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I need feed back (Edited 08/08/12 11:46AM by SusanVette)

okay fellow iquers there is a reason why I am writing this poll.....Lets suppose that you just found out today that you were adopted at birth your birth parents gave you up and you have been with the couple you have called mom and dad your whole life.You love them and get along great ,but my question is do you think you would be curious who your birth parents were and would think you would want to find them.My daughter has a friend that is going through this very thing ask me for some advice and to be honest don't know if I could give sound advice,I wanted to say don't try to find them and leave well enough alone,so if you answer this tell all your friends and people who you follow to give me some feed back thanks ahead of time

| Closed on 11/08/12 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room, Relationships | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll

17 Fans
18%	a. I do this
18%	b. I do that
24%	c. Been there done that
0%	d. I would if they were rich
41%	e. other

	&nbp;
TOP COMMENT
#4 \| 418 days ago SickPuppy (+)	My father left when I was 7 and I was adopted at age 10 ... I tried contacting my father several times ... met him for the first time at 15 again ... never knew it was him until my pissed off step father told me later on. I met him again at age 25 and talked a little bit to him. I have no interest in trying to find where he is, what he's done, how he feels or anything. The only time he tried to find me was when I was 15 and that was, as I was told - to work for him with gambling and drugs. Mind you, this is back the early 60's ... something you didn't hear too much about at that time. I look at it as, if they walked away once -- they will walk away again. There's rarely that much regret to change the natural parents mind. I do that
	10 Was this comment...?


