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11
Your cheating heart
Recently I have had the wonderful opportunity to have had my heart broken for the 2nd time in 11 years by the same woman.  We dated from 1997-1999 then again from 1/2011 to 8/2012 only to break up both times.  These questions pertain to what other's would do.

Questions 1&2 are based on have you ever dated the same person more than once in a lifetime.  Question 3 involves your friends, especially those who only know her thru you.
| Closed on 12/31/12 at 12:00AM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll
27 Fans 
 1. Have you ever broken up with a person only to get back together later? (0 points)
52%a. Yes
44%b. No
4%c. other? explain
 2. How long was the time between the breakup and getting back together (0 points)
41%a. this length
15%b. that length
44%c. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup
 3. Are you still friends with anyone who you met thru your ex (0 points)
56%a. yes, a friend is a friend
15%b. no, friends are mine and mine only
30%c. depends on the circumstances of the friendship

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#24 | 679 days ago

My ex and I split up several times during our relationship and got back together both before and after we were married (or I should say, he left me several times and came back...the last breakup was the divorce, in which I made the decision to leave). But, we got together when we were 15, married at 18, so we were very young. We have no contact - it got ugly toward the end. No hard feelings anymore, I just think we've both moved on from something that never really had a great foundation to begin with. We never had kids together, so there are no ties, and the good memories faded long before the marriage ended.

My husband now and I also broke up a couple of times before we got married - I think sometimes that just happens when people are figuring out where they stand in a fairly new relationship and as they take different steps moving forward. I don't necessarily believe the phrase "they're an ex for a reason" applies in all cases. Sometimes people just need space and time to sort things out. However, there are cases where it's best just to sever ties and move on.

As for friends - I guess it just depends on the person. I have a lot of friends I've kept from when my ex and I were together, some of whom I met through him (work, etc.). My friendship with any of them has nothing to do with him at all - it's how well we click, how deeply rooted our friendship became before my ex and I got divorced, etc. that has resulted in continued friendship with them. Naturally there are going to be some that feel like they have to choose one side or another to keep the peace when it comes to gatherings etc. No biggie.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
  
26 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 680 days ago

I worked 25 miles one way from where I lived.  I had a friend that I met while at this job, he was only friends with her thru me on facebook and has never met her face to face.  Recently after we broke up, I saw that his facebook page said he was now friends with her. This usually wouldn't bother me, but he is married and she cheated on me this time with a married man.  The 1st time together the breakup was my fault for being lazy and always broke. She dropped me as a friend so I was just curious, so I emailed him to see what the deal was.  Waiting back for his reply, although I told him it's his choice who his friends are.  I don't even live in the same state with either one of them anymore.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#2 | 680 days ago

had a relationship after I got divorced,,, soon too quick and this person ended up being a border line psycho but now we are  FB's. I stayed away from her for a 1 1/2 and now she states they have become another ' Nola Darling"........
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#3 | 680 days ago
Nick__ (+)

Doug,

I'm sorry for your situation.  It's very difficult, for anyone, to have their heart broken, if, in fact, they have a heart to begin with.

I've met some people, in my life, that, I swear, had no heart, what-so-ever!

Time heals!  Hang in there!
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#4 | 680 days ago

THINK OF IT AS THEIR LOSS..............wink
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#5 | 680 days ago
unopescatore (+)

bang her best friend bro.....pay backs a b-tch.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. no, friends are mine and mine only  
#6 | 680 days ago

(Edited by kobe_lova)
2. 3 years (but for only one person and never again. in general, it usually ends for a good reason)

3. it depends really. We don't see each other as much, but if  we did, we would hang out like nothing ever happened. Our sh** is ours, friends don't always need to be in the middle.
1. Yes  2. that length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#7 | 680 days ago

Most of my breakups involved restraining orders, so ...No.
#8 | 680 days ago

Well I got my answer.  The friend on facebook just unfriended me.  Ha! Ha!  What a shocker. 
1. Yes  2. this length  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#9 | 680 days ago

It was only a few years (maybe 2?) between stints. Wow 1999 to 2011 seems long. I probably would have moved on, but you never know. I've never been in that position. That's pretty interesting to me.

