There once was an old, decrepit man in a land far, far away...

   This man was well past retirement age but wouldnt...couldnt...give up his job as a prison guard.  Everyone knew why he was still hanging around.  No...it wasn't for the money or the camaraderie.  It wasnt for the insurance or the feeling of self esteem.  It was because this man had fallen in love with the grizzly bear of a man in cell block 4a.  Some say it was love at first toss.

   This man was well past retirement age but wouldnt...couldnt...give up his job as a prison guard.  Everyone knew why he was still hanging around.  No...it wasn't for the money or the camaraderie.  It wasnt for the insurance or the feeling of self esteem.  It was because this man had fallen in love with the grizzly bear of a man in cell block 4a.  Some say it was love at first toss.

But alas, his feelings were tossed because Grizzly Dude had a thing the Cafeteria Guy, who wore a net and this sweeet azz french maid's aporn that was frilled on the bottom...anywhoooo, Prison Guard went to woo his heart's interest at First Chow, when suddenly...

his former flame, Jason bumped into him on the street corner. Old Mike's eyes lit up...

and his pants became tighter in the crotch.  So, he turned...............

Mine was better. 

   This man was well past retirement age but wouldnt...couldnt...give up his job as a prison guard.  Everyone knew why he was still hanging around.  No...it wasn't for the money or the camaraderie.  It wasnt for the insurance or the feeling of self esteem.  It was because this man had fallen in love with the grizzly bear of a man in cell block 4a.  Some say it was love at first toss.

and ran to to the local WalMart, where he saw Pam, the 6'6" Tranny with the 45" vertical jump and nails that rival Pam Grier...he explained his dilemma and asked for advice.

Pam, always one to give help to friends like she likes to throwdown two-handed tomahawk dunks on unsuspecting college girls' teams, led him by the hand over to the clothes section and...

Found some clothes to make him look pretty! After that he went to.....

Found some clothes to make him look pretty! After that he went to.....

find Jason... the only person who could possibly help take his mind off of that cheating sonofab**ch from CB 4a.   Mike was all but giddy as he walked down the street sporting the latest Walmart fashions.  Christ, he thought...these Wranglers make my ass look smoking...take that Favre. 

  Heading back down the block to where he first bumped into Jason on the street corner he spied what he thought were two convicts from the mental ward of the prison.   "Holy sh**!" he exclaimed.    He tried to take off running as fast as his brittle elderly legs would carry him but the moose knuckle produced from the "3 sizes too small" wranglers he was wearing reduced his gait to what could only be described as what you might see watching a severely retarded person trying hopscotch for the first time.

It was April 26th, 1992,
there was a riot on the streets,
tell me where were you?
You were sittin' home watchin' your TV,
while he was paticipatin' in some anarchy.

First spot they hit it was the liqour store.
They finally got.........

Chili Cheese fritos that they couldnt afford. With red lights flashing they had to retire so they turned that liquor store into a Bed Bath and beyond, next spot they hit was the music shop...

to pick up a record from their favorite band, The Village People. On their way home they stopped by their favorite....

gay bar, so that they can do the moves that they practiced while listening to the Village People. Jason and Mike were hit on by these......

squeaky inflatable hammers wielded by little people. jason bent over and kissed the fatter one on the forehead and mike...

tossed the remaining little people across the bar in a jealous rage.  All the while, crying out

" I wish kat was here to see this but shes afraid of migets!!"   After they were kicked out of the bar, they decided to go to...

"Whales Vagina" to visit their old friend Rogs! When they got there they found him....

filmed Rogs and ILENE doing the nasty,  and quickly uploaded the video to...

(what are you talking about? it's a part of the story still... :| )

It was April 26th, 1992,
there was a riot on the streets,
tell me where were you?
You were sittin' home watchin' your TV,
while he was paticipatin' in some anarchy.

First spot they hit it was the liqour store.
They finally got.........

Be nice now, you know it's part of the (whispering) dementia setting in.

See by post #26 she has snapped back into reality with us.

What not to do in bed. com.  Where it quickly became....

What not to do in bed. com.  Where it quickly became....

(to follow mojo jojo's)

Old Mike called his other former flame, Kevin to see if he had seen it. Kevin answered the phone and said...

something about the cure for cancer, but it was drowned out by the sound of sizzling bacon in the background. he'd clearly been weeping and when he pulled his s**t together he said, "i saw the video of rogs and sweet ilene. can you toss him away mike...?"

