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3
Happy and not so happy
Okay fellow iquers besides the relationship that you are in rather it is marriage or just bf/gf/ who has the happiest relationship you know ,and what is the key to their success and who has the lousiest one and what advice would you give them if you were asked
| Closed on 06/26/12 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room, Relationships | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll
9 Fans 
0%a. this one and that one
11%b. that one and this one
11%c. all relationship sucks
0%d. all my friends are miserable
11%e. hookers are great
67%f. other

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#3 | 332 days ago

 (Edited by Jess)
Joe_L wrote:
The happiest marriage is no marriage at all.
That's not true. Not all marriages suck...maybe the happiest marriage for YOU is no marriage at all.

I know some people who have a lot of struggles. I was one of them with my ex. It taught me a lot though; what I do and don't want in a relationship, what I will and won't put up with, and how I want someone to feel about me/treat me. The best advice I can give comes from my experience and what I see in other relationships:
1 - Marriage does take work, but it shouldn't be ALL work
2 - Sometimes you do need to know when to just say "we tried" and move on
3 - There are all sorts of different types of compromise. If you compromise 50/50 on everything, nobody's ever 100% happy. There's got to be some give and take - sometimes you give and sometimes you get. (This is not sexual)
4 - Know where you stand on the big issues (how you handle finances, child raising, religion, etc.) - anything that tends to come between people/cause issues in a marriage - from the beginning. If you're on the same page before those issues come up, it's easier to stay there when they do.
5 - If you pretend to be someone you're not in the beginning of a relationship, don't be surprised if it doesn't work out. When you get comfortable and start being yourself, the other person will think "you've changed" and might not like that change. If you want someone to love you for YOU, you have to be yourself from the beginning. 
6 - No two relationships are the same. Don't compare yourself to others, and don't bring baggage from previous relationships into current ones.

Oh and...7 - Sex does matter. 
8 - Communicate - don't close yourself off when something's wrong. If the person doesn't know something's wrong, it can't be fixed (but don't nag!)

(Oh and happiest - not to brag, but I have a pretty happy marriage. Probably the happiest of my friends, for the most part. Unhappiest - I won't name any names although you don't know them...though it's a tossup between a couple of my friends)
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24 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 332 days ago

 Google 'Sam Kinison marriage' and then watch his video. I think he has the best advice about it all.
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#2 | 332 days ago

 The happiest marriage is no marriage at all.
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#3 | 332 days ago

 (Edited by Jess)
Joe_L wrote:
The happiest marriage is no marriage at all.
That's not true. Not all marriages suck...maybe the happiest marriage for YOU is no marriage at all.

I know some people who have a lot of struggles. I was one of them with my ex. It taught me a lot though; what I do and don't want in a relationship, what I will and won't put up with, and how I want someone to feel about me/treat me. The best advice I can give comes from my experience and what I see in other relationships:
1 - Marriage does take work, but it shouldn't be ALL work
2 - Sometimes you do need to know when to just say "we tried" and move on
3 - There are all sorts of different types of compromise. If you compromise 50/50 on everything, nobody's ever 100% happy. There's got to be some give and take - sometimes you give and sometimes you get. (This is not sexual)
4 - Know where you stand on the big issues (how you handle finances, child raising, religion, etc.) - anything that tends to come between people/cause issues in a marriage - from the beginning. If you're on the same page before those issues come up, it's easier to stay there when they do.
5 - If you pretend to be someone you're not in the beginning of a relationship, don't be surprised if it doesn't work out. When you get comfortable and start being yourself, the other person will think "you've changed" and might not like that change. If you want someone to love you for YOU, you have to be yourself from the beginning. 
6 - No two relationships are the same. Don't compare yourself to others, and don't bring baggage from previous relationships into current ones.

Oh and...7 - Sex does matter. 
8 - Communicate - don't close yourself off when something's wrong. If the person doesn't know something's wrong, it can't be fixed (but don't nag!)