The older I've become the easier it has been to stay friends with their friends and even them. For the most part it was never really their fault for the break ups in the first place. Plus i'm fairly easy to get along with and not really the jealous type.

"Girls night out? Have fun. wear your blue dress, you'll get more free drinks. here's some money for a cab on the way home. If y'all come back hammered at 4 a.m., hook me up with a grilled cheese too if you're all going to pile in bed, wake me up and watch your crappy show." (<--- That's how i get hooked on those gawdawful programs. lol)
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#10 | 680 days ago

huskerdoug2009 wrote:
Well I got my answer.  The friend on facebook just unfriended me.  Ha! Ha!  What a shocker. 
You are better than either one of them....neither is worth your time.

Hang in there.....  there are still good people.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#11 | 680 days ago

marcus_nyce wrote:
It was only a few years (maybe 2?) between stints. Wow 1999 to 2011 seems long. I probably would have moved on, but you never know. I've never been in that position. That's pretty interesting to me.

The older I've become the easier it has been to stay friends with their friends and even them. For the most part it was never really their fault for the break ups in the first place. Plus i'm fairly easy to get along with and not really the jealous type.

"Girls night out? Have fun. wear your blue dress, you'll get more free drinks. here's some money for a cab on the way home. If y'all come back hammered at 4 a.m., hook me up with a grilled cheese too if you're all going to pile in bed, wake me up and watch your crappy show." (<--- That's how i get hooked on those gawdawful programs. lol)
After we broke up in 1999, I moved on and lost touch with her.  I was going to a community college in october 2010 when I got a facebook friend request.  She had gotten married, and divorced in the years between us being together.  We started as friends, then in Jan 2011 I moved to Iowa to be with her.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#12 | 680 days ago

Met my husband when we were 11 yrs old, Married when we were 16 in 1971...Then in 2000 I decided to be independent  and divorced him..Lived by myself for 5 years..then decided to come back and now live with my X husband since 2006..End of story..Neither of us are going anywhere and we both kept the same friends we always had. ..I suggest you try and move on...She has made her choice for but a second time and it's her loss...The "so called" friends your losing now were never your real friends in the first place. You don't need her or them...Screw Em!... I hope you find someone that makes you 20 times happier...Trust me..Everything in life happens for a reason.. wink
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#13 | 680 days ago

DallasFan55 wrote:
Met my husband when we were 11 yrs old, Married when we were 16 in 1971...Then in 2000 I decided to be independent  and divorced him..Lived by myself for 5 years..then decided to come back and now live with my X husband since 2006..End of story..Neither of us are going anywhere and we both kept the same friends we always had. ..I suggest you try and move on...She has made her choice for but a second time and it's her loss...The "so called" friends your losing now were never your real friends in the first place. You don't need her or them...Screw Em!... I hope you find someone that makes you 20 times happier...Trust me..Everything in life happens for a reason.. wink
wow,,,29 years and then bolt, I dont feel so bad now bolting after 18 and yes there are days I do regret,,, would/will i go back,,one never knows!!
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#14 | 680 days ago

alainpeartree wrote:
wow,,,29 years and then bolt, I dont feel so bad now bolting after 18 and yes there are days I do regret,,, would/will i go back,,one never knows!!
What I learned was that, I could survive without marriage but I couldn't make it without having my best friend by my side. We grew up together and we're best friends before a relationship. I value his friendship. smiley
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#15 | 680 days ago

there is a good reason an ex is an ex. for me, it's the fact she can call her vagina AMTRAK because most of the men in south Florida rode that train while she was married to me.
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. no, friends are mine and mine only  
#16 | 680 days ago

anthonyrichardlouisnaught wrote:
there is a good reason an ex is an ex. for me, it's the fact she can call her vagina AMTRAK because most of the men in south Florida rode that train while she was married to me.
Funny thing is although I doubt that my friend has ever slept with my ex, he falls into her likes very much.  He's married although he's not as old as she tends to like.  I guess where I feel so bad is that all the friends, both married and single people who told me to leave her are the people now who won't return calls from me.  Her brother and her Dad still talk to me all the time, as does both of her son's.  Even this pair of lesbians who couldn't stand me for the longest time, still text me and tell me how she's doing.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#17 | 679 days ago