Got furious at Mike for trying to start a threesome and grabbed Mike and gave him a Tombstone Pile Driver!.  Kevin wanted.......

to do a pile driver because he looks just like The Undertaker who is his wrestling hero. Unfortunately, kevin did the pile driver incorrectly and broke mikes neck. Once kevin realized that he had just broken mikes neck, he...

quickly ran to the phone and called Dominoes pizza and ordered...

the little roman cartoon dude from Little Cesar's to come over with an order of crazy bread....Kevin was soo distraught that he didn't realize that he just confused Little Cesars for Domino's, so he put on some music, it was BLUEBERRY HILL by FATS DOMINO........this made Kevin...........

Want to buy the Chicago Cubs so he could move them to Rat's Anus, Nebraska and rename them the "Rat's Anus Enemas", so we wouldn't have to listen to those delusional Cub fans b**itch and moan about goats, Bartman or how many years ago 1906 was. But before leaving for chicago Kevin picked up Mike's poor broken necked old body and carried him to....

Cooperstown where they found out that the Cubs actually won their last WS in 1908. After that, it was off to ...................

Louisvlle to see where they make Baseball Bats.  Kevin got hungry again even though mike was writhing in pain from his broken neck. Kevin told him to shut up for a second because he thought he smelled bacon in the air. Kevin followed the bacon smell and ended up at....

Christi's house because she was making bacon-wrapped fried Twinkies for all the ghosts she brought home from Waverly Hills.  As they came in, Kevin slammed the door on Mike's fingers...

... so now they had to deal with three problems:

a) a broken neck
b) four broken fingers and ...
c) a broken heart because of that jealous episode in the bar.

Jason and Kevin looked each other trying to figure out where would they find a doctor that could fix all those problems, finally Jason had this brilliant idea, they'd call...

Ghostbusters.

When the Ghostbusters got there, Kevin jumped in the Ectomobile, strapped on a slime blower, and told Christi to grab some bacon fried twinkies and get everyone to get their asses in gear.    They went to the

began studying Scientology and practicing yoga.   He used his pension from the State of New Mexico, retrofitted
a Volkwagon bus for "special" people and.......

began studying Scientology and practicing yoga.   He used his pension from the State of New Mexico, retrofitted
a Volkwagon bus for "special" people and.......

went to see Madonna for some special yoga tips, he wanted his own video doing Marichyasana and some other diffiucult postures he had mastered while his recovering. As the three of them were entering to the room, wearing linen white robes and golden sandals they...

all looked at Jason and said "WTF,  now baby jesus is definitely crying."

Jason started laughing soo hard that he ......................

didn't realize Christi was sneaking out of the room with a bowl of fresh hot wax.  Otherwise, he would have known Anthony Davis was making sammiches in Madonna's kitchen.  When he realized she was gone, he yelled, "Go**ammit, bitch, get back here!"  Then... 

he and Mike ran after her. Mike wasn't paying attention, and as they both tried to dash through the door at the same time, he slammed into the side of the door frame! BAM! Blood quickly started to freely run down his face. At the sight of it, he fainted. Idiot now has a fractured skull. Kevin...

.....BAM!,....Thud. Janet had kicked the door open, but it ricocheted off of the shelf behind it and slammed into her forehead. "Sh**, why does that always happen to me?" she asked out loud. "That will be $500.00." Holy Mike said as he sat there looking like Bernie Lomax.

Janet stormed across the room and told Mike she was not going to pay since she had not asked him a question. Mike told her he would waive the 500.00 fee if she would show him and the guys her boobies. Jason and Kevin were besides themselves in anticipation as she smiled and asked them to stand up, then as fast as lightening she kicked both of them in the cajones and throat punched  mike, then turned and wa;lked towards the door calling them a**holes and .........

....After the puking and crying and rolling around on the ground was over with Jason and The Kev decided to sit down with Mike and explain to him simple economics.  No boobs were worth 500 dollars.  For that much money they could have gone to the local strip club and looked at 500 sets of boobs.  Mike needed a calculator to do the math...but after a while he realized they were right.   

The guys, after no customers came to receive glorious enlightenment, decided to call it a day and head home.   On the way out to their cars before the goodbyes could be said...The Kev turned around with a look of shame on his face and blurted out..."Guys, Im sorry, but im pregnant and i dont know who the father is." 

