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48
Time for "The Talk"
My oldest is turning 11 in a couple of weeks, and recently has been making comments that lead me to believe it's time for 'the talk'.

Luke  "Dad, I know I didn't come out of mom's belly button." 
Me (Dad)  "Oh?  Then where did you come out?"  
Luke  "I haven't figured that out yet."

Luke  "Dad, those girls are sexy!"  (referring to blond violin players on America's Got Talent)
Me "Uh, yeah"

Luke  "Dad, how did you fertilize mom?"
Me  "Uh, can we talk about this later....  Grandma, will you pass the potatoes."

And those are just a few examples.  Anyway, I always knew this day would come, and quite frankly, I'm a little nervous about it.  So, I'd thought I'd do what any normal person would do, seek advice on a sports website from a bunch of sexual deviants.

Any Advice?

Time for "The Talk" Photo


| Closed on 10/23/09 at 05:00PM
FanIQ Pts? No | Locker Room, Personal | Multiple Choice Opinion Poll

Tagged as:   sex ed
52 Fans 
17%a. I have this advice_____.
6%b. I got nothing, but here's a smart a$$ response______.
2%c. Global warming is real!
0%d. Just give him this movie_______.
0%e. You shouldn't be teaching anyone anything!
12%f. Who are you calling a sexual deviant?
10%g. How were the potatoes?
4%h. How do you fertilize a woman?
8%i. Those violin players were sexy!
4%j. See, this is why we need National Health Care!
10%k. Just turn him loose on the internet for a few hours.
29%l. Other (another "I got nothing" answer)

 &nbp;
TOP COMMENT * * * * * * * * * * * *
#6 | 92 days ago

Take him to all your local truck-stop restrooms, you won't have to say a word, a visit to about ten or twelve stalls, it becomes self-explanatory... and allowing him to see all those dispensing machines is a plus...
How do you fertilize a woman?  
  
60 Comments | Sorted by Most Recent First | Red = You Disagreed
Vote for your favorite comments. Fans decide the Top Comment (3+ votes) and also hide poor quality comments (4+ votes).
#1 | 92 days ago
d29point9 (+)

Do what I did - send him to see 18packAbs.........
How were the potatoes?  
#2 | 92 days ago

I can't remember having a more awkward conversation with my father in my entire life.  Sorry, no kids of my own so my advice would be more worthless than Detroit Lions season tickets. 
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#3 | 92 days ago

(Edited by aroraarun77)
I WILL SAY LET THEM FIND THEIR OWN WAY JUST KEEP GUIDING>>>>>>>>>>
#4 | 92 days ago

My talk was very clinical.  Thank god too.  It made it less awkward.
#5 | 92 days ago
SDsports (+)

Buy him the complete first season of "Cathouse"...he'll get the idea.

#6 | 92 days ago

Take him to all your local truck-stop restrooms, you won't have to say a word, a visit to about ten or twelve stalls, it becomes self-explanatory... and allowing him to see all those dispensing machines is a plus...
How do you fertilize a woman?  
#7 | 92 days ago

Man up and talk to the child before he tries to get answers on his own!  I let my ex handle my son's talk and I talked with my daughter.  Just be honest with them.
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#8 | 92 days ago

My 10-yr-old recently told me she wants to buy a bra... which sort of opened the door to more talking... and I found out she knows A LOT more than I would like her to! But I did have to clear a few things up. I was factual and direct, and didn't say 'too much'... And it is always an open door policy with me. She can ask me ANYTHING at ANY TIME and I will always give her an answer! But the first step was finding out what she knows and what she wants to know... and then consider how much I really needed to tell her. Now she knows enough to get her by for about 2 years. :)
I have this advice_____.  
#9 | 92 days ago