21 Comments \| Sorted by Most Recent First \| Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 \| 418 days ago Kritha (+)	I WOULD TRY TO FIND THEM
	1 Was this comment...?
#2 \| 418 days ago derms33 (+)	I'D be pretty angry with those folks that raised me...always saying I brought u in and I can take you out...would all be LIES!! I do this
	3 Was this comment...? (1) (2)
#3 \| 418 days ago jswol54 (+)	This guy can give you great advice, Captain.
	3 Was this comment...? (1)
#4 \| 418 days ago SickPuppy (+)	My father left when I was 7 and I was adopted at age 10 ... I tried contacting my father several times ... met him for the first time at 15 again ... never knew it was him until my pissed off step father told me later on. I met him again at age 25 and talked a little bit to him. I have no interest in trying to find where he is, what he's done, how he feels or anything. The only time he tried to find me was when I was 15 and that was, as I was told - to work for him with gambling and drugs. Mind you, this is back the early 60's ... something you didn't hear too much about at that time. I look at it as, if they walked away once -- they will walk away again. There's rarely that much regret to change the natural parents mind. I do that
	10 Was this comment...?
#5 \| 418 days ago WISAC1 (+)	i might research who they were, but to find them and meet them, NO not at my age other
	Was this comment...?
#6 \| 418 days ago Nick__ (+)	(Edited by Nick__) I'd probably be curious to find out who they were, but, at my current age, I wouldn't be bitter about any of it. Not sure anyone can tell your daughters friend what she should do. That's entirely up to her. What I would say is that she needs to make sure that she is 100% ok with whatever the results are. Don't look for your parents out of bitterness.......be ok with the fact that you were loved by the people that brought you up and not pissed or bitter that you were given up at birth, which is going to be the first emotion/feeling. It could change her life for ever and people have been found to go into long term depression over the results or the findings. Been there done that
	7 Was this comment...? (1)
#7 \| 418 days ago davonthedl (+)	it may not be the same but, here it goes.......when my wife got pregnant 22 years ago with her first child, the "donor" left her to give birth all alone, except for family. I started to date her after she gave birth and the baby was 2 months old. The little girl, who I raised as my own and call her my daughter, only knew me as her father. Well when she turned 6, my wife and I decided to tell her who her "donor" dad was. She took it well, we found the "donor" but she knows me as dad and always has called me her dad. The "donor" came back into our lives and I must say we had a good relationship with him! I hope this helps because it could be a blessing to find or meet them or it could go south! I do this
	2 Was this comment...?
#8 \| 418 days ago HULL_17 (+)	here's my story and i don't tell many people this...usually because it doesn't come up...but here we go my sperm donor as i call him left my mom and i before i was born...im glad he did also...according to my mom and my aunt he was really abusive and was into heroin and cocaine...but the guy i call Dad has been there for me since i was two and he adopted me when i was four right before he and my mother got married..no he's not my blood father but he's been there when it has counted the most softball practices & games, bowling matches, bowling tournaments, basketball practices & games, choir recitles, & lastly but not least...dance recitles...i have often wondered what my sperm donor is like or if he thinks about me...i have tried a few times to look for him with no luck...but i'll never forget right before my 17th birthday he had called and talked to my mom...asked how i was and how i am doing and i'll never forget the conversation my mom and i had when she told me that he had called...the only thing i could ask her is why...why after 17 years he cares now...it hurt and i got mad and angry but then i realized that i don't need to be mad and upset because i have a father who loves me and that is there for me no matter what good or bad...and bonus for me i have one of the greatest step-fathers that anyone could ask for. i don't know if that helps but, i hope that it does. i hope that you realize family doesn't necisaraly mean blood related but it means who's there for you no matter what, good or bad. Been there done that
	7 Was this comment...? (1)
#9 \| 418 days ago CAPTAINSEAFOOD (+)	Nick__ wrote: I'd probably be curious to find out who they were, but, at my current age, I wouldn't be bitter about any of it. Not sure anyone can tell your daughters friend what she should do. That's entirely up to her. What I would say is that she needs to make sure that she is 100% ok with whatever the results are. Don't look for your parents out of bitterness.......be ok with the fact that you were loved by the people that brought you up and not pissed or bitter that you were given up at birth, which is going to be the first emotion/feeling. It could change her life for ever and people have been found to go into long term depression over the results or the findings. thank you nick sounds like great advice
	1 Was this comment...?
#10 \| 418 days ago CAPTAINSEAFOOD (+)	SickPuppy wrote: My father left when I was 7 and I was adopted at age 10 ... I tried contacting my father several times ... met him for the first time at 15 again ... never knew it was him until my pissed off step father told me later on. I met him again at age 25 and talked a little bit to him. I have no interest in trying to find where he is, what he's done, how he feels or anything. The only time he tried to find me was when I was 15 and that was, as I was told - to work for him with gambling and drugs. Mind you, this is back the early 60's ... something you didn't hear too much about at that time. I look at it as, if they walked away once -- they will walk away again. There's rarely that much regret to change the natural parents mind. sorry about what happened to you and thanks for sharing your story ,I know god has a special place for wonderful people like yourself
	1 Was this comment...?
#11 \| 418 days ago CAPTAINSEAFOOD (+)	Kritha wrote: I WOULD TRY TO FIND THEM thank you for or comment
	Was this comment...?