Jason and Mike exchanged puzzled looks.   Jason immediately started to do the math in his head comparing the possible conception date vs their last night of bromance.   Mike started spinning around in slow circles humming the theme song to Titanic occasionally mumbling "Mike Jr.!" ...."Mike Jr!" 

After a few hours of this the three of them all settled on moving in together and contacting Bravo to do a reality show titled "3 Men and a Little Tardo". 

....After the puking and crying and rolling around on the ground was over with Jason and The Kev decided to sit down with Mike and explain to him simple economics.  No boobs were worth 500 dollars.  For that much money they could have gone to the local strip club and looked at 500 sets of boobs.  Mike needed a calculator to do the math...but after a while he realized they were right.   

The guys, after no customers came to receive glorious enlightenment, decided to call it a day and head home.   On the way out to their cars before the goodbyes could be said...The Kev turned around with a look of shame on his face and blurted out..."Guys, Im sorry, but im pregnant and i dont know who the father is." 

Jason and Mike exchanged puzzled looks.   Jason immediately started to do the math in his head comparing the possible conception date vs their last night of bromance.   Mike started spinning around in slow circles humming the theme song to Titanic occasionally mumbling "Mike Jr.!" ...."Mike Jr!" 

After a few hours of this the three of them all settled on moving in together and contacting Bravo to do a reality show titled "3 Men and a Little Tardo". 

While they were waiting for Bravo to call and thinking on the actors that could play their roles, they had written, Kevin- Lorenzo Lamas, Jason-Brad Pitt, MIke - Robert De Niro, but the list was just starting, then Jason got into a sort of introspection period and did some math in his head, what he found out was disturbing, Mike couldn't be the baby's father, since he was more than 2010 years old, his spermatozoids were more like spermatosaurus and definitely the father couldn't be other than...

Anthony Davis because the ultrasound revealed a unibrow.  Christi sat in the corner with a blank expression on her face, eating a bacon fried twinkie and bemoaning the fact that The Unibrow had reproduced.  Would she EVER be able to step away from the hot wax?  Now, more than ever, the unibrow had to go before he had the chance to reproduce again.  Christi ran full speed ahead, hot wax and ectoplasm in tow.  Meanwhile, gigantic dollar signs appeared in Jason's eyes as soon as he realized his baby daddy was NBA bound.  With great determination, he ran after Christi so he could stop her from stealing his baby daddy's mojo.  But just as he caught up to her...

Christi threw the hot wax onto Jason and now his face is completely hair-less!




Jason, at first was completely irate and Kevin and Mike were rolling on the floor laughing......after a few minutes, Jason actually though that this was a good look for him, so he ................

Maybe we could put it up for sale in the short story section on Kindle or the nook  thing and make millions and live happily ever after.

Thanks, Violet...as always!

I'm just reading this and kevin is correct. The holes are ridiculous, yet funny. The second and third paragraphs were kinda hard to follow. There are random lyrics. Kevin somehow goes from talking to Mike on the phone to pile driving him in person. LOL. Christi puts herself in the story...... and then randomly puts herself back in the story at the end. I obviously didnt even read her lines because she puts Kevin in the ectomobile yet I put him in her panty drawer (and I did something similar about 2 more times). We are writing our story but not so big on the reading it seems. lol. But I enjoyed most of it, esp the stuff after Mike goes to rehab.

Ohhhh

Lets start another one...this time between a Monkeyboy and a short-legged trapeze artist in a traveling circus near Cleveland!!

How about a snipety Sista in the ATL who likes to take shots at unsuspecting male victims in random wacky polls???

We can call it the Lova Lines

Awww yeah...

Thanks, Violet...as always!

I'm just reading this and kevin is correct. The holes are ridiculous, yet funny. The second and third paragraphs were kinda hard to follow. There are random lyrics. Kevin somehow goes from talking to Mike on the phone to pile driving him in person. LOL. Christi puts herself in the story...... and then randomly puts herself back in the story at the end. I obviously didnt even read her lines because she puts Kevin in the ectomobile yet I put him in her panty drawer (and I did something similar about 2 more times). We are writing our story but not so big on the reading it seems. lol. But I enjoyed most of it, esp the stuff after Mike goes to rehab.