YES I CAN REMEMBER THE TALK I HAD WITH MY KIDS ,AFTER I EXPLAINED THE ..."FACTS"... THEY SAID WE KNOW THAT THEN TOLD ME A FEW I WASNT AWARE OF..JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU GOT ALL THE ANSWERS THEY GO AND CHANGE THE DARN QUESTIONS,WHAT IS A GUY SUSPOSE TO DO?????,OH BY THE WAY GOOD LUCK.
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#10 | 92 days ago

All I can say is be open and honest. I only have girls so I imagine its a bit different, but as long as he knows he can talk to you w/o being embarrassed that is a good start.
Who are you calling a sexual deviant?  
#11 | 92 days ago

Ya haven't had the talk yet? lol Just kidding, Boys and girls all mature differently. He probably knows a hell of a lot more than you think allready.  Many times the parent is a lot more uncomfortable talking about it than the kid. Don't go saying about storks dropping him off.  If he asked questions about his body, then you can talk allthat masturbation ,orgasms, and STDs and how to slap on a rubber, but might want to wait another year on that part.  If he just wants to know who, what, where, and why, about mommies and daddies and babies, then get some diagragrams and explain it in simple understandable terms, yet using the propper term like vagina, uterus.. Start out slow, describing the parts and anh they work together, and then about the 9months of growth. It'll be alot easier if , when you start to explain things to him hje asks questions. This will actualy help you...  I'm sure there are many pamphlets that help parents talk to their kids about sex.. the same goes for talking to your kids about drugs...
Who are you calling a sexual deviant?  
#12 | 92 days ago

Who are you calling a sexual deviant?  
#13 | 92 days ago









OK I am ready for the talk, I am listening.....
I got nothing, but here's a smart a$$ response______.  
#14 | 92 days ago
mooser58 (+)

Do they even still teach "Sex Education" in public schools or has it been run out under political correctness?  I remember (groooannnn) that we had that class in both 7th and 8th grade and that is where I learned most things.  My parents got divorced when I was in 5th grade and I do not remember either my Mom or Dad having "the talk" with me.  I do remember being in 6th grade and my Dad taking me (he is a college professor) with him to this bar in the student union and seeing Kentucky Fried Movie while sitting on some co-eds lap.  Funny, there seemed to be a lot of co-eds there around us that night.  Good old Dad.  I wonder why he and Mom split up? 
How were the potatoes?  
#15 | 92 days ago

No advice (price you pay being a parent)....but I'd sure like to be a fly on the wall when you have the talk. lol
See, this is why we need National Health Care!  
#16 | 92 days ago

Boys have a Penis; Girls have a Vagina
Who are you calling a sexual deviant?  
#17 | 92 days ago

Sorry dude, my oldest had her first "cycle" in the 5th grade.  I've been behind the curve ever since, and probably before.
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#18 | 92 days ago
cubsgirl (Glenda) profile photo

Dont worry about it you're gonna start they'll roll thier eyes at you, think you know nothing and tell you yah I understand. Wait a minute that was my kids. Well good luck to you with that.
See, this is why we need National Health Care!  
#19 | 92 days ago

I have not done the whole talk yet with my on (12) just tr;y to clear up misinformation when it comes up. Example  "No son, baby girls do not become lesbians because they were breast fed".

#20 | 92 days ago

Chappie wrote:
Sorry dude, my oldest had her first "cycle" in the 5th grade.  I've been behind the curve ever since, and probably before.
Holy sh*t!  Did you say 5th grade?  That  just gives me three more years....OMG.  I think ill just go f*ck an electrical socket now.   See you guys.
#21 | 92 days ago

Im still trying to figure out what the he*ll talk your talking about !!
#22 | 92 days ago

Hire a consultant to fill in for you.  I hear you can get one down town for around $20  :P
#23 | 92 days ago

Just give him your sign in information and he'll learn alot.
#24 | 92 days ago

yruwet2 wrote:
Boys have a Penis; Girls have a Vagina
Good one from Kindergarten Cop.
#25 | 92 days ago

Thankfully I don't have kids. That scenario terrifies me.
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#26 | 92 days ago