(Oh and happiest - not to brag, but I have a pretty happy marriage. Probably the happiest of my friends, for the most part. Unhappiest - I won't name any names although you don't know them...though it's a tossup between a couple of my friends)
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#4 | 332 days ago

 Tried marriage once and never again.
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#5 | 332 days ago

  


Real answer - I'd have to go with my parents.  June 6th marked 37 years for them. 
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#6 | 332 days ago

 jswol54 wrote:
 


Real answer - I'd have to go with my parents.  June 6th marked 37 years for them. 
Your parents got married on the aniversay of the D-Day invasion....
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#7 | 332 days ago

 beerstudk wrote:
Your parents got married on the aniversay of the D-Day invasion....
That's because they are the bomb!  
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#8 | 332 days ago

 Beaneaters wrote:
Google 'Sam Kinison marriage' and then watch his video. I think he has the best advice about it all.
Sam was a Genius
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#9 | 332 days ago

 (Edited by Nick__)
  • Communication - No one is a mind reader. You have to leave the lines of communication open and do it in a respectful manner
  • Acceptance - Do not try to change your partner. Too many people, over time, try to change or mold their partner into something they want them to be. I understand that people change, but you were originally with that person for who they were, to begin with. Of course, this has to do with minor character flaws, not major ones (Drugs, Alcohol, Abuse, etc).
  • Freedom - Do not smother them!  Allow them to have their time, just as you would like to have your time. Just because you are married, it doesn't mean it's supposed to be 24-7/365. And if you are not married, and this is going on, JUMP SHIP, FAST!
  • Help out - relationships should be a two-way street!  You need to help out as much as they should.
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#10 | 332 days ago

 my advice is, if it's a relationship that starts on partying times, it better stay on partying times. if you sober up, you'll find out exactly who you've been sleeping with for x-amount of days, weeks, years.
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#11 | 332 days ago

 Nick__ wrote:
  • Communication - No one is a mind reader. You have to leave the lines of communication open and do it in a respectful manner
  • Acceptance - Do not try to change your partner. Too many people, over time, try to change or mold their partner into something they want them to be. I understand that people change, but you were originally with that person for who they were, to begin with. Of course, this has to do with minor character flaws, not major ones (Drugs, Alcohol, Abuse, etc).
  • Freedom - Do not smother them!  Allow them to have their time, just as you would like to have your time. Just because you are married, it doesn't mean it's supposed to be 24-7/365. And if you are not married, and this is going on, JUMP SHIP, FAST!
  • Help out - relationships should be a two-way street!  You need to help out as much as they should.
2 - That's something that annoys me, and kind of goes along with what I said about being yourself. I don't understand why people would get into a relationship and then want to change the person. If you fell for them, why do you want them to change? It makes no sense. When you marry someone, you vow to take them as they are. We're never going to like everything about somebody - but if you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should definitely be willing to overlook the things you don't like, and that means forever.
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#12 | 332 days ago

 Jess wrote:
2 - That's something that annoys me, and kind of goes along with what I said about being yourself. I don't understand why people would get into a relationship and then want to change the person. If you fell for them, why do you want them to change? It makes no sense. When you marry someone, you vow to take them as they are. We're never going to like everything about somebody - but if you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should definitely be willing to overlook the things you don't like, and that means forever.
Right on!  yes
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#13 | 332 days ago

 Jess wrote:
2 - That's something that annoys me, and kind of goes along with what I said about being yourself. I don't understand why people would get into a relationship and then want to change the person. If you fell for them, why do you want them to change? It makes no sense. When you marry someone, you vow to take them as they are. We're never going to like everything about somebody - but if you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should definitely be willing to overlook the things you don't like, and that means forever.
I get what you are saying and you are right. It's when you do those things, give all your heart, all your soul, and all your being into marriage and family only to watch someone wake up one day 'not in love with you anymore' is when it sucks. My pain, especially for my years lost with my children, is excruciating. The fact that an ex married someone who received a week of a time share at the beach in his prior divorce settlement rips open a wound every year. Their week is the week of my birthday and Father's Day. For ten years I haven't spent a birthday nor a Father's Day with both my daughters. 

And listening to someone telling you of their hindsight  a few years later falls on deaf ears.

No one will hurt me again the way I have hurt.

I remember asking 'why does every person on the planet think I am a great guy except you?' Got no reply on that one.

Hence the jokes and such about marriage, i.e.- marriage licenses costing $50,000 and divorce costing $9.95. 