(Edited by Debi_L)
I remained friends with my ex after we separated, (even tho he was pretty much a deadbeat), for my son's sake.  Then he met his g/f and she put a stop to any of us having any contact with him.  My son hasn't seen his dad in 7 years, dad's choice, so now I wouldn't stop to speak to him if I saw him on the sidewalk.  He can't suddenly grow a pair and realize HE cut ties.  His g/f contacted my son a year ago and told him he needed to grow up and contact his father.  My son said "My sperm donor made his choice.  He chose you over me.  Now he'll have to live with it.  My life is just fine without him.  Have a nice day"

Nope, won't ever have anything to do with that piece of crap again, but dayum I'm proud of my son!!

Oh, and yes, I am still friends with almost all of his family, who no longer have contact with him either.
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#18 | 679 days ago

Debi_L wrote:
I remained friends with my ex after we separated, (even tho he was pretty much a deadbeat), for my son's sake.  Then he met his g/f and she put a stop to any of us having any contact with him.  My son hasn't seen his dad in 7 years, dad's choice, so now I wouldn't stop to speak to him if I saw him on the sidewalk.  He can't suddenly grow a pair and realize HE cut ties.  His g/f contacted my son a year ago and told him he needed to grow up and contact his father.  My son said "My sperm donor made his choice.  He chose you over me.  Now he'll have to live with it.  My life is just fine without him.  Have a nice day"

Nope, won't ever have anything to do with that piece of crap again, but dayum I'm proud of my son!!

Oh, and yes, I am still friends with almost all of his family, who no longer have contact with him either.
Debi said dayum...I am SO PROUD of her!!!heart
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#19 | 679 days ago

DeeRigga wrote:
Debi said dayum...I am SO PROUD of her!!!heart
I say "DAYUM!!" a LOT. 
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#20 | 679 days ago

I was married the 1st time for 18 years...he got abusive after my Dad passed away so I divorced him. Walked out and never looked back. Knew my present hubby..he was a friend of us both but never got to see him much since he was a truck driver. He got off the road and went to work at a factory here. Saw him at the bar which led to dating, moving in with him, to marriage and getting my home back :)  2 years later, I needed some space (Yeah, I do *hit backards, lol) so told him how I felt, moved my stuff to the spare bedroom...we agreed to continue living in the same house and he wanted to help with bills and he gave me the time I needed to sort things out in my mind. I felt I was using him. My step father  bought us tickets to see 3 Atlanta Braves games, paid for the hotel trying to keep us from splitting up. Tim asked who I was taking with me to see the Braves and I said...YOU..who else! That was 15 years ago...we just celebrated our 17th anniversary Saturday and I wouldn't take all the money in the world for him! heart

That someone is out there for you that will make you happy! :) 
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#21 | 679 days ago

huskerdoug2009 wrote:
Well I got my answer.  The friend on facebook just unfriended me.  Ha! Ha!  What a shocker. 
Sorry bout that. I'm sure in time he will get his too!
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#22 | 679 days ago

Other than middle school, once I split from someone that was it. I believe that people are an ex for a reason.
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#23 | 679 days ago

Debi_L wrote:
I remained friends with my ex after we separated, (even tho he was pretty much a deadbeat), for my son's sake.  Then he met his g/f and she put a stop to any of us having any contact with him.  My son hasn't seen his dad in 7 years, dad's choice, so now I wouldn't stop to speak to him if I saw him on the sidewalk.  He can't suddenly grow a pair and realize HE cut ties.  His g/f contacted my son a year ago and told him he needed to grow up and contact his father.  My son said "My sperm donor made his choice.  He chose you over me.  Now he'll have to live with it.  My life is just fine without him.  Have a nice day"

Nope, won't ever have anything to do with that piece of crap again, but dayum I'm proud of my son!!