 I'm going through this with my daughter now (altho the ex is handling that).  My son is only 8, but we joke around about some things and I try to gauge the reaction, same with my daughter.

my talk with my dad was "keep it in your pants".  Sound advice in my opinion.
I have this advice_____.  
#27 | 92 days ago

If you have the sex talk or not there will be mistakes made. Be there and help all you can! Birth control and condoms isn't the answer. Respecting yourself and saving your self for the man you love is! For the boys giving it to every girl isn't the answer making enough money to pay for the babies should be. Girls too should think more about college and a career before giving up that right when having a child with a man who isn't responsible.
I have this advice_____.  
#28 | 92 days ago

Have him watch Sex in the City! He get all the advice he needs, along with a few pointers on how to please his woman. LOL For Example: Season 1, Episode 1: Can Women Have Sex Like Men?!
 
#29 | 92 days ago

i dont think i ever got "the talk" but i also dont think my parents gave me any belly button or stork crap, ever.  so they completly avoided the whole acward situation.  or my friend ruined my inosence with all those jokes... 
#30 | 92 days ago

Cali_Kat wrote:
All I can say is be open and honest. I only have girls so I imagine its a bit different, but as long as he knows he can talk to you w/o being embarrassed that is a good start.
 I had 3 girls and 1 boy..... boys learn things pretty quickly... unfortunately so our conversation really involved responsibility and respect.  If you are a guy, you remember what it was like in high school..... I'm sure today's boys are no different then we were.  Hopefully my son will treat girls with respect and understand that waiting to have sex is not an uncool thing and buckling to peer pressure is usually not a good thing!
#31 | 92 days ago
Wordsmith (+)

jswol54 wrote:
I can't remember having a more awkward conversation with my father in my entire life.  Sorry, no kids of my own so my advice would be more worthless than Detroit Lions season tickets. 
or as worhless as Cubs playoff tix, lol.
How were the potatoes?  
#32 | 92 days ago

im_not_sugar_im_splenda wrote:
i dont think i ever got "the talk" but i also dont think my parents gave me any belly button or stork crap, ever.  so they completly avoided the whole acward situation.  or my friend ruined my inosence with all those jokes... 
The belly button theory was his own.  Basically I haven't told them anything except to answer his questions with very vague answers.  Like "Daddy, where did I come from?" "Well, you came from your mommy's belly." 
Those violin players were sexy!  
#33 | 92 days ago
SaraBear (+)

Just do what my parents did, and sign that little white piece of paper that comes home in the middle of the school year, and let the school teach him about the "birds and the bees". My parents chickened out, so they placed that dirty deed on the education system, and washed their hands clean of it!!! Lol
How were the potatoes?  
#34 | 92 days ago
Irish22 (+)

So, I'd thought I'd do what any normal person would do, seek advice on a sports website from a bunch of sexual deviants.

Since you have that much faith in The Q Nation. Just turn your youngster loose on your Q account and we will educate the young man.
I got nothing, but here's a smart a$$ response______.  
#35 | 92 days ago

(Edited by huskerfan_ia)
Irish22 wrote:
So, I'd thought I'd do what any normal person would do, seek advice on a sports website from a bunch of sexual deviants.

Since you have that much faith in The Q Nation. Just turn your youngster loose on your Q account and we will educate the young man.
He's looked over my shoulder before while I've been on here.  He thinks I should 'spank' all the girls and 'high five' all the guys. 

He's a pretty bright kid.