#12 \| 418 days ago CAPTAINSEAFOOD (+)	davonthedl wrote: it may not be the same but, here it goes.......when my wife got pregnant 22 years ago with her first child, the "donor" left her to give birth all alone, except for family. I started to date her after she gave birth and the baby was 2 months old. The little girl, who I raised as my own and call her my daughter, only knew me as her father. Well when she turned 6, my wife and I decided to tell her who her "donor" dad was. She took it well, we found the "donor" but she knows me as dad and always has called me her dad. The "donor" came back into our lives and I must say we had a good relationship with him! I hope this helps because it could be a blessing to find or meet them or it could go south! thank you for that will pass it on
	Was this comment...?
#13 \| 418 days ago CAPTAINSEAFOOD (+)	HULL_17 wrote: here's my story and i don't tell many people this...usually because it doesn't come up...but here we go my sperm donor as i call him left my mom and i before i was born...im glad he did also...according to my mom and my aunt he was really abusive and was into heroin and cocaine...but the guy i call Dad has been there for me since i was two and he adopted me when i was four right before he and my mother got married..no he's not my blood father but he's been there when it has counted the most softball practices & games, bowling matches, bowling tournaments, basketball practices & games, choir recitles, & lastly but not least...dance recitles...i have often wondered what my sperm donor is like or if he thinks about me...i have tried a few times to look for him with no luck...but i'll never forget right before my 17th birthday he had called and talked to my mom...asked how i was and how i am doing and i'll never forget the conversation my mom and i had when she told me that he had called...the only thing i could ask her is why...why after 17 years he cares now...it hurt and i got mad and angry but then i realized that i don't need to be mad and upset because i have a father who loves me and that is there for me no matter what good or bad...and bonus for me i have one of the greatest step-fathers that anyone could ask for. i don't know if that helps but, i hope that it does. i hope that you realize family doesn't necisaraly mean blood related but it means who's there for you no matter what, good or bad. oh she definetly loves her parents the ones that raised her and they have a great relationship she was just wondering what her birth mother was like ,I can't tell her what to do but stories like this will help her decide,thanks alot
	1 Was this comment...?
#14 \| 418 days ago 18packabs (+)	I would say, that would explain alot. other
	1 Was this comment...? (1)
#15 \| 418 days ago Jeff_P (+)	i would live how ive been living.................why make things MORE COMPLICATED..........and if the parents who gave you up.want to contact you.......than let them make the 1st move...........OTHERWISE....ENJOY the PARENTS WHO ACTUALLY WANTED YOU AND ADOPTED YOU.............
	3 Was this comment...? (2)
#16 \| 418 days ago marcus_nyce (+)	My brother is adopted. Granted he found out much earlier, it is/was never an issue. Our parents are our parents. He's my brother. It has just always been that way, I guess no different than any other family. I was only 4 when he came along and I thought that's where all babies came from. You know... lady come over with a little catalog, chose which kind you want - boy or girl - ask me what I thought (boy!!!!!) and then place an order. lol. I remember asking my Dad how much they cost, "Nothing? Really? Let's get some more!" other
	6 Was this comment...? (1) (1)
#17 \| 418 days ago Jess (+)	I'm not entirely sure I would want to get to know my parents who gave me up for adoption but I would definitely want to know who they were and where they came from. I just have a curious nature when it comes to my heritage. But I would certainly have a new appreciation for my adopted parents for taking me in and raising me as their own - I might be a little irked that I wasn't told earlier in life, but I would get over it. They would still be my family.
	2 Was this comment...? (1)
#18 \| 418 days ago SickPuppy (+)	I should also add that if your daughters friend had a happy childhood and feels no reason to believe that the adoptive parents are anything but her real parents -- why open a can worms to muddle everything ... it's not comfortable for anyone AND if the natural parents are vindictive -- you just opened a door to let them play with everyone's emotions. Let it go -- it serves no purpose other than satisfying a what should be nothing more than a very small bit of curiosity. To me, there seems like there's a lot more CON's than there are PRO's for this situation I do that
	2 Was this comment...?
#19 \| 418 days ago John_Daly (+)	I hate when people go looking for thier real parents. You ever think that they dont want to be found? Its disrespectful to the parents who raised you as thier own if you ask me.
	2 Was this comment...? (1)
#20 \| 418 days ago SickPuppy (+)	CAPTAINSEAFOOD wrote: sorry about what happened to you and thanks for sharing your story ,I know god has a special place for wonderful people like yourself No need to be sorry -- it wasn't your fault .. it happened. it is what it is -- sh!t happens :) I do that
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#21 \| 417 days ago rbnred (+)	I think I'd want to know in case of any future health problems, or maybe ask them why, but I probably wouldn't want to search them out to find them. I'd want to stay with the family who raised me and brought me through life. My son was adopted internationally when he was really young and we told him when he was old enough to speak. He was always loved and accepted by both families, and proud to be adopted, and every Mother's Day, we'd sit and remember his "mom". By the time he became a "tween" with all those angry emotions, I was hearing "You're My Mom!" He still wonders if he has any brothers or sisters, which is what I would, also, and one day may search. other
	2 Was this comment...? (1)

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#	Name	FanIQ	Answer (Red= You Disagreed)
17	ironhead_mike 06/21/2012 05:00PM		other
16	Dream_Machine 05/05/2012 03:34AM		Been there done that
15	rbnred 04/28/2012 10:46PM		other
14	woody050681 04/28/2012 08:29PM		other
13	richard_cranium 04/28/2012 07:36PM		Been there done that
12	Michael G 04/27/2012 09:52PM		I do that
11	Cali_Kat 04/27/2012 03:32PM		other
10	BRye21 04/27/2012 03:00PM		I do that
9	Billy_D 04/27/2012 02:18PM		I do this
8	Nick__ 04/27/2012 01:33PM		Been there done that
7	marcus_nyce 04/27/2012 01:23PM		other
6	18packabs 04/27/2012 12:39PM		other
5	HULL_17 04/27/2012 11:58AM		Been there done that
4	davonthedl 04/27/2012 11:39AM		I do this
3	WISAC1 04/27/2012 11:22AM		other
2	SickPuppy 04/27/2012 11:10AM		I do that
1	derms33 04/27/2012 11:02AM		I do this