Oh, and yes, I am still friends with almost all of his family, who no longer have contact with him either.
Do me a favor and tell your son that he is the wisest child I have yet to pleasure to meet, and I would love to shake his hand and tell him "WELL SAID, YOUNG MAN"
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. no, friends are mine and mine only  
#24 | 679 days ago

My ex and I split up several times during our relationship and got back together both before and after we were married (or I should say, he left me several times and came back...the last breakup was the divorce, in which I made the decision to leave). But, we got together when we were 15, married at 18, so we were very young. We have no contact - it got ugly toward the end. No hard feelings anymore, I just think we've both moved on from something that never really had a great foundation to begin with. We never had kids together, so there are no ties, and the good memories faded long before the marriage ended.

My husband now and I also broke up a couple of times before we got married - I think sometimes that just happens when people are figuring out where they stand in a fairly new relationship and as they take different steps moving forward. I don't necessarily believe the phrase "they're an ex for a reason" applies in all cases. Sometimes people just need space and time to sort things out. However, there are cases where it's best just to sever ties and move on.

As for friends - I guess it just depends on the person. I have a lot of friends I've kept from when my ex and I were together, some of whom I met through him (work, etc.). My friendship with any of them has nothing to do with him at all - it's how well we click, how deeply rooted our friendship became before my ex and I got divorced, etc. that has resulted in continued friendship with them. Naturally there are going to be some that feel like they have to choose one side or another to keep the peace when it comes to gatherings etc. No biggie.
1. Yes  2. this length  3. yes, a friend is a friend  
#25 | 678 days ago

Jess wrote:
My ex and I split up several times during our relationship and got back together both before and after we were married (or I should say, he left me several times and came back...the last breakup was the divorce, in which I made the decision to leave). But, we got together when we were 15, married at 18, so we were very young. We have no contact - it got ugly toward the end. No hard feelings anymore, I just think we've both moved on from something that never really had a great foundation to begin with. We never had kids together, so there are no ties, and the good memories faded long before the marriage ended.

My husband now and I also broke up a couple of times before we got married - I think sometimes that just happens when people are figuring out where they stand in a fairly new relationship and as they take different steps moving forward. I don't necessarily believe the phrase "they're an ex for a reason" applies in all cases. Sometimes people just need space and time to sort things out. However, there are cases where it's best just to sever ties and move on.

As for friends - I guess it just depends on the person. I have a lot of friends I've kept from when my ex and I were together, some of whom I met through him (work, etc.). My friendship with any of them has nothing to do with him at all - it's how well we click, how deeply rooted our friendship became before my ex and I got divorced, etc. that has resulted in continued friendship with them. Naturally there are going to be some that feel like they have to choose one side or another to keep the peace when it comes to gatherings etc. No biggie.
I respect your comment greatly, you also said what I was trying to put out their wonderfully.  The part where you said, "some of whom I met through him."  She friend requested my buddy, even though she has never met him personally.  She simply saw that I talked to him on facebook, friend requested him and now their friends.  I am moving on this time a lot easier than the 1st time.  I believe it's because the 1st time I simply thought I was to blame, this time I see we are both to blame and need to move on.  I also don't believe in the ex is always an ex theory belongs to every situation.  I see everyday couple who get back together years and years after they have split.  It's sometimes simply a case of one or both sides growing up and maturing!
1. Yes  2. this length  3. depends on the circumstances of the friendship  
#26 | 675 days ago

huskerdoug2009 wrote:
Funny thing is although I doubt that my friend has ever slept with my ex, he falls into her likes very much.  He's married although he's not as old as she tends to like.  I guess where I feel so bad is that all the friends, both married and single people who told me to leave her are the people now who won't return calls from me.  Her brother and her Dad still talk to me all the time, as does both of her son's.  Even this pair of lesbians who couldn't stand me for the longest time, still text me and tell me how she's doing.
that most definitely is strange. My ex didn't mean a stiff one she didn't like, size or race didnt' matter.
1. No  2. I learned my lesson the 1st time and have never gotten back with anyone after a breakup  3. no, friends are mine and mine only  

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