Edit:  But I think he should wait a few years before he gets full access.  I don't want to have to un-teach him things right now...
Those violin players were sexy!  
#36 | 92 days ago

You say he's 11 years old?  How naive are you.  If you're nervous about "THE TALK", before you approach him look under his mattress and in the bathroom cabinants for the Playboy, or hustler that he surly has hidden for personal use.  if you look hard enough, they are there.  And, who you callin a sexual deviant....MMYYYY BAD?
I have this advice_____.  
#37 | 92 days ago

Teaching them the physical part is easy.  Once they know that you don't really have to go over it again.  The emotions and responsibility that comes with sex is the hard part and has to be talked about throughout their growing up years.  Good luck!
#38 | 92 days ago

Well I got a shock of a lifetime when it came for the talk I walked in my oldest sons bedroom to put away some clothes and he was ....... well lets say working it good.I just turned and walked back out and told my now hubby OMG he is busy with it.Then I had to talk to him but yea they generally find away to get a hold of magazines or movies one.But then agai I knew with him it would come sooner than I wanted because he was sexually abused by a ball coach when he was 7 years old and he would watch porn at his biologicl dads house.Now my eight year well I hope he stays the way he is right now if he sees women in lingerie he calls it porn and says that is bad.So maybe I have a  little longer with him. I still tell my oldest one to put an asprin between her knees and if it doesn't fall you are fine but if it falls then you are screwed.Plus I tell him he better be able to support a wife/girlfriend /baby if he is stupid enough to do it.and I tell him safe sex also.GOOD LUCK hope you don't get the surprise I did. lol
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#39 | 92 days ago

Repeat after me...
"If you need to see a doctor or talk to someone, I can arrange that for you."

There, you just had the same sex/coming-of-age talk with your kid as my dad had with me.
Who are you calling a sexual deviant?  
#40 | 92 days ago

Nobody told me anything and i told my kids nothing.  Learn by doing.  lmao
Just turn him loose on the internet for a few hours.  
#41 | 92 days ago

The talk I got was at a wedding reception :
Jodi to my dad:  Jr. I want to take your son out to the parking lot.
Dad:  Well, we are going deer hunting in the morning, so you got 20 minutes.
Jodi:  It will take me 20 minutes to get this dress off.
#42 | 92 days ago

I got nothing

I have no kids, learned my stuff in sex ed class, and during fumble and grope sessions..LOL
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#43 | 92 days ago

Helen wrote:
Teaching them the physical part is easy.  Once they know that you don't really have to go over it again.  The emotions and responsibility that comes with sex is the hard part and has to be talked about throughout their growing up years.  Good luck!
I totally agree here Helen cudo's! While our children need to know the biological facts about sex, they also need to understand that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and responsibility. By discussing the emotional aspect of a sexual relationship with your child, she will be better informed to make decisions later on and to resist peer pressure.
I have this advice_____.  
#44 | 91 days ago

buy male and female bunnies. Actions speak louder than words.
#45 | 91 days ago

Wordsmith wrote:
or as worhless as Cubs playoff tix, lol.
Touche
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#46 | 91 days ago

I thought  your kids learn evreything about sex in schools.Dont they?
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#47 | 91 days ago

Most of the good stuff ,but to actually get to the point ,you need to tell them what you need them to know about ,like the money it takes to raise a child, the nights of never sleeping  when you get the baby home and the other stuff you had to put up when they were little.But in the end it is all worth it hehe   (Nader the first part was for you hehe.)
I have this advice_____.  
#48 | 90 days ago

We had our talk last night.

Basically I wanted him to know 4 things:
1.  What parts we have, and how they work (mechanics, how babies are made, how bodies change).
2. Girls are different and we need to be respectful of that.
3. He can come ask me questions any time.  If he doesn't feel comfortable, ask his mom (we made a pact).
4. There's a lot of information about sex in the world, some good, some bad, be discerning and refer to number 3.

It went very well, I was a little surprised about how much he didn't know.  I figured he'd have picked up a few things on the playground, but he said his buddies don't talk about that stuff (yet).  

All in all I was pretty proud of my little dude.  He showed a lot of maturity and we had a grown up conversation. 