It can work and be a great thing, but two people have to want it to with everything they have.
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#14 | 332 days ago

 Having not grown up in a functioning household, and being cynical in general, I consider people in functional and happy marriages (and families) to be pod people. Jess knows exactly what I'm taking about. wink
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#15 | 331 days ago

 My dad is still married to my mom...he deserves props
that one and this one  
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#16 | 331 days ago

 derms33 wrote:
My dad is still married to my mom...he deserves props
These tree guys give ya pops props.......
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#17 | 331 days ago

 Beaneaters wrote:
I get what you are saying and you are right. It's when you do those things, give all your heart, all your soul, and all your being into marriage and family only to watch someone wake up one day 'not in love with you anymore' is when it sucks. My pain, especially for my years lost with my children, is excruciating. The fact that an ex married someone who received a week of a time share at the beach in his prior divorce settlement rips open a wound every year. Their week is the week of my birthday and Father's Day. For ten years I haven't spent a birthday nor a Father's Day with both my daughters. 

And listening to someone telling you of their hindsight  a few years later falls on deaf ears.

No one will hurt me again the way I have hurt.

I remember asking 'why does every person on the planet think I am a great guy except you?' Got no reply on that one.

Hence the jokes and such about marriage, i.e.- marriage licenses costing $50,000 and divorce costing $9.95. 

It can work and be a great thing, but two people have to want it to with everything they have.
Man!  Your story makes me really sad!  I'm very sorry that you have to deal with this scenario!   it's not right!  (man hug)
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#18 | 331 days ago

 jswol54 wrote:
That's because they are the bomb!  
That doesn't make sense.... at the very least, it's a bad pun
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#19 | 331 days ago

 Had to remove some posts - remember this that I posted yesterday?

Any content depicting or promoting illegal activities will be deemed inappropriate and removed immediately. 

Such content and topics include, but are not limited to, illegal drug use, excessive violence, and sexual assault. For example, reporting that an athlete was caught with drugs is allowed. However, anything that mentions illegal drugs or illegal drug use in the context that would not be seen on Network Television is not allowed. Any polls or comments referencing your or other members’ illegal drug use will be removed. 

Careful...
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#20 | 331 days ago

 jswol54 wrote:
 


Real answer - I'd have to go with my parents.  June 6th marked 37 years for them. 
OMG!!! I think I know your parents...^^^^ Cute pic of them..yes
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#21 | 331 days ago

 mom and dad had a great one. my dad died one week  shy of what would have been 55 years.heart
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#22 | 325 days ago

 this poll is starting to resemble some of the religious/political ones.
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#23 | 325 days ago

 It looks like Jess and her husband are the happiest couple I "know :|

Idk who has the lousiest is because Idags. My best advice would be "don't do it" though.
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#24 | 325 days ago

 Here is a little story I learned in seminary and it has always stuck with me. I condensed it as much as possible and hope you enjoy.



When I sailed to Kiniwata, an island in the Pacific, I took along a notebook. The only note in it says: "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows to Sarita’s father."
Johnny Lingo wasn’t exactly his name. The people of Kiniwata all spoke highly of Johnny. Yet when they spoke they smiled, and the smiles were slightly mocking.

"everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny and then laughs. Let me in on the joke. what is there to laugh about?"
"Only one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!
I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. Two or three cows would buy a fair wife, four or five a highly satisfactory one. "She must have beauty that takes your breath away."
"It would be kind to call Sarita plain. Her father was afraid he'd be stuck with her. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow And that’s why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny.

 So the next afternoon I beached my boat at Nurabandi. And as I asked directions to Johnny’s house. His name brought no sly smile to the lips of his fellow Nurabandians. We sat in his house and talked. Then he asked, "You come here from Kiniwata?"
"Yes."
He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."
"Yes, I know."
"They speak of her?"
"A little."
"What do they say?"

They say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why."
"They ask that?" His eyes lightened with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"
I nodded.
"Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."


And then I saw her. I watched her enter the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still a moment to smile at the young man beside me. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I turned back to Johnny and found him looking at me.
"She...she’s glorious. But she’s not Sarita from Kiniwata," I said.
"Perhaps she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata."
"I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you. how can she be so different?"
"Do you ever think," he asked, "what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two?" This could not happen to my Sarita."
"I wanted Sarita to be happy. But I wanted more than that. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands."
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