago

What did the mom Buffalo say when her son left for college?  BYE_SON
1223  
#16 | 961 days ago

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?  Wipes his butt
1223  
#17 | 961 days ago

 How can you preserve eggs?   Hang them.  


#18 | 961 days ago

What does a pervert frog say? Rubbit
#19 | 961 days ago

Why did the baker rob the bank?   he need the DOUGH!


What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
He pasta way.

Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!


 

54  
#20 | 961 days ago

Why did the ladies love Jesus?


Because...
22  
#21 | 961 days ago

What's stucco ?

what happens when you step in bubblegummo
67  
#22 | 961 days ago

This is actually a good one, but here goes...
    A preacher's kid was misbehaving in school and when he was told about it by the child's teacher the man punished him by saying he couldn't go to the church's Sunday Picnic.
     As things would have it, when time for the picnic rolled around, he changed his mind. So he called his son in and gave him the news. When he heard it the boy look sad & downtrodden. "I thought the it would make you happy, son", he said. The boy told the preacher, "It's too late dad, I've already prayed for rain."
#23 | 961 days ago

What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?


" I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

311  
#24 | 960 days ago

Okay, here's a bad one...
In the coldest corner of Siberia,  Rudolph, a retired Russian soldier lived in a humble cottage with his wife Olga. The years were starting to catch up with the old man and his senility was setting in, but his wife loved him and always stood by him.
On Christmas Eve,  Olga heard that a massive blizzard was going to blow through so they had to prepare their little hose for the snow & winds to come. As they were working outside the old man Felt a snowflake on his face and said, " I think the rain is coming soon, my dear." "Rudolph, that is snow" she replied. "No Olga, it is rain"...the old man exclaimed. "It is 20 degrees below zero my love, IT HAS TO BE SNOW!" Then he told his wife...*prepare rim shot*..."RUDOLPH  "THE RED" KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"
(toldja it was bad)
#25 | 960 days ago

What Is The Speed Limit For Sex?

68 MPH, Because Once You Reach 69, You Will Have To Turn Around.
311  
#26 | 959 days ago
Sharp Square (sid) profile photo

(Edited by Sharp Square)


#27 | 959 days ago

 A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
#28 | 959 days ago

  There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
#29 | 959 days ago

What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet
What kind of bird can write? A Pen-guin
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low elf-esteem.
67  
#30 | 959 days ago
unopescatore (+)

the ones that are told to me...I dare not post.
#31 | 959 days ago

JenX63 wrote:
What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet
What kind of bird can write? A Pen-guin
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low elf-esteem.
why is turtle wax soooooooooooo expensive?they have such itty bitty ears
#32 | 958 days ago

what do you call a blonde donkey?  a Dumb a$$
1223  
#33 | 958 days ago

Has a Lot Of Balls And Screws Old Women?


Wait For It...


Bingo.
311  
#34 | 958 days ago


   What's the difference between bird-flu and swine-flu?
    If you have bird-flu you need tweetment. If you have swine-flu you need oinkment

  What did the green grape say to the purple grape??
  BREATHE IDIOT, BREATHE!!

   What do you say when the dog runs away??
   Dog-gone!

   What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
   Pardon me, so sorry, I didn't do it on porpoise

  Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," The bartender says roughly and throws him out
   The second string ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.
   "Yeah", the string says.
"Aren't you a string?" the bartender asks
  "I'm a frayed knot," replies the string




49  
#35 | 958 days ago

(Edited by AngelicRoxie)
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!!!


How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way...unique up on it!!!
#36 | 958 days ago

Did you hear that they are moving cedar point?




They want to keep the kids away from Sandusky!
#37 | 958 days ago

 I gave it a 10 because they really ARE bad jokes...so if that was what you were going for...you win! lol. 
10  
#38 | 958 days ago

originalcrash78 wrote:
Okay, here's a bad one...
In the coldest corner of Siberia,  Rudolph, a retired Russian soldier lived in a humble cottage with his wife Olga. The years were starting to catch up with the old man and his senility was setting in, but his wife loved him and always stood by him.
On Christmas Eve,  Olga heard that a massive blizzard was going to blow through so they had to prepare their little hose for the snow & winds to come. As they were working outside the old man Felt a snowflake on his face and said, " I think the rain is coming soon, my dear." "Rudolph, that is snow" she replied. "No Olga, it is rain"...the old man exclaimed. "It is 20 degrees below zero my love, IT HAS TO BE SNOW!" Then he told his wife...*prepare rim shot*..."RUDOLPH  "THE RED" KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"
(toldja it was bad)
No one ever talks about Rudolph's brother, Adolph the brown nose reindeer. He's the one who couldn't stop so he was fired. Everyone thought Cupid had the best aim....damn.
That one was bad too!!!!!!
#39 | 958 days ago

originalcrash78 wrote:
Okay, here's a bad one...
In the coldest corner of Siberia,  Rudolph, a retired Russian soldier lived in a humble cottage with his wife Olga. The years were starting to catch up with the old man and his senility was setting in, but his wife loved him and always stood by him.
On Christmas Eve,  Olga heard that a massive blizzard was going to blow through so they had to prepare their little hose for the snow & winds to come. As they were working outside the old man Felt a snowflake on his face and said, " I think the rain is coming soon, my dear." "Rudolph, that is snow" she replied. "No Olga, it is rain"...the old man exclaimed. "It is 20 degrees below zero my love, IT HAS TO BE SNOW!" Then he told his wife...*prepare rim shot*..."RUDOLPH  "THE RED" KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"
(toldja it was bad)
No one ever talks about Rudolph's brother, Adolph the brown nose reindeer. He's the one who couldn't stop so he was fired. Everyone thought Cupid had the best aim....damn.
That one was bad too!!!!!!
#40 | 958 days ago

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frosrbite
What do you call a cat on the beach at christmas? Sandy claus
What do snowman eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
Why does santa go down the chimney christmas eve? Because it soots him.
67  
#41 | 958 days ago

Dream_Machine wrote:
Has a Lot Of Balls And Screws Old Women?


Wait For It...


Bingo.
ha ha
#42 | 958 days ago

JenX63 wrote:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frosrbite
What do you call a cat on the beach at christmas? Sandy claus
What do snowman eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
Why does santa go down the chimney christmas eve? Because it soots him.
those are great ha ha
#43 | 956 days ago

ed7496 wrote:
No one ever talks about Rudolph's brother, Adolph the brown nose reindeer. He's the one who couldn't stop so he was fired. Everyone thought Cupid had the best aim....damn.
That one was bad too!!!!!!
 That's just terrible! lol.
10  
#44 | 956 days ago

Lobotomy Jones wrote:
 2 guys walk into a bar.

The 3rd guy ducks.
 That one actually made me laugh! Thank you!!! ;) 
10  
#45 | 956 days ago

woody050681 wrote:
 Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
 I told that joke YEARS ago!!! lol...thanks, Woody!
10  
#46 | 956 days ago

 What do you call a quickie in the snow???


A coolie!
10  

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