Thanks everyone for all your help/advice/smart a$$ answers. 
Those violin players were sexy!  
#49 | 90 days ago

I'm pretty sure this is why my dad didn't do the best of jobs hiding his pr0n.  It was very accessible and I think it was his way of having "The Talk".
#50 | 84 days ago

They teach kids sex education in my country..but they don't get into all the intricacies...but at least they learn the basics
Just turn him loose on the internet for a few hours.  
#51 | 84 days ago

Beaneaters wrote:
Take him to all your local truck-stop restrooms, you won't have to say a word, a visit to about ten or twelve stalls, it becomes self-explanatory... and allowing him to see all those dispensing machines is a plus...
I understand that, but what if you have to explain what some of it means! LOL  I was a truck driver (took a lot of s**t because I'm a woman).  My husband and I had my 11 y/o daughter with us on one quick trip. She was looking at bumper stickers and louding asked, "What's a lot lizzard?"  LMAO  So,  you may want to go with the direct approach like with my oldest at 10 - "No you can't get pregnant by kissing."
Who are you calling a sexual deviant?  
#52 | 83 days ago

One night while we were watching TV a Victoria's Secret ad came on, my youngest piped in with "whenever I see pretty girls my thing sticks straight out"  he was 5 years old.  This is when I learned I was going to have to have the talk with my sons at an early age.  I first explained to them how babies came out.  We watched the discovery channel and saw a goat give birth.  The boys had so many questions but watching where it came out of the mommy goat before explaining where they came out of me cleared a lot of things up.  When they asked how they got in me that was a little tougher to explain, thankfully they were too young to really understand the concept of sex so it bought me some time to come up with a good explanation of how conception happens.  When the time did come I was very matter of fact about it.  I too used cllinical words but they had so many questions about what they meant  that I wound up using words that they understood.  It actually was a lot easier than I had imagined it would be.  Good Luck to you !!!
#53 | 40 days ago

my mom bought the book, "Where do I come from".  I was like 7 or so.  Be honest with him.  Ask him questions that will lead into a conversation to explain it.  You're smart..... ;)
I have this advice_____.  
#54 | 40 days ago

aroraarun77 wrote:
I WILL SAY LET THEM FIND THEIR OWN WAY JUST KEEP GUIDING>>>>>>>>>>
 I've got 3 and I'll 100% second that. Talk openly to em always. Don't BS em. If they know you're full of  %$@& then you get zero influence. You should already know how to talk to them. It's your child. You know them. Don't you?
#55 | 40 days ago

when they are old enough,maybe buy them a book that would expalnin in simple terms?? i dunno,dont have kids.i certainly never got sex education in school,just had to learn for myself,by science,reading,and common sense.
Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#56 | 40 days ago

be frank. be honest. but talk to the child in a way that would make him understand more easily, and try not to embarass the child or yourself.
I have this advice_____.  
#57 | 40 days ago

If you don't do it someone else will and just read some of the answers from some of the genius's on this poll.Be honest and answer his questions if you don't know look it up,The alternative is "Dad my girlfreind and I have we need to talk to you about." Trust me you don't want to have that conversation so have this one.
I have this advice_____.  
#58 | 40 days ago

tell the kid the truth. do not let this child believe sex is a bad thing. I would rather you or your wife tell this child then let someone else show him or hEr the bad side of a beautiful thing. kids are not stupid. they need to hear the truth about a man and a woman. this child is depending on you. do not let this oppurtunity pass beteween mother and daughter or father and son. You will be suprise of what your kid may already know from some one else. SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. DON'T LET THIS CHILD GROW UP BEEN BACKWARD ABOUT THE FACTS OF LIFE. They came to you first. Take the child out to NICE RESTAURANT OR JUST MAKE IT A MOVIE NIGHT AT HOME. TELL THE KID. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just my opinion!!!!!!!!!! SMILE!!!!
#59 | 35 days ago

   until your  50 you hear me   no   joking  just be honest and tell them the truth if you do not they will learn it from their friends  







Other (another "I got nothing" answer)  
#60 | 35 days ago
bmcannon1 (+)

Dude i raised 2 girls by myself. If you think having *The Talk* with your son is rough, just imagine what i went through.

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